Get Thee Behind Me, Pretzels

Tired of these

Hooray! Today was an eating day! I could finally ingest comestibles other than dry pretzels and flat soda! Although now I feel sort of queasy again, so I may have jumped the gun there.

Today was also notable in that I managed to doze off on an ultrasound table. Please tell me that happens all the time. In my defense, the technician did take a while to get the doctor to come in and tell me everything looked great.

No, actually, there was no excuse. I just stayed up too late last night buying things. Poor Larry -- he goes to sleep at a reasonable hour every single night, just so he can get up in the morning and go to work and make money so I can spend it online. He's definitely gotten the short end of the stick here.

And, to be fair (to me, that is), it isn't as if I were buying something extravagant. No, it was basic, unexciting items such as conditioner (there are 4 women currently living here, and we all have abundant amounts of thick, curly hair, which explains why the approximately 4 gallons of conditioner I bought 2 1/2 months ago is GONE), curl scrunch (see above re abundant amounts of thick, curly hair), rubber car mats for my 7-year-old car (because the carpet mats are hopelessly dirty and my job consists of driving senior citizens around and I don't want to gross them out), and - oh, yes - a coat for me that I will probably send back because it will make me feel like a chubby 4-year-old stuffed into a snowsuit. Because they all do.

Ooh la, la! It's French!

I think I need a cape. A nice, woolen cape that swirls and hides the fact that I no longer have a waist. Look how happy the lady in that picture looks. That could be moi. Although, come to think of it, I'm not sure how one manages to carry a purse, wearing that thing.

You know, fashion is really complicated.




[Pretzels image: Snyder's Online]
[Cape image: Sportsman's Guide]