LET ME EXPLAIN: I am not giving Larry mulch for Father's Day so that he will spread it in the yard and make me happy. That would be a nasty trick, akin to his giving me lingerie fit for a trollop because....well, I don't have to explain that one, do I? No, I bought the mulch as part of a bigger plan: we all worked on the yard while Larry wasn't here - weeding, raking, and mulching - so he won't have to.
Needless to say, the children weren't thrilled with this idea. They would have much preferred to present Larry with our usual Father's Day gift - a bag of cherry-cordial-filled Hershey's kisses that he then shares with them. (Every family has its traditions. Ours are just more boring than most.) But I've decided that, starting with Father's Day, this will be the year of giving selflessly. I do hope the children catch on to this concept quickly, seeing as how my birthday is on Monday.
And how much do I hate sharing my birthday weekend with Father's Day? I've been feeling resentful all week, actually. There's your damn mulch, all right? Now leave me alone while I psyche myself up for my big day. I've got plans to make. Currently they involve getting up early enough to sneak out of the house so that I do not have to tell one single person what to do all day.
Yes, that's my dream - I want 24 hours where I issue no orders, make no requests, threaten no small children. I want a full day where I can simply exist. Oooh, I get the shivers just thinking about it. All I asked for from Larry was that he take the day off on my birthday so that I could try to implement this crazy scheme.
Tilting at windmills, I know...