Kids Say The Darndest Things, Redux

Happenings this week included the dreaded First Wearing of the Swimsuit, an annual event well-documented in these pages.  This year I ordered a veritable assortment of expensive, over-spandexed swimsuit bottoms to try on with the tankini top I had bought a couple of years ago.  You see, I had been wearing a skirted bottom with it, but I was tired of the way it swished around my legs when I tried to swim.  What's more, that tankini top didn't have nearly enough spandex around the midsection, so I was hoping to find a sort of control-top bottom that would make up for its deficiencies.

I know - SEXY.

So! I was pawing through the selection and rejecting things left and right.  Too loose, too long, too high.  In the end I was left with a pair of control-top bikini bottoms - that is, they extended well up under my top, but the part that showed looked like the bottom of a regular swimsuit.  Finally! I thought.  I can look sporty instead of matronly.  I went into the girls' bedroom to more closely examine the look (they have the only full-length mirror in the house).

Susie was there - Susie, the precocious child who has exhibited a beyond-her-years appreciation of the difficulties inherent in middle-aged-swimsuit-wearing.  I twirled in front of the mirror, sizing myself up, trying to pretend cellulite looked sporty. "Well?" I asked her. "What do you think? Is this okay, or is the skirted thing I wore last year better?"

"Welll," Susie said, carefully. Too carefully.  She pursed her lips and eyed me closely. "Do you mean in a swimming way or in a how-it-looks way?"

Sigh. Say no more. I can take a hint, you know.

Comments

  1. Okay, I just now appreciated having all boys. The worst I've been told about my attire is that I should get dressed so that I don't drive them someplace while wearing my pajamas.

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    1. She was impressively diplomatic about it, I thought.

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    2. That's a relief!
      My 15yo son was rather diplomatic when he suggested I didn't want to drive him downtown in my pajamas at 3pm on Saturday. (What? It was my day off!)

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  2. You have to give it to her...she's tactful. I haven't even bothered with a swimsuit this year. One, because I have no where to go where I will need one and two, the horror

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    1. Darn it, that would have been a much better post title: The Horror! The Horror!

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  3. I have the most wondeful pair of swim SHORTS to go with my tankini top. Totally sporty and comfortable and way less granny-looking than a skirt. I will cry when they wear out. No really. I'll cry. Real tears. Because I have never seen another pair anywhere.
    Smart girl that daughter of yours. I see good things in her future.

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  4. Huh. You're not helping me here. I need a new swimsuit (the old one is suffering from droopy Spandex) and have not been thrilled with the thought of shopping. I am resisting the thought of the tankini, though. My plan is to stick with a plain tank, and if I take off my glasses, I'm too shortsighted to see either a) my reflection in a mirror or b) the stares of horror and averted gazes of the appalled bystanders.

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  5. Huh. You're not helping me here. I need a new swimsuit (the old one is suffering from droopy Spandex) and have not been thrilled with the thought of shopping. I am resisting the thought of the tankini, though. My plan is to stick with a plain tank, and if I take off my glasses, I'm too shortsighted to see either a) my reflection in a mirror or b) the stares of horror and averted gazes of the appalled bystanders.

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  6. OH SUZIE! I bet you look better than you think.
    And the swim skirt is SO cumbersome.

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