In Which I Learn Surgery Is A Real Thing

 I kept meaning to pop in to drop a quick line saying I was okay after surgery, but every time I thought about sitting up and typing at the computer, I got tired, so here we are, 9 days later.

 I'M OKAY

I guess I was just making this erroneous assumption that laparoscopic surgery wasn't "real" surgery and that I'd be bouncing around like normal by Day 4 post-op. In retrospect, this was really dumb. I think this is the first day that my core muscles feel as though they might be working properly again, and I have no idea why they were knocked out, since, well, it was LAPAROSCOPIC SURGERY and no one was slicing through all the muscles to get to the stuff they were taking out.

I just don't get it.

Vandals yarn bombed my home while I was in surgery

Anywhoo, I'm feeling somewhat normal now and a friend is coming by to take me for a very short real walk, now that I don't feel as though my stomach is falling out when I stand up, so that's good.

And everyone brought us food, which was really nice, because apparently anesthesia does a number on your brain and there's no way I would have told myself to eat without someone putting a plate of food right in front of me. Also, I kept repeating myself (FOR DAYS), to the point where my family would get worried looks on their faces while I was speaking.

Which isn't really fair, how am I supposed to remember what I said to whom? There were a bunch of people around and have I mentioned I had just had surgery?

Like, yarn bombed  A LOT

The surgery itself was great, because they knocked me out before they even started rolling me out of pre-op and I had no idea and that's the way I like it, for sure. I did spend the next 3 or 4 days completely freaked out by the whole concept of surgery, though. I mean, it's weird, right?

I'M OKAY BUT FREAKED OUT

And, ha-ha, there's another surgery coming up. Yay. It's fine. Really.

Oh, and all the biopsies (because apparently they do those if your BRCA2 is mutated) came back clear/negative/however you say it. I feel very lucky.

I'M OKAY BUT FREAKED OUT BUT GRATEFUL

Also grateful for knitting friends who like to let me know they're thinking about me

And that's all I've got right now, because the brain is still somewhat addled and I still get a little tired sitting up, because apparently that is all core strength and who knew? Not me, that's for sure; apparently, I've got a lot to learn.

Surgery Eve, Yay

Happy Surgery Eve! When next we meet, I will be missing a few body parts, but I wasn't using any of them anymore anyway, so there's that. I'm terrified, never having had surgery before, but I hear I'm unconscious during all this, so if I can just get to the point where they knock me out, things should be okay. 

A bit of catch-up:

 If any of you believe the adage "You can't go home again," I'm here to tell you that you are obviously NOT an aging Jew who is currently enjoying copious amounts of TempTee cream cheese slathered on matzoh.

Direct ticket to childhood, I swear

In other news, Theo and his wife (does she have a name yet here? WHY NOT?) were between apartments for a couple of weeks in March, so they stayed with us, which was delightful, but I still decided I needed a weekend off during all that (people are more likely to step up with the cooking efforts when I'm not here acting martyred), so I hopped into a car with 2 friends who were road tripping down to the Carolina FiberFest.

Because we knitters be crazy like that, I tell ya...

What with all the knitting I had gotten done during my stressful January and February, I decided I could justify buying new yarn. A lot of new yarn. SO MUCH new yarn. This was, of course, a lie, because there was plenty of yarn waiting for me at home, but hey, when in Rome (or, in this case, Raleigh)...

In my defense, I have plans for ALL of this

I won a door prize (that skein in front) and also another door prize (the black apron in the back). Apparently, my year of being lucky continues. For the knitters among you, from left to right, this yarn is going to become a Depth Cowl, a Bennet Sister Shawl (my planned post-op knitting), a birthday present (sshhh...), and another Pure Joy scarf, like the one I knit last month, only in blue.

See? Plans.

I enjoyed my own hotel room for 2 nights; I also enjoyed not worrying about what anyone (including myself) was going to eat, for 3 entire days. And I don't think anyone at home missed me one bit, which is good but which also made me feel a tad miffed.

I'm a complicated person, I guess. Or just plain fickle. "Complicated" sounds more interesting, though, doesn't it?

Spring did its thing in March:

Cherry trees showing off, as is their wont

But then the weather got really cold, so it was spring and winter at the same time, which was quite confusing. 

Huh, I'm talking about the weather, which means it's probably time for me to sign off. Maybe go eat some more cream cheese on matzoh, I dunno...

Holding Pattern

 Hi! Still here, still alive, still completely intact - apparently, it takes longer than I thought to schedule surgery dates, etc. The first surgery (ovaries/tubes/uterus) won't take place until 17 April, and I swear, if I had know it would be that long, I wouldn't have posted so early about it! Now I just feel like a drama queen, oooh, everyone, look at me!

So, uh, sorry about that.

Spring happened, though, there's that

In the meantime, we've been busy here. For Valentine's Day, Larry and I went on a date to the plastic surgeon, where we were treated to WAY too much detail about reconstructive breast surgery. I went home overwhelmed by the choices and was up with anxiety half the night. And here, my friends, is where female solidarity comes into play: Did you know that apparently it is a thing for post-mastectomy/reconstruction women to immediately volunteer to show you their boobs if you are facing the same situation? It's sort of like men showing off a new car.

So I've seen real-life fake boobs and they look completely normal and NOTHING like the pictures the doctor was pulling up from the web during our consultation. At which point I calmed down and gave the go-ahead on the whole shebang (no idea where that word came from, but it's staying), and now I'm due to have that done on 15 June. My post-op appointment is on the 21st, which is not exactly how I had planned to spend my 60th birthday, but life is weird like that.

What's also weird is that crocheted bags keep showing up randomly
all over the house, as Susie is obsessed with her new hobby

So this whole thing has been a lot of hurry up and wait, which isn't fun, but yay, there is always knitting to do and also job applications, the filling out of which has become a new hobby of mine, apparently. I was laid off almost 3 YEARS AGO, and yeah, I'll admit that at first I enjoyed the break and the luxury of having all that time to do whatever I wanted, especially since I still had a houseful of COVID refugees. But my brain is screaming for something to do (something PAID), and not even the part-time Container Store job -- fun as it is -- can cure that.

Folks, I can't believe how many jobs I can be rejected from. It's staggering. Demoralizing, even. And I've learned that there are many, many wrong things you can say to a person who has been looking for a job for a while, because I have heard all of them. For your edification:

"That's weird - there's such low unemployment right now" translates to Wow, you ARE a loser!

"Have you tried looking online? There's lots of job sites" sounds like You're a loser AND you are stupid!

"You should apply to these!" while pointing to several job postings I am in no way qualified for/interested in becomes You're a stupid loser who isn't trying hard enough!

It's been fun, is what I'm saying. Also, don't give advice to job seekers unless you have an actual job to give to them. Thanks, good chat!

I did accomplish one thing the past few months, and that is this:

The surroundings look dreary because February is mud month here, fun

New equipment for our neighborhood tot lot -- the procurement of which fell to me even though I did the same job very badly way back in 2005 -- finally arrived! It looks great and only took me...let's see (checks calendar)...11 MONTHS. 

Folks, this task was so stressful that I considered more than once the option of selling my beloved home and moving to a different town, just to get out from under it. But now, whenever I step out my door, I gaze upon this marvel and take a few satisfied breaths while I try to forget about all the other neighborhood HOA balls I am currently dropping.

Of course, there's also been knitting: a slow pair of socks, plus a pink version of Joji Locatelli's Pure Joy shawl:

Pink is my February color. My new sneakers? Blindingly pink

It felt very satisfying to finish this and wear it nonstop for a week, but you know what would also feel satisfying? A JOB.

The End