Wednesday, August 13, 2008

As The Food Turns...

It's Wednesday, which means it's time to ask: What is moldering in Suburban Correspondent's fridge?

In front, in the foil, we have our sacrificial egg sandwich of the week. As you may recall, we also had a sacrificial egg sandwich in previous weeks. You know how Jewish families leave a glass of wine for Elijah on the seder table at Passover? (Well, you do now.) Apparently, we leave Elijah an egg sandwich in our refrigerator; but he never eats it. Maybe he's not hungry. Or he's too soused on all that wine.

Next to the sandwich, in the blue saran wrap, is a leftover chunk of Rachel's birthday cake, lovingly decorated by Anna. As I have no desire to see my 6 children argue over and then methodically divvy up this one piece into 6 exactly even portions, strewing chocolate crumbs everywhere in the process, I am dumping it tonight. My sanity is worth the food wastage.

And what have we here, next to the cake? Is it...can it be...why, yes, it is 2 jars of salsa. Salsa! Imagine that! The one on the left is empty; and I can't get anyone to eat it the other one, because it is disgusting. El Paso Fresh Mexican Style Smooth Chipotle Salsa - not a crowd-pleaser. Remember, you heard it here first.

On the right, we have a head of cabbage that died a slow, horrible death in my refrigerator (ah, cabbage, we hardly knew ye!), a squishy tomato from I-know-not-where, and a bowl full of something else tomato-ey. But it isn't homemade salsa, because the 2 containers of homemade salsa are still in the frig. They have not yet aged sufficiently to qualify for this weekly feature.

In the back, we have our usual contingent of Gladware containers, containing everything from refried beans remnants to scraps of homemade pizza toppings (from our dairy fest last week) to some left over raisin oatmeal that I had meant to force into my children because I am sick of wasting food. Alas, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak; so I never did follow through on that.

The real question this week is why would there be 2 empty bottles of reconstituted lemon juice in my refrigerator. Why, indeed? Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to discard and cry...

And here, as a bonus, is a picture of some items I found lurking on my counter this evening that you just may recognize: that's right, these 2 items are proud alumnae of this weekly feature! The cashew butter is still here from last week (because none of you slackers told me the proper way to dispose of it), and the 4th of July salad dressing has been hanging around for a full fortnight.

Because I felt guilty getting rid of it.

I'm waiting for someone to knock it onto the floor, I guess; at that point I can clean up the remnants and discard them with a clear conscience. Of course, that still leaves the question of what I am going to do with its identical twin that remains in my refrigerator.

So stay tuned for next week's episode! Will the homemade salsa still be in the frig? Will Suburban Correspondent ever learn how to clean out a nut butter jar in an environmentally friendly fashion? And will Elijah eat his egg sandwich? All these questions and more will be answered next week, in As The Food Turns.




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27 comments:

  1. Give the nut butter to the dog, hopefully he has a long tongue and can get all the butter out. Those are BIG bottles of lemon juice, what in heaven's name do you do with that much lemon juice? One of those little plastic lemons sits in my fridge for months and months.

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  2. I can not figure put why we all do this. We know it won't get eaten but we just can't chuck it.

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  3. Oh, shoot. That reminds me I promised to post a pic of my refrigerator contents when I returned from Virginia three weeks ago. And I didn't, because I was too embarrassed to show that there was NOTHING IN IT. My children ate bread crumbs, dried red pepper flakes and cream of mushroom soup for 4 days, because I not only neglected to go grocery shopping before I left, I neglected to give them any cash.

    Just tell that to your kids the next time they want to waste an egg sandwich.

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  4. I love this weekly segment. Perhaps best that you didn't force feed the young 'uns the raisin oatmeal...

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  5. I think we are married to the same man. The bedroom is quiet until I climb into bed, get comfy and start to drift off to sleep. Then the lumberjack surfaces and the log sawing begins. I love my couch.

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  6. Peanut Butter jars are the ONE thing I refuse to wash out. It's just too hard.

    Remember this post here about the same topic? http://blogs.timesunion.com/largefamilylife/?p=236

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  7. Whether I'd just ditch the cashew butter jar depends upon how gross it is inside. As for peanut butter, our pb jars are actually NOT RECYCLABLE here--it's got one of the numbers RI doesn't handle. That sort of takes the pressure off, doesn't it?

    (Oh, the irony of buying all-natural organic peanut butter in a plastic jar that I can't recycle.)

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  8. Oh my goodness! You are the most gifted writer! I don't know anyone who can have me hooting with uncontrollable laughter about the contents inside the fridge! You've taken me from despair to hilarity!

    I'm so glad I know you!

    Elijah's egg sandwich . . . ha! Ours is to discard and cry. . .

    Ouch, my sides ache!

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  9. The salad dressing...just toss it. The cashew butter...eat it by the spoonful! Or just toss it. You'll feel so much better if you do!

    Is your fridge getting any cleaner from your weekly photo session?

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  10. I just like that you used the word 'fortnight'--
    Blessings!

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  11. LOL! Oh I hate cleaning out our fridge.

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  12. I can save your refrigerator from one moldering foodstuff in the future - tomatoes should not be put in the fridge. There you go. Let them rot on the counter. It will take longer :)

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  13. I was cleaning out my fridge last in preparation for vacation, and I thought of you and your shelves stuffed with salsa. For us, it's jam. 7 jars of jam in my fridge. Two jars of homemade strawberry jam, two jars of homemade strawberry rhubarb jam, one jar of purchased grape jam, one jar of purchased raspberry jam, and one jar of apricot preserves. We all have our thing, I guess.

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  14. I think you have stolen our fridge! It is usually just like that! :)

    The Broken Man

    http://theblogofabrokenman.blogspot.com/

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  15. You have a daughter named Anna?!? That's my name! Woo hoo for other Anna's with 2 n's!

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  16. I have a mission for you over at my blog. Stop on over and check it out.

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  17. How you do make your fridge sound exciting!

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  18. When I was a child, my mother kept out refrigerator so full, the supermarket would her when they were running short on supplies.

    Earlier this summer I noticed they still have some popcorn I gave my father as a gift in 1986!!

    All this shaped my commitment to keeping a lean, clean frdge. This compulsion is so strong, once in a while I'll go to the grocery, bring something home, and throw it right in the trash just to experience the joy of not putting something in the refrigerator.

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  19. Snorting about Elijah's egg sandwich. Maybe he's a picky eater.

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  20. Leave the open jar of cashew butter outside, and let the squirrels get it. It could actually be an educational experience for the family if you leave it near a window.

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  21. Fabulous title! When I'm in a quandary over how to recycle, I just leave it sitting on the counter until my husband cleans up. He has no recycling guilt and simply chucks it all in the garbage. My conscious is assuaged (I didn't do it!) and the item is gone. Win/win. How does Larry feel about recycling cashew butter?

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  22. Wanderjenn is right about the tomato, and I vote for Angela's suggestion for the cashew butter outside for the squirrels. They'll love you forever! :-)

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  23. Why don't YOU eat the birthday cake? I wouldn't even bother sharing it with my kids. I would eat it standing in front of the fridge with my face in the fridge. Because if my kids even thought I was trying to eat a piece of cake without them I would never hear the end of it. But I just can't bear to throw away good cake.

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  24. Why don't you nuke the glass jar of cashew butter (maybe adding a spoonful of water), scrape the cashew butter out and use it on your mousetraps, recycle the jar, and while you're at it, move the silverware to another drawer?

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  25. I take it the tomatoes were from the farmers market trip recently and not from your garden plot?

    KEEP BELIEVING

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  26. I soak my almost-but-not-quite-empty PB jars in water (hot is faster, but I'm sure cold would work too!) for a day or two...by then, most remnants not soaked off (and poured down the disposal) are blasted off with the water pressure. I don't lose sleep, though, if there are still some PB remnants in the bottom corner of the jar--I toss it in the recylcing bag and forget about it!

    Oh, and someone up above was right--if you want tomatoes (especially those expensive-but-totally-worth-it heirloom ones!) to retain their flavor & ripeness, they should not go in the fridge!

    Thanks for the weekly fridge posts...makes me feel better about the things we have growing in our fridge!

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  27. I can't believe I am commenting on this to let you know my very recent discovery for cleaning peanut butter jars - I have a miniature flexible silicone baking spatula and just realised it is the perfect fit for the remnats of PB caught in teh base and shoulders of an otherwise empty jsr - Ive recovered enough to make one more sandwich this way.

    Uk Hannah

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