Showing posts from June, 2016

Airing Our Dirty Laundry

Larry went ahead with his nefarious plan to empty a good third of the contents of our laundry room into our family room, so the delivery guys could move our brand new, stackable washer/dryer into place and remove the old ones. And I did my best to ignore the chaos created, even though Larry took away my freestanding pantry shelves because he wanted to turn the refrigerator around so the door handle wouldn't block the delivery guys' way. The family room was filled with stuff, I couldn't find my food, the laundry room was newly chaotic (because he moved other stuff around in there); yet through it all I said nothing, because, hey, we were getting our dryer today and that meant I could stop begging all my neighbors to let me use theirs.

And then I learned, half an hour before the delivery, that the dryer (a gas one) would not actually be installed today.  Even though the previous dryer was also gas, and even though we already had the gas line sitting in the right place. I als…

Marital Hijinks

I woke up this morning very annoyed at Larry. I found him downstairs, sipping his coffee and reading the news, completely unaware of what he had done.

"Thanks!" I said. "Thanks a lot!"


"I just dreamed you went and married our neighbor Cassie."

I could tell from Larry's confused look that he really wanted to defend himself, but he wasn't sure why.

"And I was supposed to pretend that that was all right. Like, perfectly all right. Even though WE were still married."

"Um, this was just a dream, you know."

"I don't care. Then one of the OTHER neighbors suggested that I should get even by marrying Cassie's husband Tom."

"Did you?" asked Larry.

"Of course not! That would be weird! People would think we were all middle-aged swingers or something."

"Good thinking," said Larry, trying to return to his coffee.

"So, halfway through the dream, I finally realized that I d…

All Wet

Our dryer broke tonight.

In case that sounds familiar, yes, it is. Very. Repeatedly familiar, in fact.

Larry's tired. He doesn't know what's wrong, as he has already - over the past 9 months - replaced the moisture sensor, the thermostat thingie, and something else. He is SO DONE with this particular appliance. Particularly because he knows that, even if he does manage to fix the dryer by dint of spending his entire weekend on it, the washer will probably kick out on us next week, just to get even.

So we both turned to Brian. "How much is that employee discount at Best Buy?" we asked.

"Why?" he asked, startled.

"Because we need a new dryer, and you still want to go to college," I told him.

"They said I could only use the discount for myself and a spouse," said our markedly unattached 16-year-old.

Larry took a step closer to him. "Then tell them," he said, through gritted teeth, "you're married."

Like I said, …

It's My Party

It's my birthday week (because why settle for just one day?), and it's been busy. Some neighbors were moving away on Tuesday, so we had a going-away party on Monday that I somehow became in charge of, which involved an awful lot of running around. By the time my actual birthday rolled in the next day, I was looking forward to just sitting still, eating chocolate, knitting, things like that.

I got up bright and early on my birthday to take some Excedrin (because tapering off steroids apparently gives me 4 AM migraines) and then stayed up to enjoy my day. Susie insisted I open her present in the morning, 2 lovely little bars of British Cadbury Fruit and Nut. That girl has excellent taste. I spent the day knitting on my shawl, determined to finish it by evening so I could beg a friend to block it for my birthday. Susie, newly deprived of her neighborhood friend (whose family had gotten on a plane headed for their new home that morning), went for a walk with me and convinced me t…

Stupid, But Still Alive

Oh, where to start? I was feeling better, popping my pills and all, and then Tuesday evening I got itchy. By Wednesday, I decided to message the doctor and tell her maybe I was getting allergic to the antibiotic. Or perhaps it was a side effect of steroids? Who knows? The nurse called me back.

"It's probably an allergy - stop the antibiotic. Any other symptoms? Difficulty breathing?"

"No, of course not," I said. Duh, I would have done something about that.

"Tongue feel funny? Lips swollen? Those are all signs that the reaction is getting dangerous."

"No, no, no. Just the itchiness. I've raised
an allergic child, so I know the symptoms to look for, don't worry - I'm an expert!" Yes, I did say that.

"Ma'am, I just have to go down this list. Throat swelling?"

For heaven's sake, does she think I'm an idiot? I thought. Does she think I'd just sit around going la-di-da if I felt my throat swelling?


Hey, It's June!

Okay, things are looking up here: I'm no longer frightening the children by lying on the couch, crying in pain from the sinus infection that wouldn't die.  That's definitely an improvement over last week. And you know how I'm always saying that I don't have much to do around here now that the kids are older? Well, last week, while I was lying on that couch, I noticed there was a heck of a lot of stuff NOT GETTING DONE, which can only mean that actually, I do do a lot. I'm just so good at it after all these years that no one notices, including myself.

One of our neighbors is relocating across the country next week. They've lived here 4 years and our daughters hang out with each other almost every day. I'll tell you, these people have some nerve moving. Oh, sure, they've got 2 great job offers and their entire family lives out West and yada yada yada; but don't they care about us? It's not as if our family is going to jump in the car and pull …

Like HGTV, But Less Interesting

Well! Looks as though those science-y people aren't quite on their toes, since it turns out my antibiotics didn't work, and  I kept getting worse, so Wednesday I got to visit two more doctors and have a CAT scan and get more medicines and, hoo-boy, it's been a fun week. Why didn't any of you warn me about the part of a sinus infection where the swelling compresses nerves in your face and you wake up feeling as though someone is repeatedly stabbing you in the jaw? Had to let me find that out all by myself, did you? Thanks.

So here I am, a little better, taking steroids (ooh, fun, never had those before) and another antibiotic and popping Motrin, but luckily I haven't been so sick that I couldn't pursue Larry's and my new hobby, which is buying used kitchen tables off the Internet.

You see, until a month ago, we still had our 6-seater table that we bought back in 2001 (it matched the hutch I got rid of here). But we only have 5 people living here now, and at…

Oy, How I Suffer

The cold that wouldn't end was pretty much gone last week, and I was looking forward to resuming a normal blogging life, sans complaints about aches and pains and all. But then Thursday it came roaring back to life as the most godawful sinus infection ever, all on one side of my face, making my teeth hurt and my eye hurt and forcing me back into the arms of sudafed and tylenol and aspirin, my BFFs, apparently.

I swear, it was like that scene in Fatal Attraction, where Glenn Close pops back out of the bathtub with that knife. I mean, WTH? I was feeling BETTER. I biked 20 miles last Monday. Sheesh.

As is my wont, I assumed that orange juice and OTC meds would cure all, and, honestly, I never took people who complained about sinus infections seriously anyway. Just a fancy name for a head cold, that's what I thought. So I soldiered on, through Thursday, when I acted like a person who isn't about to die from the worst sinus infection of all time and did a bunch of stuff I can&…