Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Me, Me, Me

You know the 10-minute tummy trimmers ab workout video I posted as a joke in my post about shapewear?  It occurred to me that I could put it on my IPod Touch and actually, you know, DO it.  It was an epiphany of sorts.  So I've done just that, for 3 days now.  I think it's working, if by "working" you mean making my rib cage hurt whenever I laugh, or turn over in bed, or try to sit up.

That's good, right?

In other news, the shapewear it took me 3 hours to find worked just dandy.  Now I'm wondering if I can wear it under my tankini.  You see, the girls are asking me to take them to the pool this weekend.  And we all know what that means - it means I will have to face the dreaded first wearing of the swimsuit, that annual rite of self-loathing and humiliation.  I really don't know what I hate more - the roll of post-menopausal stomach fat, the cellulite peeking out from beneath the skirted bottom, or the crazy grid of postpartum varicose veins that render my legs and feet a purplish green.  Apparently, middle age is making me pay for the fact that I never had acne as a teenager.

In other news, both little girls have been coughing like 2-pack-a-day smokers every morning.  It's either the residue of the stupid colds they should both be over by now, or else it's drug-resistant tuberculosis.  Dr. Google isn't very specific on that. 

And that's all, folks - just dribs and drabs of self-absorbed commentary this evening.  Tell me, is narcissism a sign of early dementia?  I can't remember.

4 comments:

  1. "First wearing of the swimsuit" LOL. I hate being seen in a bathing suit, always have. Even when I was really thin, I just felt way too exposed.

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  2. Swimsuits. Just... ugh.

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  3. if only we could forget, in our menopausal dimentia, what our bodies used to look like!

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  4. It's not warm enough to swim here, except at the AFB pool... in the late mornings... with all of the people old enough to be my parents. It definitely takes the sting out of middle age.
    My abs still hurt, though, from doing crunches in the water.

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