Friday, June 13, 2008

Size Matters

You need to know (well, maybe not, but I'm going to say it anyway) that I am a weird size, with very narrow shoulders, but a lot up front. In fact, if I followed all those complicated measure-yourself-for-the-correct-bra instructions, I'd end up shopping for a 28G. Which doesn't exist. Therefore, it takes me just a few minutes short of forever to find the right bra. It has to minimize, it can't produce unsightly bulges, and - most important - it cannot be pointy. Dear Lord, why are all these pointy bras out there anyway? That look hasn't been in since the original Star Trek.

Naturally, once I find the right bra, I am devoted to it forever. I believe in commitment, the until-death-do-us-part kind (oh, who am I kidding, I want to be buried in it, actually). I have my style number memorized, all right? It's vital information, right up there with my social security number and blood type.

Alas, if only brassiere manufacturers displayed this same sort of loyalty. But, no, they don't. Every few years I will walk confidently into the lingerie department of JCPenney's or Kohl's and find, to my utter horror, that my style no longer exists. It's gone. Poof! Just like that.

Or, even worse, I find that my style number is still there; but things are, sadly, not the same. The shape of the cups have changed, say, or there isn't enough coverage in the chest area. Not to name names, LILYETTE MINIMIZER, but a while back I bought 3 of your stupid brassieres in the style that I had been buying for years; and none of them fit. MAY YOU ROT IN HELL!

Oh, dear, just excuse that little outburst, will you? It's just that this is such an emotional topic for me. Do you know how demoralizing it is to stand practically naked in front of a dressing room mirror, trying on bra after bra after bra in assorted sizes, all the while being treated to an uncensored view of a body that is, to put it kindly, not what it once was? A body, in fact, that you saw on your best friend's mother when you all shared a hotel room when you and your friend were 12, and you thought that her mother looked okay for an old lady?

I've just got to take a few deep breaths here. Give me a sec.

Okay, I'm back. All this to say that I feel well-qualified to give bra shopping advice for us hard-to-fit types. In other words, all you chicks with your cute little A and B cups who can just grab any brassiere off the rack at Target without trying it on with 3 different shirts to check its containment potential can just run along now. There's nothing for you here.

Are they gone? Good. I hates them with their sexy little shelf-bra camisoles. Life is so unfair.


Advice For Women With Something Extra

1. Do not go bra shopping with the children. Not only will they not allow you nearly enough time to go through the entire collection of minimizers available, but they will also make frequent and loud comments about what they are seeing in your dressing room. Believe me, you only have to hear, "That makes you look like Grandma!" once to understand the wisdom of this rule.

2. You get what you pay for. At one point I rebelled and said, "Why can't I spend 10 bucks or less on one of these fun-looking sport bras at Target? My children deserve to go to college same as the progeny of those small-breasted tarts." I wore my cheap-o bras for 2 full months; because this happened in the days before digital cameras, and 2 months was how long it took me to get my rolls of film developed into pictures that showed just how awful I can look without the proper support. The day I got those photos back? A very bad day indeed. But eventually I crawled out from under my bed and went to the store, where I plunked down everything I had for the deluxe containment model; and I've never looked back.

3. If you have a D or larger cup, anything less than 3 rows of hooks in the back is the manufacturer's idea of a joke. A joke, meaning that you look pretty darn funny with your boobs dragging down to your navel as the back of your bra creeps up toward your neck. Gravity, folks - it's not just a good idea, it's the law.

4. You need to put aside your fantasies when you step into that lingerie department. Do you see all those dainty lacy bras and teddies and camisoles? Just avert your eyes - they are not for you. You will always have to wear something that looks as if more engineering went into it than into the Eiffel Tower. It sucks. Get used to it. (I sound bitter, don't I? Damn right, I'm bitter.)

5. Don't assume that nursing will be easier just because you are so well-endowed. First of all, none of the pretty nursing bras come with enough rows of hooks (see #3). Second, when the baby's head is smaller than your boob, the nursing logistics get a little tricky. Where am I going with this? I don't know.

6. Do not even get me started on bathing suits. I just thank the good Lord that I can order 2 different sizes for top and bottom from Lands End. (And, hey, marketing folks at Lands End, if you want to send me a free swimsuit for that little promo, you know where to find me...)

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73 comments:

  1. I. Hate. Bra. Shopping.

    The last time I went bra shopping was when my daughter was 5. I took her with me.

    Never. Again.

    It was bad enough to hear her loud and embarrassing comments in the dressing room, but when I started to hear the ladies in the other changing rooms snickering and laughing .............

    Of course some day, my daughter will need one of those things, and I will take her bra shopping, then it will be my turn to embarrass her :0D

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  2. SC, I feel your pain, and have been through the same process. But recently I found bra nirvana at Kohl's - Vanity Fair Fits You Perfectly bra. Comes up high enough in the cup (which is my pet peeve these days), not pointy, comfortable, supportive - it's got it all. Now you know why I've looked so stunning the last few times you've seen me.

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  3. I'm soooo with you on this one sister! Finding a good bra, that fits and looks pretty has been a darn near impossible task. Just one more thing my mother didn't tell me about LOL (she never told me that your bra size changed as you aged either).
    Luckily for me, a new lingerie shop opened just across the street from me and whilst I was in buying for my daughter, the very very nice korean lady who runs the place took one look at me and started dragging out bras for me. Not granny bras either, PRETTY ones WITH support!! She is an amazing woman (who I am adding to my christmas card list!) she took one look at me, got my size right and found me bras that fit. And best of all? I get two for $25!! I'm one of those hard to fit sizes so I am eternally grateful that I'm no longer stuck with granny bras (those hated monsters that gave you missle boobs). I'm just waiting now for her newest shipment to come in - she ordered all her prettiest bras in MY size. God I love that woman.

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  4. So what bras do you wear? Inquiring minds want to know! Funny, funny post!

    I'm with you on HATING the changing of formulas. I ran in to grab 2 more of the EXACT SAME BRA I'd been wearing for 2 years (yes, I checked the numbers) only to be stabbed with underwire in a new place and decorative stitching on the cups that showed through my shirts. If I wanted something decorative showing through my shirts I wouldn't be wearing such heavy-duty bras!

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  5. You've met me. You know I'm pretty small. This bothered me when I was a teenager (let's face it, it's hell either way as a teenager), but no more. I wouldn't trade for anything. I don't even bother with bras, not since I stopped having to wear "work" clothes at an office. I was instructed I "needed" a bra while nursing, and you know what? It just helped brew thrush. I nursed without bras the second time around and it was just fine. And since you brought up nursing anyway, I got these real snarky-meant-to-be-concerned comments about whether I'd be "able" to nurse, being so small and all, and one thing has nothing to do with the other! I had enough milk for triplets, and my babies got FAT like babies should.
    Some people are just so stupid. Not every single thought has to be spoken aloud...

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  6. Vanity Fair - got it. Right now I have a Bali minimizer that does the trick, but it would be good to have a back-up style in case Bali pulls a fast one...

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  7. Coming out of the woodwork to comment (apparently we DO have a fascination with commenting about lingerie)

    Amen to #5 on your list. During that first nursing session with all my babies, they thought that a small planet was coming to smother them. Seriously, a shadow fell over their faces.

    And just because the cousins are large, it does not mean that they store ample supplies of milk. My husband and I joke that mine are like the display model: very pretty to look at but not very functional when all is said and done.

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  8. UGH.

    OK. So I have this problem that no bra manufacturers have thought of (or at least they don't address it). The distance (length) between my shoulder and boob is VERY long. So long that ALL BRA STRAPS ARE TOO SHORT AND DIG INTO MY SHOULDERS CAUSING SHOULDER STRAIN, NECK TENSION AND HEADACHES. The pity is that my boobs aren't big enough to need much but I can't even find that!!

    I have found some bras that are convertible...can be used in a criss-cross fashion which lo and behold the bra manufacturers allow a few blessed inches of strap to be included....thank God.

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  9. I hate thin bra straps. Somebody was making gel-filled straps, can't remember who, but now we're talkin'.

    I restrained myself from commenting on the underwear post (why?), but could not lurk through a Hating of the Bra Shopping Post.

    Amen, Amen, Amen, and Amen.

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  10. I have the exact same problem, I have a very small back and no shoulders, but am very well endowed. I went my whole life wearing bras that did nothing, looking terrible, knowing that somehow there just HAD to be a bra somewhere for people like me.

    So I finally had a professional fitting about two years ago, and it changed my life. Now that I know what size I'm supposed to wear, and what companies to special-order them from (because 32DD does not exist on the rack), I feel like a new woman. A good bra is very expensive, mine cost about $70, but are absolutely worth it.

    Nursing bras, however, have yet to exist for the skinny and well endowed. According to Motherhood Maternity only large women with large breasts or small women with small breasts are allowed to breastfeed.

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  11. I pretty much factor wasted bra money into my budget now. I lost 65 lbs. which is great for all my clothing except bras. Think water balloons that have suffered a serious leak. I cannot find a bra that fits now, at all.

    Every few weeks, I go in the fitting rooms with all the possibilites on those dinky plastic hangers (also, lingerie clerk must be an awful job, trying to get those bras hung back on those hangers just so. I apologize for being the lady who leaves them on there wrong.)

    Of the last 5 bras I bought, I've found one that I really like. I went back and bought the exact same thing in a different color and mysteriously, it fits all wrong.

    One bra seemed to pass all the dressing room test and even the cashier told me she wears that one and loves it. It's great as long as I'm standing up straight. As soon as I bend slightly at the waist,everything falls out of the cups. Whoops.

    Oh, and while I'm using your comment space to rant (thanks), I have to get bras with foam padding now. Because apparently, I'm always cold, or at least I appear that way. Otherwise I have to listen to DH snicker about my headlights being on.

    I'm thinking about just switching to an Ace bandage.

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  12. I was shocked to find Victoria's Secret is actually a pretty good deal for a 36D--expensive, but they're pretty and they last.

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  13. Actually posted on the bra thing at MadMad's place. Hubby's lovin the D cups around here, but I'd love to shrink back to a C someday...have never understood those who surgically ENHANCE...are they CRAZY??!!!
    Love my Fruit of the Loom regular strap sporties...Can't do the thin strap thing EVER AGAIN!!!
    They don't look perfect...but THAT is MY fault! Now, excuse me while I go exercise...
    Blessings, E

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  14. The best thing I ever did was to go to a high end store for a real life bra fitting. It has been uplifting to say the least. And guess what? Oprah was right. I went down 2 sizes in the band, and up 3 cup sizes!

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  15. Oh Yes! Also coming out from lurking to comment, because it IS fun to talk about what goes on under our clothing! My problem isn't that the "front" is too large, because it isn't. But my ribcage is larger around than my "front" is big. Does that make any sense to anyone?? How are you supposed to find a bra that is big enough to fit around, but small enough to contain, well, basically nothing?? Once upon a time I found three bras in the pre-teen department, but alas, they were never to be found again.

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  16. Pointy boobs, who thinks that boobs should be shaped that way? Ewww! I am inbetween the teeny tiny and the DD. Unfourunatly I have nursed 5 kids. Enough said. Finding a bra is almost te closest thing to torture for me. I would rather have a root canal.

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  17. You should also check out www.zafu.com. Input what you're looking for, what your major problem is (mine is I pop out of the top of my bras), and even what style you like (lace or no lace) and it will give you a list of bra brands, in a variety of prices, to try. I'm only a C cup, but the girls went south after two babies in three years and 20 months combined of breastfeeding. The Zafu site helped me find something that had been elusive for a long time....a bra that actually fits.

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  18. I just discovered yor blog recently...funny stuff! I am wearing an Old Navy bra right now that I bought on a whim ONLINE when I was ordering t-shirts and shorts for my kids. It is not made for a mom who has had 4 kids....lol....I may actually change it...I feel like I am popping out. They should put a disclaimer....just because it comes in a D cup, doesn't mean it will work out in real life...or-only buy this bra if you are under aged 14-18.

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  19. *Looks around* - can I swear here? I fucking despise bra shopping! If swearing is not allowed, just change that f-bomb to "effing". I do NOT understand women who get implants - nothing against them - but I always wanted to be an A or B cup and just grab a "whatever" bra. Boobs are so overrated. Fat globules.

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  20. I despise bra shopping, too. I'm big on top, but also bigger all over than I want to be right now. If you weren't narrow through the shoulders, I would suggest Lane Bryant's bras, because they're so supportive (and have 3 hooks, thank you very much, Lane Bryant). I even converted my friend to their bras.

    I wish mine were about a B cup, not DD. Small women don't know how good they have it.

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  21. I give up and where the old ones until they are horrible, Then trek on down and am so depressed.

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  22. As one of those women with extra, I love Le Mystere. I'm telling you, the keep a girl UP.

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  23. They are worth the money! They're usually cheaper on Ebay.

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  24. AnonymousJune 13, 2008

    I know you told me to go away, but I just couldn't. I'm one of those not quite and A but not quite a B either. And it is just as HARD for me to find a good bra as it is you because although I am small, I am still heavy. I'll put it on, put my shirt back on, take it off, try on another, rinse repeat. My problem is that while I'm not interested in looking big, I don't want to look completely flat either. And don't say I can buy a padded one because I don't like fake. But like you, I found a couple at Kohls, the Wonder bras and believe it or not, one at Victoria Secrets. But notice at Victoria Secrets, I only found ONE in a small enough size for me. And paid a pretty penny for it too. Keep it for special occasions. :) Love your blog by the way. Margie

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  25. Have you seen the company Bravissimo: http://www.bravissimo.com/? I'm so tempted to buy something from there...

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    Replies
    1. Do it. The bras are fantastic and their customer support excellent.

      Delete
    2. Hmmm....I'll have to check it out.

      Delete
    3. Just found your blog and have been catching up with old posts while ill in bed, I just wanted to thank you for it! I'm not a weird stalker just a mother of two soon to be fulltime working outside the home and was a bot overwhelmed until reading some of your very practical advice!

      Anyway, do look up Bravissimo, and their sister company pepperberry clothing. Their bras are very pretty and have matching, sensible pants! Their sizing seems a bit weird to start with (not sure if they do US sizez, Im from UK)but it is good to have shirts that don't gape at teh buttns etc once you are used to the sizing.

      Thanks for the inspiration!

      H

      Delete
  26. As a woman who also has a lot extra on top, I can sympathize and totally agree with you on the three-hook thing.

    But, I have one word for your particular predicament: Frederick's of Hollywood (oops, that's three). My BFF has the same problem as you--narrow shoulders with much enhancement below. She swears by their bras. I don't have quite as many bra challenges as she does so I've never shopped there but she loves them. In case you're wondering, no, she's not a "professional"--just a normal mom like us!

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  27. Amen, sister. A.M.E.N! I will say thought that nursing was in some ways easier. I could nurse in bed - try that with an A cup - and, even more amazing, I once changed a diaper while nursing. Not for the small chested!

    You didn't list any that you really like though. (I was a wee bit disappointed.) My OB told me I needed underwireless bras as I have under breast infections (another thing As and Bs never deal with - damn them). I got sports bras thinking they would offer SOME support but nah, I don't like em as much as my underwires. So, to hell with the OB and his advice (did you notice the gender). Next time I shop (I have to recover as I just spent money on these sports bras) I am so going for the underwire; these girls need something to keep them above my waist!

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  28. AnonymousJune 13, 2008

    I'm solving this problem the good new-fashioned way: Plastic surgery. I am going for an all insurance paid breast reduction. I went bra shopping to see what size I wanted to be. I felt like a kid in a candy store. That was the best bra shopping experience I ever had. Let's see, big B or little C? Not only that, but no more back pain or shoulder grooves to look forward to.

    Yes, things are looking up. Well, they will be come July.

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  29. AnonymousJune 13, 2008

    Oh, BTW, my breasts were larger than all of my children's heads when I was nursing. It was comical. Like the docking of the lunar module. It would have been obsence to leave the house.

    You're not the only one.

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  30. Hey, you might not get the most comments with this one, bt it looks like you are certainly going to get the longest comments! I won't add to your burden by describing my bra woes ..... I'll just say I know exactly what you're talking about.

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  31. Okay, I'm getting a little overwhelmed by all the info in these comments. At last count, I have at least 5 recommended bra purveyors to check out. Had I but world enough and time...

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  32. I have nothing to add, just wanted to help you beat your old comment record.

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  33. I feel a strong urge to discuss my undergarments! See? There is something about women and this topic.

    Why is it so hard to find a bra that is thick enough to hide your nipples but not so thick that it's a push up bra? I just want coverage not more cleavage.

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  34. AMEN!!!!!

    I was a happy 36D until I got pregnant the first time. Ohhhh, how my world changed! I haven't been below an F since then... and that's been 10 years now. UGH. I just want to cry every time I have to bypass the rack of pretty lacy things.

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  35. Why do you have to go hatin' us who wear the shelf bras?

    I hate all my bras. With the nursing, pregnancy weight, not nursing, saggy boobs... none of them fit.

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  36. When not nursing I'm an A cup and I'm telling you, you got it wrong about just grabbing any old bra. Unless you don't mind looking like a 12 year old boy. In that case, have at it.

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  37. I absolutely sympathize. I'm a 30H. Arg. Figleaves.com has become invaluable! It's just about the only place I buy bras anymore. That and brastop.com - there are some serious deals on that site, but shipping to + from UK makes it risky if you get something that you don't like.

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  38. Bras are the worst! Please don't think that only those with large cup sizes suffer. Oh no my friend! Before nursing I was a nice C cup. Now that I haven't nursed anyone in five years I have deflated to about an A and 3/4. There is no shape left at all so that I need the "well constructed bra" you mentioned just to make them a appear to be breasts. Just for fun let's throw in the fact that I am the apparently the only fat girl with small boobs in existence and that like "hrh" above, I am also tall so I can only wear bras with the removable, longer straps. Just try to find a bra that meets all those requirements!

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  39. Here's to hopping you break your 45 comment record! Cheers.

    You had me at 28G. *SMILES*

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  40. I had the same problem with my favourite, held perfectly and didn't pinch anywhere, brag about to anyone who'd listen, bra.

    The company stopped making them and I was devastated. Hubby thought I was overreacting until he saw the one I "settled" for.

    Then he cried too.

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  41. Brilliant post. Hysterical at your expense. Loved it! I'm not naming sizes.

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  42. So close to beating the record ... I had to help out! Here's one more bra company - Title Nine Sports - they have the "Frog" bra (so you can jump without bouncing), and all their sports bras are rated by barbells. One barbell for the A cups, and so on ...

    Love your blog. So funny!

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  43. AnonymousJune 15, 2008

    Bra shopping is a horrid form of penance. I would go without if I wouldn't a)hang down to my navel and
    b) give my self a black eye. I have had luck with Lane Bryant. I will tell you all that the weirdest bra solution I ever saw was a little old lady in a nursing home. She was 'deflated' so she would literally roll up her breasts so they would fit into her bra cups. I had to help her dress so I saw this and the image never quite left me.

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  44. Almost to your record-breaking comment! I read all of them to see if any one else has my problem, and apparently not. Since having two kids 19 mos. apart, one of my breasts is now slightly bigger than the other. (!?)

    I've never spent more than $25 on a bra, and those are the clearance ones at Vickie's. I have used front clasping bras almost my entire bra-wearing life, which I love. And I got to use them while I was nursing, which I loved. But now, I'm always having to adjust the one side. I don't know why it's bigger......did I nurse more on that side than the other? Or less? It's very odd.

    And Becca, I, too, have to wear bras with some foam because I have serious "headlight" problems, even though I'm warm more than I'm cold. And so when the right side falls out, I can SO feel it!!

    All this introspection has made me realize that I need to go bra shopping.

    Thanks a lot, SC.

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  45. Please.

    How about the woman with marshmallow textured acorns pretending to be breasts? The Matron has worse problems.

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  46. So true about breast size have nothing to do with the ability to nurse a baby! My baby weighed less than one of my breasts! I held her in a "football hold" - she just about disappeared...

    I always hoped these things would make themselves useful, after lugging them around for 35 years, but as it turned out they weren't particularly productive in the milk department. Oh well.

    I love your blog - and an de-lurking to see if we can break your record for number of comments. Good luck!

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  47. Woo hoo, you beat 45 comments!

    I'm so with you on #5. I'm always amazed my kids can manage to breath while trying to nuse on the smooshy mountains that become my breasts.

    Oh, and I do have a pointy bra that I only wear when I haven't a single clean bra in the house. It always makes me laugh when I look in the mirror.

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  48. I am a 32D.
    Do you know what that means?
    They don't sell 32D's.


    Congrats on beating the old record.

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  49. Oh wow. This was funny. This was funny and sad at the same time because this is seriously my life -- it is a problem when your own mother keeps saying "Do you think you should wear that shirt? I don't think it covers..you know...very well."

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  50. Becky in KCMOJune 16, 2008

    I hate it, too. I hate that the pros are so vehement about getting fittings. I've had a dozen of them and I always end up with some cotton bra that stretches out 2 hours after wearing, rides right up my back, and then the girls are staring straight at the floor!! Congrats on beating the record! Next, you should make one on Aunt Flo's visits, and I bet you'll beat your record!

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  51. Oh my Goodness. I feel connected to you in a cosmic kind of way I didn't know possible. I, too, suffer from a rather small frame, with a rather large rack. Swimsuits, dresses, bras, tank tops, lingerie - all HUGE problems for me. Coupled with my 5'2" stature and I look like I am trying to rival Pamela Lee Anderson Whatever She is Now, only without the custom clothing and without TRYING to look like a slut. I am loving reading all these comments for some good bra advice.

    KEEP BELIEVING

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  52. Okay, I've read through all 51 comments (and your hilarity-record-breaking original post, twice), unable to find any advice for eliminating "boob bubble." You know, where you pop out of the top and it looks like you have a double decker stack there under the t-shirt? Going to the next higher size just moves the bubble into the center of the cup, which will invariably dent in at the most crowded point of your day.

    As for me, I don't try on bras. I guess at the size, spend the money, bring them home, discover they don't fit (or, more likely, generate boob bubble) and then donate them to the Salvation Army. Or my 16-year old. Which is the true horror of the situation.

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  53. I always go to a lingerie store and get fitted. Every time. By the little old lady with the freezing cold hands.

    The definitely do NOT make pretty bras in size 34G, no matter what the commercials tell you.

    I just had reduction surgery, so now I have to start the process all over again. Gah.

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  54. I went to JC Penney, found the same bras/same size (I thought) that I had been fitted for several months ago. Tried them on, bought them, even though they are the kind with the seam down the middle and show through almost all of my clothes--whatever, they fit. Got home, took the tags off, and then realized instead of 38DD, I had purchased 38DDD and they fit. Which reminds me, I'm waiting for the free bra I'm supposed to get for buying 2.

    ReplyDelete
  55. I also HATE bra shopping!

    It was never a problem until I got pregnant and my boobs went up 3 sizes!! And even though my youngest is almost 1 they haven't really gone back.

    I keep holding on to all my old bras hoping I don't have to get rid of them but that isn't looking too good these days! And considering I only have 2 bras that I can wear (that are on their last string - litterally) - I REALLY need to go shopping....and I'm dreading every minute of it!

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  56. Wow, 55 comments, you made your goal. But all women, I wonder why? Sure am glad that I don't have to go through any of that. And the headlight stuff? None of us guys mind. Just don't hit so hard next time we stare.

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  57. I bought an expensive bra and had a proper bra fitting for the first time, and I tell you it was worth it. They are so perky, I have black eyes!

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  58. Congratulations on your comment BUSTing post. I fully believe that bra manufacturers do not want you to keep buying the same style. Why? Because you save money by only purchasing the ones you need. You spend much more on the trial and error approach when they change it up.

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  59. Just spent a good week doing the bra shopping thing--hate it!!! Finally shelled out a small fortune for some industrial strength bras and am not quite sure I love them. The agony....

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  60. Lol! This made for a good chuckle.

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  61. AnonymousJune 27, 2008

    Nursing bras are crap! I have nursed two children and am currently breastfeeding my baby. I bought a nursing bra and it worked for about a day. Then it proceeded to CREEP UP in the BACK so that my chi-chis were plummeting in the front. I finally said "To heck with it!" and just bought a normal bra. Slide the soft foam cups over and voila! instant access without irritating hooks or snaps. Plus, they come in much prettier patterns!

    BTW, I am a 40D while nursing and a 38C when not. Finding cute bras is a pain in the butt! Apparently, the manufacturers think that those of us with more up on top like plain,boring beige. Yuck.

    Thanks for the post! HILARIOUS!

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  62. I posted this at Tootsies... then got her link to you(I have bookmarked you)... hoping someone knows where to get the actress bras...

    "Ok, here goes, and trust me...this is not one-up-woman-ship. I'd love to be tiny, I can't even remember the last time I was...top or bottom.

    Anyway... I had a baby in April who died a few hours after birth... after two months of getting the milk to dry... (kinda like a giraffe with a sore throat) I am the same size I was before I got pregnant...36 or 38 FF or G... depending on the builder... yes, builder, when you get up into my range, you have to go to a special shop (Sylene's of Chevy Chase, MD or online is great) or to a good Nordstorm to buy bras.

    The saleswoman is always an A, and asks several times if I am sure... then assures me that I don’t look that large.. Oh, ok, I feel better, nope. I have half a breast under each arm all the time, and when they slip while in bed, it can/ has cause bruises. Jogging is OUT, period.

    Before someone out there... like so many others, write to ask why I don't have a reduction... well, my butt is about even with my top, so then I would be uneven... besides, I still hope to have a child or children, and maybe after nursing... well, a lift on what is left... a girl can hope, can't she?

    I have been searching the internet for a bra I saw in a magazine.. some actress who designed a bra that doesn’t dig into you, and doesn’t show a bra-line across back-fat. Although maybe I am the only girl on here with that issue?

    Anyway, thanks for the laugh... you are a delight, and for the reminder that it is time for me to get some fresh ones too."

    ReplyDelete
  63. Did you look through these comments? There were a couple of good suggestions that I hadn't heard of in there. Do check them out.

    And I am so, so sorry about your little baby. God willing, someday you may get to nurse a little one at your breasts. Don't reduce them yet!

    ReplyDelete
  64. Hi-friggin-LARIOUS!!! My hubby thinks I'm kidding when I tell him how agonizing it is to shop for these contraptions-of-torture... I've lost 120 lbs in the last 18 months, and hate bra shopping as much now as I did before the loss! The problem now is that the girls like to keep my belly button company... I'm considering a reduction, but have some concerns about being able to nurse future children. And to the commenter who mentioned "rolling up" the girls... My grandmother used to do the same thing! She'd say she was rolling 'em up like socks!! Thanks for the hilarity! First time visitor and I'm laughing out loud at my desk at work!

    ReplyDelete
  65. I found you b/c of because I said so.
    I'm a 36DDDD or is it DDDDD
    I hate bra shopping.
    I hate walking by target or victoria secrets and seeing all their tiny bras for tiny people. I was in 8th grade the last time I could fit one of those.

    yes, we deal with the ugly shades of brown, white and tan.

    ONCE I GOT A BRA IN PURPLE!!!!

    Yes, we pay more than our electric bill for a decent bra For me, Nordstroms is the only place i find one that 1) doesn't break
    2)doesn't look too pointy
    3)doesn't look to close to my waist 4)doesn't cover so little that half my shirt jiggles at every move because my "heaving bosoms" might fall out of the bra at any moment.

    I did discover a trick for some of those "special" occasions
    Buys a cute bra in the biggest cup size (usualy d) but in a band 4-6 inches more that you wear. Then you can have a black bra with pink roses and poka dots.

    So that's it from a newer reader, first time commentor. Hope you enjoy the major jump in your blog comments! I haven't hit over 10 yet...now I know to set my sights higher!

    ReplyDelete
  66. Hi Again!! LOVE this post!!

    Thought I would add a few not welcome comments to be heard when doing the dreaded bra shopping experience---

    Uh,... do they actually make a bra in a size "G"?

    I cannot believe that anyone wears a bra that size!

    We only cater to the "average" size bras, the larger ones are generally found in specialty stores.

    I would love to be a size (you fill in the blank -- they think that is actually larger than a C)

    I am sorry dear, we don't carry bras for people who have had enhancements. (Lady- I had CHILDREN-- not enhancements!)

    Your rib cage size measurement HAS to be too small, let's try that again. OOOH -- well we just don't have anything that will hold the girls where you want them.

    Lastly, by my beloved husband --- If you are really serious about having them reduced-- I guess that we can discuss it, but can't you just wear one with underwire once in a while? It can not be THAT uncomfortable.

    I get so frustrated because I am allergic to half the stuff they make them with, cannot wear underwire longer than 3 hours without putting my ribs out of place and am cheap-- spending over $25 on any undergarment is a sin!

    ReplyDelete
  67. I hate bra shopping with a passion!!! After nursing two babies, I was professionally fitted at a 34F and paid $56 for a "t-shirt" bra. Of course, I promptly got pregnant again. Nursing size is about 38 G or H aka the biggest bra I can find at Penney's. When I nursed my fourth baby for the first time, I told him, "I know it's bigger than your head and scary, but that's just how it is at our house." Toward the end of nursing him, I HAD to buy some new nursing bras, and dang it if they didn't get rid of my style (and every size bigger than 36D!!!).... but somehow, I found one that fit and then another one, and bought two of each, even going to the one across town to get it (put that baby on hold-I will be there tomorrow)!!! Figured we would have one more baby, but now we have to since I don't want those new nursing bras to go to waste!!! ;) Thanks for the hilarious post!!!

    ReplyDelete
  68. I didn't read all of the comments, but I thought you should know that 28G does exist.

    Saying such a size is "weird" and "doesn't exist" isn't helpful. It just adds fuel to the fire/belief that any band smaller than a 32 is unfathomable or any cup larger than a D is of porn star proportions. Just not true.

    I'm a 30K and I look like a normal person.

    ReplyDelete
  69. I'm a 34DD and I wear Wacoal Full Figure Halo. Not the prettiest, but they're not grandma-style either, and they sure do fit nicely! Pricey but worth it. I am a small woman except for my bust, and unless I can wrangle it properly, I end up looking fat... now that I'm wearing the right bra I feel and look much better. :)

    ReplyDelete

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