Thursday, May 01, 2008

Why Bunkbeds Are A Bad Idea

I was going to be a good girl and go to bed at 10 this evening, but then I decided to stay up and wash puke off of the boys' bedroom wall instead. Because that activity is more enjoyable than a good night's sleep.

Naturally, what with vomit-cleanup being such an adrenaline-pumping experience, I am still up. And not feeling too well myself, I might add. Larry went back to sleep, however, after moving the bunkbeds and lifting the mattresses and removing the puked-on guardrails for me while I wrung my hands and wailed things like, "Aaagh! It's dripping on me!" and "Why does he always have to be in the top bunk when he throws up?!" To that last, Larry said, "I dunno. We're lucky, I guess."

You know, Larry may seem like he's totally out of it, standing there in his underwear and looking groggy; but he always manages to come up with a good one-liner at times like these.

The embarrassing part is that when I heard Brian coughing strangely in his bed and I went in and didn't see any vomit (because it was dark and he had puked on the wall next to the bed and because I didn't really want to find any vomit, if you must know the truth), I had to debate whether there was a new puke smell in the room, or if that was just the old puke smell from October. I mean, how can you tell? Is that a question I could send in to Hints from Heloise, you think?

I'm just so glad Brian didn't want the tuna at dinner. I don't think I could have cleaned that up.

Hello? Anyone still here?

Before my evening was ruined, I went to Knit Night and let everyone touch the book that the Yarn Harlot had signed for me. Then I ate a delicious chicken caesar salad and half a brownie sundae, and I fervently hope that I will not be seeing those 2 items again tonight. Things are not looking good, though. Can anyone tell me: do you stop catching stomach viruses once the kids are grown and gone? Because this vomit scene is getting really old.

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38 comments:

  1. There's nothing worse than vomit in bed. All those layers. And the pajamas. And the middle-of-the-night-ness of it all. Poor you. I hope you're sounds asleep and not hugging the porcelain right now.

    Feel better.

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  2. Oh dear. I think I threw up a little once you mentioned the tuna.

    And don't take this the wrong way, but I'm totally picturing your husband in his underwear.

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  3. Ugh, twice over tuna. GAG.

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  4. "Ralph". My least-favorite relative. Hope you're feeling better. I'm thinking that after the last chick leaves the nest, there is always the option of catching what our coworkers have. That certainly seemed to work in *our* office all winter!

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  5. You lucky woman. Sometimes I think you wouldn't have anything to write about if it wasn't for the excess of bodily fluids in your house.

    I know what you mean about the paranoia of vomit and other smells. A drop of tea-tree oil can be effective at getting rid of nasty odours.

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  6. I'm glad, too, that he didn't have the tuna at dinner. And I'm really hoping that your brownie sundae doesn't come back on you because I can speak from experience that moms do catch the flu from their kids. This may or may not have something to do with the fact that I actually caught the puke before it splatted on the floor. I'm thinking hand sanitizers aren't all that good.

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  7. ah, vomit.

    at least with the dogs they do their best to clean up after themselves..... gross in its own way, of course.

    and i fear it will be awhile now before i can bring myself to eat tuna again.

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  8. Yes the bunk beds add a multi-layer dimension to the whole puke thing. Just think of it as an added degree of difficulty that you master to get to the next level.

    As for puke dating...hmmmm. Maybe some of the carbon dating techniques could be used to pinpoint the exact puke timeline.

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  9. do the kids actually grow up and leave? that's the real question.

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  10. DO NOT, for any reason, eat Shredded Wheat if there is any chance you might get sick. That is the worst thing ever to throw up. Really. Take my word for it.

    I had to get that warning in before going any further. One good turn deserves another, since you just talked me out of a vague consideration of bunk beds.

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  11. jennifern - Shredded Wheat - got it!

    madge - They'd better. I've already got my knitting/scrapbooking room all planned out...

    hrh - hmmm - childrearing as a video game...I don't think I want to get to the next level...

    laurie - you and me, both...

    tootsie - I think tuna is going on a temporary hiatus in this house.

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  12. My kids had bunkbeds for about ten minutes. Didn't take long for me to realize that space was less important than my head, my back, my linens, etc.

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  13. AnonymousMay 01, 2008

    My pediatrician trumped my last vomit story with a tale that included the phrase, "...vomited over the edge of the bed, into the heating duct..." See? Better now.

    I have a nose-bleeder. Similar, but now I worry about CSI coming to my house.

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  14. Happily, I am the clean-up-the-child person, and husband is the cliean-up-the-bed person.

    And don't EVEN think that the rinse cycle will remove those half-chewed grapes from the sheets. Kitchen sink. Garbage dispos-all. THEN washer. *sigh* Of course, the washer rarely throws up again on him.

    They WILL leave home eventually. It's our only hope.

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  15. Ew. I think, however, cleaning up vomit from between crib slats is worse than bunk beds (from personal experience). Lord love you, honey.

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  16. melissa - It's a toss-up, isn't it? But it's not as if we get to choose...

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  17. I will myself not to puke. And let's not forget I was scraping olive puke off of bedding while 6 weeks pregnant. I like to remind people of that.

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  18. We've had the puke down the side of the bunk bed, and boy is it not fun. I feel for you.

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  19. Oh, cleaning up puke is the worse. We have managed to stay clear of the norovirus this year (thank God). But back during the holidays, we had our share of puke fest.

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  20. I can you from experience that cleaning up puked up rice is super disgusting. And while there are no chunks with regurgitated orange juice, the smell could knock a buzzard off a rail.

    Can I send you the bill to repair my laptop? Because I read the tuna remark and shot Dr. Pepper out my nose and all over my keyboard. I can feel it fizzing up inside my brain.

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  21. Oh yes, the vomiting onto the wall on the side of the bed story.
    I know it well.
    It's even better when the child likes to keep things in between the wall and the bed.
    Like books.
    I'm just glad they weren't library books.

    A while ago, my daughter got sick in the middle of the night. Since there was such a large amount on the front side of her bed, I didn't even think of checking the other side. A few days later, I was helping her look for her shoes and found some dried up yuck on the carpet on the other side of her bed. I asked her when she did that and she said it was the same time as the other. She also said that when our neighbors daughter was over to play the day before, she asked what it was.
    Great.
    "What did you tell her?" I asked
    "I told her it was throw up."
    Great. I'm sure she went home and told her mom.
    Now that I think of it, that probably explains why her mom keeps asking to see what we've done with our basement. She especially wants to see what we've done with Brielle's room.......
    (Yes, I cleaned it up as soon as I discovered it.)

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  22. I can't believe you guys have this stomach-throwing-up-thing again!! Talk about the law of averages working against you!

    Hope everyone is better by the weekend.

    God bless (I think you need it! *smile, wink*)

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  23. Bleah. I think I'm gonna throw up, too.

    Tuna vomit? Ewwww.

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  24. I Knew there was a reason that I NEVER wanted my girls in bunk beds.
    (that and the fact that they would never actually SLEEP in them).
    Bless you for taking care od it and your DH for adding comic relief.
    Hope you are well and didn't get to revisit your dinner.
    Pax, EJT

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  25. After I got home from the hospital, and not having eaten for 2 days, I ate 2 jello-o's and then, ON THE SCOOTER, made it as far as the bathroom where it wouldn't stop coming out of me. Think 'projectile.'

    I had to call McLoserstene at 11 pm to come over and clean it, it was all mainly water. She did, was really great about it since I apologized 20 million times but as yet will not use my bathroom again.
    That worries me.

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  26. Oh honey! Ugh, ugh. There just is nothing worse than vomit, not even Scruffy poop. Can you paint over it?

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  27. Yuck! Sorry about all the vomit.

    I think I am beginning to understand your knitting. You get a mom's night out (and a trip too!) and you get food! I'm beginning to wonder if any actual knitting is going on!

    tee hee hee

    But as a mom to SIX kids, you deserve all the "knitting" you can get!

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  28. Uggh...I know the feeling; I did this middle of the night cleanup not long ago too. Guess I shouldn't have drank do much (just kidding...it was my daughter from too much dinner)

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  29. I can promise the shredded wheat thing is true. I think that phenergan suppositories should be sold OTC for moms.

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  30. My kids are now 16 and almost 20. A few years back, #2 daughter called me upstairs: "M-O-M-M-M!!!!!!!! I'm blowing carrot and potato chunks on the wall!!!!!" And she was. She thought that maybe we could paint over them.

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  31. I HATE VOMIT!!! Luckily my kids never really were vomit bug catchers. I mean occasionally but not like some families. I hate throwing up. And how do you not catch it when you are elbow deep in it? Never did figure that one out?

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  32. You know how Eskimos have like a hundred different words for "snow?" Well, I think Moms have at least that many words for vomit. It's just part of the landscape of motherhood, I guess.

    We went through a stenchy stretch with my oldest where he would throw up in bed (or in the car, or at the table...) at least once a week. Boy am I glad he grew out of that phase!

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  33. I detest the smell of vomit. Give me poop duty any day.

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  34. Oh, that was funny! (Well, until you got to the tuna part... lol)

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  35. I would rather give birth than throw up. Whenever someone here gets it (we go in 6 mos. cycles), they are isolated from everyone else, I wear a mask/gloves, and I don't eat for 48 hrs. What's not in doesn't come out.

    Let's hope it's just a one-timer, you lucky thing.

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  36. UGH! I couldn't have done it! UGH! UGH! YUCK!!!!!! When my son puked off the top bunk and it splattered all over the land, my husband (of course) cleaned it up. When he couldn't get the smell out of the carpet after a couple weeks, I just cut a huge square of the carpet out and tossed it. What? That's a perfectly normal reaction.

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  37. I've been collecting destinking information for some years now. Here's a summary, and maybe one of these will work:

    1. OdoBan (Walmart sells it) - it was next to the Clorox, not with the other spray cleaners
    2. Clorox - "orange floor cleaner type"
    3. rug washing liquid
    4. Citrasol (sold at appliance stores to get the calcium out of dishwashers)
    (or ask for the "citrus based biodegradable cleaner")

    DIAL Anti-Bacterial Spray Cleaner (not a hand soap, a spray cleaner)

    Cheap biological washing powder (the digesting enzymes type)

    Baking soda! make a solution in cool water, let it soak in.

    some places now sell the de-stinking part of cat
    litter separately from the litter, so you could just get the chemicals.

    hydrogen peroxide

    for skunk smell: a sequence of detergent, baking soda, mouthwash, and peroxide.

    charcoal, vanilla, and lots of sunshine - got the sour milk smell out of a car trunk that had
    a gallon of milk for three days and the milk had had burst out of the top of the jug

    Dr Scholls foot odor pad

    a spray designed to eliminate the odor of mildew
    that sometimes gets into the Air Conditioning vents of cars

    Good luck! And train the kids to aim for the plastic wastebasket when they're sick.

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