Bad Santa Jokes

For some reason Larry left the sponge mop I use for work in the kitchen (because, maybe, he didn't like it floating around his car?). When Rachel spotted it in the kitchen, she got all excited. "Mommy!" she said. "You could use that here in the house, too!"

Well, yes - that would be nice for a change, wouldn't it? Do you think Larry put her up to that suggestion?

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Speaking of slovenly housekeeping practices, did you know that the smell of a dirty stove drip pan (heated to "high") in the kitchen mingling with the aroma of fresh Christmas tree in the living room can produce an odor noxious enough to make one think (if one is as leery of gas appliances as I am) that the gas fireplace is about to explode?

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Oh, and speaking of fireplaces (don't you admire how I segue effortlessly from one subject to another?), I've come up with a new way to torment my children. You see, I know my Rachel - she probably figures she doesn't have to be good - she can just trick Santa into thinking she's been good. Ha! I'll just tell her that if I feel she doesn't deserve any presents from Santa, I'll just leave the fireplace lit on Christmas Eve.

As Calvin said, "Santa flambe?!" [Sorry, can't find a link to that particular strip]

Then again, Rachel might be intrigued by the concept. Never mind.

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And I'll leave you with my favorite Santa joke (as heard on Prairie Home Companion a number of years ago):

Q: Why does Santa always chuckle, "Ho, ho, ho!"?

A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live...