Thursday, May 08, 2008

Twisted

Words cannot express how I feel about so many of you taking time out of your busy days to share synonyms of "vomit" with me. Who knew that the readers of this blog were such word aficionados? Your enthusiasm for the infinite variety of the English language could make William Safire look like an inarticulate slouch.

But don't y'all have anything better to do? You worry me.

Larry sneaked off to work despite the fact that I was feeling a tad under the weather today; nothing new there, right? But, being an experienced mom, I made sure to have a nice afternoon nap while the children played happily downstairs.

Ha, ha, ha, ha - I just crack myself up. My attempt at a nap was interrupted numerous times for various non-emergency requests. So I gave up and staggered downstairs to help the kids make pretzels. This activity is supposed to be fun, but - truthfully? - it wasn't. Children were crying over who got to "mix," we had to wait for the dough to rise, more children cried over how many pretzels they got to roll and what shapes they could make (the neighbor kids were here by that time to help with the crying..I mean, baking); then I decided to actually follow the instructions and boil the pretzels for a minute before baking them (warning: DO NOT try this at home), whereupon half of them fell apart and had to be re-formed before being put in the oven. Before they were done, one of the neighbor's twins threw up in my front hall (it's just Vomit Headquarters here).

I don't know why their parents let them play here. They should know better.

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30 comments:

  1. Look at you be overachievers. The flu won't keep you down - let's make handmade pretzels! And have the neighbors kids over yet to boot. I fear you lost your sanity with all the yakking going on.

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  2. In my defense, having the neighbor's kids over usually makes it easier on me; they keep my kids busy. Of course, I wasn't thinking that one of them would puke in my house.

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  3. I love your blog! I am a mom of only five and I honestly don't know how you do it. Keep up the good work - I love to laugh at someone's life that is actually more insane than mine. I'm not so bad after all,.. hahahahahahah

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  4. How do I add the email to my blog? Live journal is so much easier...

    My kids are so glad that it is nice enough to play out in the yard now. Yesterday afternoon I washed the kitchen floor twice. It took two batches of clean water to get all the grunge off. Then the kids came inside with their bare muddy feet, as we watered the garden before I washed the floor. The floor looked like it hadn't been washed when they were done leaving mud all over it. I now remember why my mom washed the floors when we were in bed for the night when I was little. :)

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  5. The neighbor kids' parents DO know better. Who's house did the kid puke in, anyway?

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  6. Aw, man - you are jinxed! And a friend vomit is probably worse than a friend diaper, isn't it? YIKES! Hope everyone is better soon!

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  7. Are you sure one of your kids didn't say "Hey, you know what would really freak my mom out? Throw up before you leave..."

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  8. I understand that having kids over makes life easier sometimes-there are days I would have risked exposing the black plague to get a neighbor kid into the house to play legos, so I could sit down in my room for twenty minutes and NOT TALK TO ANYBODY.

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  9. You cleaned up other kid's puke?

    You win the Mother of the Year award. I can barely clean up the vomit of my own kin.

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  10. Homemade pretzels? You are twisted!

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  11. I say next time, buy some pretzels and send your kids over to your neighbors house to throw up in their hallway.
    Turn about is fair play.

    Wow. you are really having a bad week.

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  12. AnonymousMay 09, 2008

    After reading this post I had to go back and read comments from the last one .... and no one has yet mentioned this vomit word from down-under - chunder. "Fair dinkum! Can'tcha run to the dunny if ya hafta chunder?"

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  13. anonymous - Thank you! See? Blogging can open up new worlds...

    kelly - I amazed myself. Even as I wiped the kid up with a towel, I was marveling that I was doing it at all. I still can't figure it out.

    mrs. g - Thanks. I was beginning to think it was just me.

    amy - They did seem strangely unruffled by the whole incident.

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  14. Hi, thanks for stopping by my blog...that post had to have come from somewhere!!!

    I like how you write...very funny...now I just need your address so I can send any potential puking children your way sounds like you have it down pat over there and despite about 20 years as a nurse I still don't actually like cleaning it up...so...the address please!!!!! ;)

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  15. Well, since you are still on the topic of vomiting, here is a fun fact that your kids might enjoy:

    "Vomit" comes from "vomitorium" which were the exits through which Roman spectators exited the Colosseum in Rome. This method of exiting was so effecient that 55,000 spectators could exit the colosseum in under ten minutes. Hence, "vomitorium" (spew out) becomes our more modern "vomit" of which you know so well!!!

    Who knew that word had such noble origins?!

    Okay, basta! (enough!) of the stupid, fun facts.

    Have a great weekend.

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  16. Will it ever end this vomit plague of yours? OMG. I feel for you. I was laughing at your nap as well.

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  17. Bless you...So INSTEAD of a NAP
    you decide to try homemade pretzels WITH the neighbor kids? I Love making homemade pretzels, but the have to be REALLY well twisted and pinched to survive the water bath....oh, and with a teaspoon of baking soda in the water just before dipping, they only need about 10-15 seconds. that seals the pretzel and gives them the nice shiny crust. I like to make them more like twisted rolls and use them for sandwiches!
    That is....after the stomach virus is gone....
    Pax, EJT

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  18. elizabeth - Thank you! I thought they got too soggy, but the directions said one full minute. Aaargh.

    hrh - naps always go that way. I'll miss the kids when they are grown and gone, but I will certainly appreciate being able to lie down in the middle of the day when I am sick.

    bia - I'm loving that little vocabulary fact...

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  19. Love all your vomit stories. I have a few good ones myself! ick!

    I have just been roaming around this morning blog hoppin! Hope you have a wonderful day!

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  20. I don't know if anyone else has offered this service, but I would be DELIGHTED to ship you a few cans of Lysol. You seem to be housing some kind of angry vomit germ that may have mutated many, many times. We need to kick its tail.

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  21. You gotta nap in the bathtub and every so often let out a huge barfing sound of your own. Maybe that will keep the kiddos at bay. Not that I've ever tried it. It's a theory... do you mind testing it for me?

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  22. You made pretzels? Am. In. Awe.

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  23. Good God... even the neighbor
    s come over to puke at your house. It really is Puke Central!

    and yummmmmmm pretzels!

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  24. I remember making pretzels in high school. In mixed company. High school boys making pretzels? Just imagine what shapes they were.

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  25. i hope you sneezed on the pretzel dough and infected all of the little buggers.

    just kidding, of course. I'm not THAT much of a sadist.

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  26. I get so pissy when an activity that is suppose to be FUN for kids, actually makes them cry and fight and creates general misery.

    Pretzel making sounds so fun!

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  27. Wow, hope everyone feels better soon. I'm so impressed by the pretzel bit...don't even dare attempt such a feat in my home...Have a GREAT MOTHER'S DAY!

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  28. I made pretzels with my kids once too. They were so fuddly that I decided that buying them was healthier - mentally and physically. Monks are supposed to have invented them as the shape was supposed to be like praying arms or hands. Obviously, the monks didn't have any children around while baking so it was probably a lot easier for them.

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  29. motherwise - I think that sometimes Larry wants to run away and join that monastery in Belgium where the monks brew beer.

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  30. I'm with Amy, the other parents in your neighborhood have it all figured out. Send the kids over to puke. Where do you live again?
    Seriously LOL and I don't do that much reading blogs.

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