In Which I Try Not To Be Jealous

Dear Sue,

Remember in high school, when a friend says you should have a party and invite all the kids who won't give you the time of day and then maybe they'll realize how cool you are and be your friend? So you do it, and "they" all show up and act really obnoxious and eat all the food and then they leave and they don't talk to you the next day in school? And you feel lousy, and your mother keeps making it worse by trying to act all nice and asking who everyone was and all?

No? Oh. Well, then, never mind that. But, look. I'm a little upset. Here you've got your millions of readers heading on over here and tramping all over the place - I mean, can't they even take their shoes off first? -and they're reading all the goodies and not even bothering to leave any comments, and then...then!...they outclick over to the voting page, where they are all voting for you.

I feel used.

But, hey, none of that matters. You see, my readers, the ones who come here all the time and even bother to say hi every once in a while, I know that they will bother to take the time today and tomorrow to go here and vote for me. Because I'm worth it. Or, at least, that one post of mine was worth it. And even if it wasn't, they'll do it anyway. Because otherwise, people like Sue will just take over the world - people who run off with some sleazy (sp?) city, just to go crawling back home a few months later. And no one says anything! No one says, "Gee, Sue, you're lucky Utah took you back," or "Gosh, Sue, been to Vegas lately (wink, wink)?" Noooo, it's all "Yea, Sue!" "Great to see ya, Sue!" It's sickening.

And yeah, I know I'm begging. I'm not even being subtle like you, Miss Ten Thousand Million Readers, by just putting it in the "P.S." part of your post, as if, oh yeah, I almost forgot, could you do this for me? As if! You know you want it.

And you know what? Even if I don't win, I was winning until you got your Internet back. And I'll always have that. Even if you are funnier than me, and more popular than me, you and your friends can't take that away from me.

Sniff.


P.S. Vote for me, again, will ya? She's kicking my a**.

P.P.S. Click on the "sleazy city" link up there - I hate to admit it, but Sue's hilarious.

P.P.P.S. But vote for me anyway. That's not the post that she's competing with, thank goodness.