Sunday, July 21, 2013

Boogie Lessons

Apparently, a VERY complicated device
The girls and I bought boogie boards for the beach yesterday (only $5 at 5 Below!).   I can't remember how many years ago it was that we first discovered boogie boards cheap enough that we could afford to get them for all the kids, but I do remember Theo and Anna's joy (I think they were 9 and 8 at the time) as they grabbed the boards and ran pell-mell into the surf. Even with their limited experience of the ocean, my distinctly non-athletic kids grasped instinctively how to throw themselves and their boards in the path of an incoming wave and ride that baby onto the beach.

Best. Toy. Ever.

Anyway, yesterday we discovered, once we got the new boards home and unwrapped them, that they now come with a full set of instructions.

Illustrated instructions.

And, to add insult to injury (at least for this particular grammarian), the instructions are titled "How To Lay On Your Bodyboard."

Lay!  How about "How To Properly Conjugate Verbs"?  Or, "How To Distinguish Between Transitive and Intransitive Verbs"?  Instead, apparently, we're stuck with the illustrated guide to "How To Do The Most Obvious Thing In The World."

This guide has a picture showing you, the apparently clueless reader, how to lie down on your stomach on your boogie board, with the warning that one should "practice lying" on the board before even entering the surf.  The instructions explain where to grip the boogie board (top corners) and add that your legs are supposed to hang off the back.  The reader is advised to "rest on your elbows and arch your back with your head up."

Who knew?

The last illustration labels the different parts of a wave, in case you aren't sure what the term "whitewater" might mean when you encounter it in the directions on how to catch a wave ("...start paddling..."). 

You know what?  This must be the same company that put the warning sticker on Rachel's scooter a few years ago...you know, the one that said, "This product moves when being used."  Which has me thinking, maybe there should be a warning on the boogie-board instructions: If you actually need these, you are too stupid to use this product.

Too harsh?






16 comments:

  1. You have GOT to be kidding me. Directions on a boogie board? Sheesh.
    But I do agree--best fun EVER!

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  2. We have a boogie board that has also been used in the winter for sledding - standing up. I cannot recommend this use of boogie boards, as the result is beneficial neither for the child nor the boogie board. I will bet that my children are the reason the boogie board manufacturer felt compelled to include the verbiage you encountered.

    Labeling the different parts of a wave?!

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    Replies
    1. My kids use the cheap plastic sleds from Target, which - surprisingly enough - come with no instructions whatsoever. The children managed to get to the bottom of the hill, anyway - they must be sledding prodigies.

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  3. Honestly, I wouldn't have a clue how to use a boogie board. But at least I can conjugate verbs, so I'm one up on somebody.

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    1. AnonymousJuly 21, 2013

      i hear ya! I wouldn't know whether to hold the front or the sides. i wouldn't have know to lay(lol) on it or straddle it or perhaps sit on it while kneeling. so i don't personally think the directions are that nutty.

      As far as the hair dryer..there are many people who sleep with them. FOR REAL!!! there was a whole show on TV about it. people liking the warmth of them and the noise. Think people like me who need a fan on to sleep...but now it is all warm and cozy.

      i guess i just am attracted to the odd stuff..lol

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    2. Believe me, Korinthia, there is only one way. You'd figure it out quickly enough, particularly with everyone else at the beach using one, also.

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    3. If there is a wrong way I would find it. I'm clever like that.

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  4. My kids and I make a game of finding ridiculous instructions on things. Our current favorites are our hairdryer, which warns: Do not use while sleeping, and the new toaster oven, it tells us: Caution, this product gets hot while in use. But, my real favorite are the gel window clings that I got to decorate my girls' windows, the package had NOT A FOOD ITEM, THIS IS NOT EDIBLE, DO NOT EAT written in huge red letters across the front and the back. How many people had to mistake it for food for the company to add such a warning?

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  5. The title of the instructions is killing me!

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  6. The one year we did not tell the kids no standing on the sleds, oldest son fell off the first time down the hill, broke his army just below the shoulder. I'm guessing since we did not reiterate the warning, he did not think is still applies?

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  7. Thanks for my morning chuckle. Yes, I know you posted this hours ago, but I'm a blog reader w/ my morning coffee.

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  8. It's like posting instructions for pooping in your guest bathroom. Not really necessary and a little insulting.

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    1. I'm glad I didn't just take a sip of lemonade when I read that comment! I would have needed to buy a new laptop.

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  9. I may not be the most graceful creature on earth, but I'm pretty sure I would figure out how to use a boogie board without instructions.

    I now have Bob Dylan singing "Lay, Lady, Lay" in my head.

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  10. Boogie boards are so so great! Easiest thing to use ever!! But instructions? Wow. Even better! Plus you got a post out of it.

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  11. I've never played with a boogie board. The ocean is too damn cold for me to go farther than my toes anyways ;)

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