I'm really taken with this piece. I think it's fascinating not only for what it says about marriage, but also for what it says about those of us at midlife. Read it and discuss...if I can find a Starbucks along the way, I'll join in.
Trip? Oh, yes - Larry's outside, trying to pack the car. And I'm inside, goofing off. I ran up and down the stairs approximately 1700 times yesterday, packing and doing laundry and being generally disorganized. When I wasn't running up and down the stairs, I was feeding children and bathing children and sorting knitting...
I deserve this break and no one's gonna guilt me out of it.
Our neighbor (the one whose cartop carrier we're using) offered to lend us a portable TV/DVD player for the car. We turned her down. I have a feeling we're going to regret that particular piece of stupidity around about 4 hours from now.
I checked the weather report for up north. It's ridiculous. "Sunny and pleasant"...."Beautiful"...."Cool and breezy"....who writes these things? We don't have those sort of days here. We have "hot"..."humid and hot"....and (one memorable August) "HOT!"
The word "hot" doesn't look right - is it English?
Lord help us, I think we're ready to shove off here. Pray for us.
Have fun! Travel safely!
ReplyDeleteHave a safe and happy trip!!
ReplyDeleteWell you can always use your laptop as a DVD player in the car. Bon Voyage and hurry home!
ReplyDeleteI just read the article. Its very good. I sent it to my parents. I'll let you know what they think.
ReplyDeleteThere are only a few ways to wish a person a good trip. So, have a good trip, hope the kids can entertain themselves, and that there are plenty of Starbucks on the way.
How can we discuss if you have to approve all our comments and you're not here? Just saying.
ReplyDeleteReally, how many divorces are because one person gave in to temporary feelings? Too many people go with the temporary. There you go. That's what's wrong with society, in a nutshell. That woman, she was strong and wise.
After reading the article, the comments and the Salon discussion what I want is to hear from the husband.
ReplyDeleteHave a great time!
I'll pray for your survival dear!
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a wonderful trip. :-)
ReplyDeleteI just read the article.We all must remember that joy is ours to choose.
ReplyDeleteI bet so many people can relate to this story on one level or another.
What a strong woman that author is!!!
You are going to regret not having that DVD player. I rebelled against those for years, until the minivan we purchased came with one and we drove 2,600 miles across the country. And THEN we took a 30-hour driving vacation. I now appreciate the DVD player.
ReplyDeleteI read the article and I applaud the author for knowing what worked for herself, her husband, her family. I'm GLAD it worked for her.
But I have a friend whose husband changed at mid-life and he is being hateful and mean. She is lucky to not be infected with HIV. He is doing everything he can to hurt her with his lying and his lawyer. The author's advice would not have worked in my friend's situation.
I loved the article. We often tell our children that it is up to them whether they have a good day or not. The wife in the article knew that too. I'm not sure that I would be able to quickly compose myself and respond as she did. I wouldn't want my husband to stay around if I had to cry to make him feel guilty. What happiness is in that?
ReplyDeleteSo long, farewell!
ReplyDeleteAnd glad you turned down the DVD; it'll be fine!
Thank you for posting the link to that article - I won't bore you with the details of why it has come at a very good time for me, but it has! Hope you have a wonderful and safe trip!
ReplyDeletePraying for ya! Interesting article - making me think.
ReplyDeleteHave fun.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, you should have taken the DVD player. Ever since we got ours the distance between home and our destination has grown considerably shorter. (Well, feels like it has anyway!)
WOW So I read the article and - that was me. My husband said those words and I said, "Too bad. You're staying. I love you. Figure it out." And I kept cooking and cleaning and taking care of things and trying to be loving to him. 11 years later, when he was still hating me and getting uglier instead of better, we ended it. But I admire her strength and I think we do have points in our lives when we do weird things. Some say I was stupid/crazy/etc. I say I gave it a really good effort. Thanks for sharing the story.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope you don't regret the portable DVD player, although sometimes I think it creates more fights than it stops. And they miss the scenery!
Just discovered your blog through your comment on the NY Times web site. I loved the Modern Love piece you referenced! I really liked how the writer emphasized that all of our acts in relationships are choices, and we choose not only how to act, but how to REact. She still loved her husband, knew he was just going through a silly mid-life crisis, and gave him the time and space to work through it. Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteThat was an interesting piece. I never thought about it that way. Have a wonderful and relaxing trip!
ReplyDeleteI loved that article in the NYT. It's so... solid! I think with marriage that you need to have always at least one person who is determined to keep the thing going. Even the best relationships have some crummy times. What's best is if one of the two is intent on hanging on. What ISN'T good is if both people go, "meh". I think that's why a lot a marriages fail -- unfortunately both ppl are saying "meh" at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI like that gal's grit.
We buckled on the portable player a year or so ago. I'm not necessarily sorry, but I will say that once you cross that line there's really no going back, so I admire your fortitude!
ReplyDeleteYes, I believe you WILL regret not taking the DVD player. Let us know..
ReplyDeleteHave fun!
Wow! What a powerful article! I posted it on my Facebook ('cause I didn't know how else to save it somewhere so I can share it with others). Have a great trip! (or, rather, hope you're having a great trip)
ReplyDeleteHave a great trip.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting NYT article. I'm passing it along.
Have a great trip. I'm off to read the article.
ReplyDeleteWill do, and have fun, real fun!
ReplyDeleteMy first time here, it was a wonderful piece that moved me to tears for many reasons. Although not all marriages can be worked out her approach was refreshing from the standard what was expected. At the same time she did put limits on how much time she would give him. For each individual that time limit is different.
ReplyDeleteWhat she shows and proves that marriages have ebs and flows just as life does. Ask any married couple who has been married 40+ years and they will tell you they had some bad years, but the key was commitment no matter what. This write showed she was a true grown up & I can guarantee the confidence she gave her husband in knowing that he was loved...even when he shouldn't have been.
Hope your vacation is/was great! I read the article and the comments were interesting, especially the ones who felt she "emasculated" her husband. Well, he was acting like a child, so how should she have treated him? Like Jenn, I'd like to hear what the husband has to say to all of it. The author did show a lot of fortitude, not to fall apart - I don't think I would have been able to not take the hurtful words and actions personally.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are having a wonderful time!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by & for the comments. They are appreciated, it really does help to know we're not alone in this experience with the teenagers. Oh & yup I knit! I'll have to post what I'm working on currently this week :-)
ReplyDeleteWhat an article! I'm glad the husband gradually responded to her love and came around. I'm very glad she always took the high road. Had it ended after all that, she would always know she'd done the right thing and hadn't been pulled down to where she hadn't made the choice to be.
ReplyDeleteHave a great trip!