This post is just too good not to share.  But I would have titled it, "And this is why you should love The Bloggess..."  Here's a sample:

Then Laura came to pick me up so we could go to the discount outlet together, and as Victor gave me a kiss goodbye he lovingly whispered, “You are not allowed to bring any more goddam towels in this house or I will strangle you“.   And that was exactly what I was still echoing through my head an hour later, when Laura and I stopped our shopping carts and stared up in confused, silent awe at a display of enormous metal chickens, made from rusted oil drums.

Laura:  I think you need one of those....

Now GO! Find out why huge metal chickens make lousy anniversary presents, will you?  The caption on the last photograph is just icing on the cake.

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My birthday has been re-postponed to Saturday.  I had a feeling that would happen.  Bright side?  I'm still 47.

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I had tights like those, too!

 My friend Carol (of garlicky giggles fame) has seen fit to harass me in the comments to last Friday's post.  Carol?  You might pretend you are doing me a service by asserting that you saw Tracy Partridge in a high school sex ed video depicting the realities of childbirth; but I fear your motives may be of the non-altruistic sort.  You're jealous, I suspect - yes, jealous of my having retained a childhood sense of whimsy into adulthood whilst you have morphed into a jaded, bitter woman pretending not to mourn the youthful illusions ripped from her too soon.

No matter - as I stated in Friday's comments, I will persist in clinging to my dreams of tambourine grandeur, tarnished as they might be by the thought of innocent little Tracy screaming labor-induced obscenities. Try as you might, Carol, you can't take that away from me.

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 Did I mention my birthday was postponed twice?  Oh, I did?  Well, then...

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Product rave: Trader Joe's Peach Pops!  Buy them!  Yum! 

Only 2 dollars!  Full of real peach goodness!  And no compensation has been received for this review!  I've even provided all my own exclamation points.

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I've had a hankering lately to say to someone,   "Back off, man - I'm a journalist!"  The opportunity never seems to come up, however.  Maybe because the statement's not true...

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Be sure to mosey on over to the original 7 Quick Takes, guest-hosted by Betty Beguiles this week because Jennifer of Conversion Diary just had her baby.   Betty is collecting money for a babymoon present - childcare/household help during those crazy first weeks.  For some reason, she thinks that Jennifer (with 5 children under the age of 7) might need some of that...

[Tracy Partridge photo: The Whine Sisters]

[Peach pops photo: All You Need Is Love]

Pin What?

So - I joined this site here, because people kept talking about it.  But now I have no idea what to do with it.  I mean, everyone is just looking at pictures of what other people like?  It's like blogging, I guess - only with no words...or funny stories...or anything...

Now people are "following" me, but there's nothing for them to see.  Should I "pin" pictures of my superannuated leftovers?  Snapshots of Larry's kill?  Cute photos of the children vomiting? Or is that just not done? It could be that I'm just too lowbrow to be a "pinner."

Is that what they call them? 




[Pinterest image: Maybe This Door?]

Usurped

Anna's high school graduation is tomorrow, and the mother in me rejoices at this milestone marking the end of childhood dependence and the beginning of Anna's making her own way in this big, wonderful world of ours.

The person part of me, however? The non-mother part?  Is sulking.  How DARE the school system schedule the graduation on - hello? - MY BIRTHDAY?!  Gone is my delicious custom of having the WHOLE, ENTIRE day to myself.  That's all I ask for my birthday every year, and that's what I get.  I look forward to the occasion with an almost unreasonable glee.

Do you realize how many times a day a mother needs to issue orders to people?  Do you have any idea how sick I am of the sound of my own voice?  Do you understand that a day to myself means that I do not have to tell anyone what to do?   I NEED MY BIRTHDAY.

"We'll just work it around the graduation," suggested Larry.

Work it around the graduation?  Squeeze it in?  I don't think so.  No.

"All right, then," counseled my patient husband.  "Let's just make your birthday a different day."

Sulk.

It won't be the same.  I LOVE my birthday - the longest day of the year, the first day of summer...why don't those silly school people make the GRADUATION a different day?  Hmmm?  Whoever heard of a Tuesday graduation, anyway?

Sulk.

All right.  Thursday.  I'll take Thursday.  And I'll pretend all day long tomorrow that it is NOT my birthday.  Because having it on 2 days just dilutes it.  Really.

I'll be turning 48 on Tuesday Thursday - 48 going on 3.  Just in case you were wondering...



[grad cap image credit: Simply The Best Gift Ideas]

[cake image credit: Webweaver's Free Clip Art]

Make My Friday

I CANNOT stop singing this.  And look - there are words for all you young'uns who don't know the lyrics!

 

 I always wanted to be Tracy - I knew I could really rock that tambourine.

Respite

Oh, my goodness, it is beautiful here.  You'd think we lived further north, where summer is not an endurance test and people don't hunker down in their houses (with brief forays - in air-conditioned cars - to blessedly cool Targets and Costcos) for the months of June, July, August, and September.  I don't know what we have done to deserve this respite from our typical heat and humidity, but bring it on! 

It's good to be alive.  Of course, it helps that the kids are still sleeping and no one is standing at my elbow saying, "MOMMY!"  every 3 minutes.  Because that's what my Rachel does.  She doesn't say, "Hey, Mommy, can we have a snack?" or "Mommy, I want to play outside."  No.  She says, "MOMMY!"  and stops.

"Yes, honey?"

"MOMMY!"

[Why the heck does she keep stopping at that?  Why doesn't she continue?]

"What is it, Rachel?"

"MOMMY! Can we have a snack?"

If this doesn't sound annoying, I'm not typing it right.  All I know is, every time I hear "MOMMY!" uttered in this tone that's a cross between someone's-bleeding urgency and someone jumping out of a closet to yell "BOO!", my insides seize up; and it's all I can do not to yell, "Just say it!  Say what you want!  YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION!"

Patience is not my strong point.


[Happy sun image: Free Extras]

7 Quick Takes: One Day Late Edition

All I can say is, anyone who would go to these lengths to embarrass his teenager is definitely a friend of mine.  Thank you, Wave at the Bus, you've restored my faith in American parents.

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Well!  According to this article, any fatigue I'm feeling is an indicator that I will soon be diagnosed with MS.  You know, I really preferred the iron-poor blood explanation.  But hey - my hypochondria can always use a boost.

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 Readers, I'm in love.  I've just discovered Evernote, which is evidently why the Internet needed to exist in the first place.  What?  You all already knew about it and neglected to tell me?  Shame on you!

Sigh - checklists, pdf's, notes, emails all in one place...tell me, what did I ever do to be so lucky?  All that, and a mobile app too! Oh, one-eyed elephant, I'd follow you anywhere! 

Why are you stuck listening to me babble on like this?  Because Larry is sick and tired of hearing me rave about my new inamorata.  The man's jealous, is all.

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Larry is an Evernote refusenik.  But is that so surprising a stance coming from a man who still uses Juno email?  Luddite.

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Guess who isn't here this weekend?  Larry took David for a backpacking overnight with a couple of other Boy Scouts.  Never mind that it is David's birthday...I sure hope REI has some freeze-dried birthday cake for hapless sons of outdoor enthusiasts, is all I can say.

 

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So!  What does a parent get for a teen who can bypass any and all security we might put on our home computer?  Handcuffs, maybe?  Problem is, we can no longer manage without him.  And he knows it.  Larry says it's my fault for teaching the kid to read in the first place.  That's it - when all else fails, blame the homeschooling...

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If you're not busy, visit Jennifer, who hosts 7 Quick Takes - I'm pretty sure she's an Evernote fan, also.  At least, with 5 kids age 7 and under, she should be.

[Edited to add:  Oh, wait - Jennifer is where I learned about Evernote in the first place.  Silly me.]

Lowering The Bar

"Don't you have Knit Night tonight?" Larry asked me after dinner.

"Oh, yes, I do!  I forgot!  I'm late!  Do you mind if I run out now?"

"Go ahead," he said.  "I've got things covered here."

What a great guy, I thought as I walked - nay, ran - out the door.  Tired out from the day's work and still willing to pick up the slack in the evening so his wife could have some much-needed social time....


So I'm sitting here 2 hours later looking at a sinkful of dirty dishes and wondering whether Larry just wanted me out of the way so he could conk out early with the kids.  Not that I'm complaining, really - if I did, Larry would point out, "Hey, I might not have cleaned the kitchen, but at least I didn't spend the evening Tweeting pictures of my private parts!"

Thank you, Congressman Weiner, for lowering the bar for men across America.  Husbands everywhere salute you.


[And, yes, both those links up there go to the same op-ed piece - it's worth a click just to read its title.]




[Dishes image credit: ChristyThomas.com]

Weiner Break

3 and a half minutes of comic relief for your Monday...and he doesn't use the word "weiner" even once!  (And I think it's funnier if you just listen to it, without watching - but maybe that is because I first heard it on an LP).

That was back when we couldn't even have imagined something like YouTube.

7 Quick Takes: Graduation Edition

You know, when we rejoiced years ago that we had moved into a neighborhood with 6 girls our Anna's age, we never considered what that might mean years down the road.  A bevy of cute kindergarteners morphs quickly into a gaggle of giggling 9-year-olds, which evolves into a coven of self-conscious 13-year-olds and then into a pack of new drivers and now? Well, let's just say that no one should have to attend this many graduation parties within a 3-day period...

And, no, I don't know why we didn't just plan ahead for a group party.  Too late now...

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Graduation parties with cake and potato chips and ice cream - did you know that pretending those calories do not exist by ignoring your Weight Watcher's mobile app is not an effective method of weight loss?

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Theo is in Morocco.  He flew there last weekend, after a grueling 24 hours spent in the company of 2 parents doing their best to impart to him every word of wisdom concerning foreign travel that popped into their worried middle-aged brains.  If Theo had taken everything we said to heart, he would have had to assume that the minute he set foot on foreign soil, he would have been besieged by pickpockets directing him to fake cabdrivers who would drive him to the local souk to be ripped off by haggling merchants.

According to Theo's Facebook page, that is not what happened.  Of course, the Al Quaeda cell which may have captured him could be forcing him to act as if nothing is wrong...

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Worry much?  Not us!

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The concept of bedtime around here has been shot to heck by the extended hours of daylight this time of year.  It's past 7 and the girls are outside playing and who am I to destroy these fleeting moments of childhood happiness?  And, truth to tell, it gives me a chance to blog.

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Now that "Go play outside!" is a movement I can get behind - for the kids, I mean.  Myself, I prefer the air-conditioned indoors when the humidity and temps top out at soul-sucking levels.  Oh, jeez, did I just start complaining about the weather?  Must be summer....

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You should hop on over to Jennifer's  7 Quick Takes - she lives in Texas and rarely complains about the humidity. 

[Cake image: CakeDecoratingCorner]

[Map image: WikiTravel]

Hope Is The Thing Without Stinkbugs

Oh, happy day!  No longer will I have to shell out mega-bucks in order to eradicate the stinkbugs from our attic.  Some good old American know-how is all it takes, as is apparent from this news video.  That's right - homemade stinkbug traps!  Put away the math books, kids - it's time for entomology!

You have to look at the video - I can't find a picture to show you.

David, of course, is pleased that this project will include duct tape.  I'm putting him in charge.  Now I just have to dig through the neighbors' recycling for a bunch of 2-liter soda bottles...

Fashion Alert

I know that some of my readers who come here for more light-hearted fare prefer I stay away from controversial topics, but I can no longer remain silent about a certain atrocity sweeping our nation.  Ladies, here's the word on the recently popular Bubble Shorts:

DON'T

These shorts resemble diapers even on stick figures.  Women wearing them look as though they should be sucking their thumbs.  No one over the age of 2 or 3 should be allowed to sport these fashion monstrosities.

Let us not talk about this abomination ever again.

[Image credit: Style Hive]