Wednesday, May 25, 2011

12 Steps

[Yes, I've switched the font again - Homemaker Man said the other font looked too serial-killerish, which creeped me out so much I had to change it.  But it got me wishing for a ransom-note font - you know, with all the letters looking as though they'd been cut out of different magazines and newspapers?]

Here in these parts we've begun that 3-4 month annual endurance test known colloquially as "summer."  The windows are shut, the AC is on, the freezer pops are a-freezin'.  We're hunkered down, trying to take the weather conditions day by day, or - as necessary - hour by hour.  The only way to endure is by following the 12 Steps of Summer:

Beats a fire hydrant!
*Admit our powerlessness over the weather

*Turn our suffering over to an all-seeing Power, One who theoretically has our best interests at heart, although really, last summer made me wonder if that's true.  I mean,  95+ degrees 10 days in a row - are you kidding me?

*Conduct a searching and fearless inventory of our freezers for all confections cold and sweet

*Make a pact with a similarly suffering mother to trade air-conditioned playdates, trips to the pool, and no-cook pizza nights

*Humbly ask God to remove all potential pool poopers from our midst, lest a longed-for afternoon of water fun become an at-home whinefest of Biblical proportions

*Make a list of any and all SAHM's in the vicinity, in order to generate more play dates.

*Offer playdates to such SAHM's whenever possible, except where doing so might cause one to harm another person's brats children

Our favorite!
*Continue to conduct freezer inventories so as to ensure a constant supply of Italian ices and sorbets

*Seek through prayer and meditation the Divinely-administered strength not to run away to northern climes, sans children and husband, by mid-August.

*Attempt to offer to fellow sufferers succor, whether in the form of iced confections or moral support



Actually, that's only 10.  It's too hot to remember the other 2.  Lord help me, it's not even June yet.


[pool image credit: Pool Swimming]
[Italian ice image credit: Hubby Diaries]

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10 comments:

  1. Hilarious! But I must be a freak - I love love lot the hot hot summer and hate air conditioning!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, isn't this a fun font?

    At least you have a plan. At least you have a summer.

    It's supposed to be in the high 50s here tomorrow, and rainy.

    But no tornadoes yet, so all is good!

    ReplyDelete
  3. No, I don't like this one either. It's jumpy. And while I'm dispensing unasked-for typography advice, don't get a black background with a lighter font, either. Funky blogs are going to make me go blind.

    Iced Coffee. Del's. Those are the other two, but you have to come up here to get them proper-like.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, amy, if only I could get Del's frozen lemonade here! Del's would make even Hell bearable.

    I, too, can't take the dark background/light font combo. It hurts my eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Not a fan of this layout as long as other's are mentioning it. Though I am a fan of Luigi's ices.

    We are in the midst of "May Gray" here, so a warm day actually sounds sort of nice. But only a couple--and with no humidity. I think I won't complain.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Please forgive me if I'm not sympathetic but we've had rain and cold temperatures for the last several months. The only time we got relief from the rain is when it snowed.

    I need to see the sun!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Like you, I'm already suffering and craving Italian Ice from my freezer.
    Hmmmm.... what about making & freezing margaritas? That way, when the kids are having icees, I can have a mommy icee. Is 9am too early for one of these? Probably. *sigh* So I'll second the idea of iced coffee.
    This hot, humid weather turns me into a grouch.

    Also, I would LOVE a ransom note font!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I need to visit you. I'll pack my suit and towel. You can feed me those lemon ices while i sit there and sweat!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I spent most of yesterday disassembling the room ac for each room, scrubbing them out with clorox cleaner to remove the mildew, then rinsing, reassembling and installing them. Storing them on the porch near the sand pile was probably not a good idea, as the sand was annoying to get out of them. Not to mention the melted cadbury cream egg, cat food, leaves, etc. Only 2 more to go...

    May 26, 2011

    ReplyDelete
  10. I hate summer. Least favorite season. And of course I live in Phoenix so I get to "enjoy" summer for 8 months of the year. 6 of those months with 100+ degree temperatures. The desert sucks.

    My secret weapon? Peppermint Foot Lotion by Burt's Bees. Cools off my hot footsies and I may or may not use it elsewhere....

    ReplyDelete

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