Of Nooks And Books (And Turkey)

Not as intuitive as it looks...

I don't know how you folks spent your holiday weekend; but I spent mine attempting to teach my father how to use a Nook e-reader.  I swear, I have never seen anyone have so much trouble with a touchscreen device.  Steve Jobs was turning over in his grave, I am sure.

Oh, and yes, there was the turkey thing, complete with stuffing and mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce that mysteriously refused to gel for the first time ever.  And there was Anna being annoyed because she had to give her room to Grandpa for 4 nights.  It's not as if we had her sleeping on the couch, either.  She took Susie's bed (which has a better mattress than mine); and Susie stayed in our bed (because that is where she ends up every night anyway).

Yes, I do know Susie is 6.  Six and a half, actually - but we are lousy parents.  I can only assume she'll be in our room until she graduates high school.  And I don't even care anymore.

Maybe I'll write a book - How To NOT Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems.  Not catchy enough?  Then how about Sleep Schmeep - Forget About It Already!

All you imaginary book agents who didn't bother to contact me about my How To Talk So Kids Will Shut Up, I'm giving you another chance to email me.  We've got a winner here. 


[Nook image: CNET]
[Book image:  Mad Professor]

Happy Thanksgiving!

Watching this video has become a Thanksgiving tradition in these parts:

I'm not sure I'll survive, however.  It's only 9 AM and we've already experienced both a cranberry sauce emergency and a potato-peeling injury.  Who knew holidays could be so fraught with danger?

Belated Parenting

Thanksgiving is upon us, and I am elbow-deep in dry bread cubes, cranberry loaves, and all the other major characters of this particular holiday.  This is our first Thanksgiving without Theo, and I'm just now realizing that I will have to cook the gravy and mash the potatoes myself.  If I had thought of that sooner, I would have paid for the darn plane ticket, you know?

Theo, in the meantime, will be a guest at one of his fellow cadets' homes for the holiday weekend.  This situation has precipitated a cascade of worries on my part. And, of course, numerous texts to my hapless son:

Remember, you're in the South.  They EXPECT you to say "ma'am" and "sir."


On the drive down, pick up some flowers for his mom.


Offer to help in the kitchen!

How did my eldest reach the age of 20 not having ever been a house guest?  You'd think we would have covered this ground before.


[Miss Manners image: Confessions of a Crafty Housewife]

If The Shoe Fits...

3 boys, 3 girls - our household is like a laboratory for an investigation into the personality differences (or lack thereof) between male and female.  And up until today, I would have sworn (after 2 decades of careful study) that one HUGE difference is that boys, unlike the fairer sex, have a built-in aversion to trying on clothes.  Actually, just standing in a clothing store is often enough to give them hives.  Both Theo and David, for example, when dragged to the shoe store will stand there and say, "Okay, that looks good."

"But you haven't tried it on!"

"I know my size.  It'll fit.  Let's go."


Today, however, I had to take Brian to Payless for some form of hiking boot.  So!  He cheerfully tried on 2 different hiking boots, 2 sizes each, and proclaimed all of them too "high."  Exasperated, I told him he would just have to wear his sneakers on this weekend's Boy Scout hike.  At which point I noticed said sneakers were falling apart. So then (again cheerfully) he tried on 3 different pairs of sneakers, 2 sizes each, and determined that the heels were all too "slippy."

As he struggled with the last pair of laces (about 45 minutes in), I began to lose it.  "What are you doing?  Can't you even tie your own shoes?  For heaven's sake, people are going to think you're homeschooled or something!"

Brian giggled and chanted, "I'm homeschooled, I'm homeschooled!" as he continued to fuss with his 2 bunny ears.  He has an awesome sense of humor, people.  Just awesome. But that doesn't change the fact that he trashed the results of my 20 years of painstaking research into gender differences.  My other boys don't giggle in shoe stores.

Bunko and Spanx - Great Combo!

I spent yesterday ignoring my kids while making my home presentable  for Bunko.  I spent today eating all the leftover candies from the dice tables while nursing a housecleaning hangover.  I've been feeding my children "Bunko food" for 2 days.  I cannot understand why I am allowed to be in charge of other human beings.  It makes no sense.

I'm finding, lately, that my jeans are way more comfortable unbuttoned.  I believe that is a bad sign.  But at least I'm not trying to wear Spanx.  Really, if you think you have ever been embarrassed in your life, watch this video.  You'll feel much better about yourself.

That is all.  Nothing else to see here but a middle-aged housewife finishing up the almond Hershey kisses.  Move right along...


[Bunko image: Cheyenne Crossing HOA]