Pee Me A River

 It's no secret here that I have been pregnant 6 times.  And sometime during every one of those pregnancies, I would end up with a killer cold that left me with a hacking, never-ending cough.  And, what with all the pressure on my bladder, coughing meant peeing in my pants.  Every. Single. Time.

I hated that.

I remember trying to take a walk - hacking away like a TB patient, I would have to stop and lean on lamp posts, with my legs crossed, all in an effort to keep from wetting my pants.  I had to wear maxi-pads, just in case, which seemed terribly unfair, as one of the benefits of pregnancy is that you aren't menstruating and therefore shouldn't have to wear those things for 9 months.  But I comforted myself with the thought that, once I was done having babies, I would no longer have to wear any sort of ANYTHING in my underwear.  I could actually be a normal human being again.

That look on her face?  Leakage...

 But, um, 6 babies, people.  I emerged from the baby years with the realization that there would always be a little leakage when I coughed or sneezed.  It's called LBL (light bladder leakage) by the industry.  That's what I am now - a menopausal LBL sufferer.  Sexy!

So I took to wearing some typical light days pads every day.  Problem was, I had to worry about them.  Change them if I sneezed without crossing my legs.  Check them to make sure they weren't at capacity.  And I dreaded the day I might have to switch to the dreaded maxi pads again.

Happily, that won't happen.  I won't have to start wearing a maxi pad that isn't really designed for the job of preventing public embarrassment, because Poise (which, yes, is sponsoring this post, but I actually use their product, even when they DON'T send me a free sample) has pads specifically made to accommodate light bladder leakage...

Light bladder leakage is industry-speak for PEE, I believe.  I just wanted to lay that out there.

Where was I?  Oh, yes...menstrual pads, you see, don’t absorb as quickly, so you’re more likely to leak.   And believe me, nothing says not ready for prime time quite so loudly as pee running down your leg at the new job you've managed to procure after 20 years at home raising the kids. 

In addition, the Poise pads trap odor.  Because, really, as a 50-year-old woman, the last thing I need -- in addition to my sagging jawline and my tendency to say, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" -- is to go around smelling like a bus station restroom.   I mean, it's bad enough that my advancing senility requires me to apply deodorant several times each morning because I can't remember if I've done it already - I don't need to be worrying about other odors, also.

Tell me that's not just me with the deodorant thing.  Please.

And, glory hallelujah - these pads are unscented.  There are no obnoxious migraine-inducing perfumes that only serve to mask smells, since these pads actually absorb the odor.  And they come in different thicknesses - let me just brag a little here by saying that I am still using the ultra light absorbency size.  That means I've got 4 more levels of absorbency I can use before I am forced to shop in the adult diaper aisle.  What can I say?  It gives me hope.

So, yeah, while I would totally prefer not to have to wear ANYTHING, I'm glad there is a pad specifically designed for this problem -- that is, designed to trap leakage and neutralize odor.  Now if Poise would only invent some sort of tampon-like device for the urethra, I might even be able to stop peeing in the pool, too.

Get workin' on that, fellas, will ya?


Now, if any of you are dealing with the same issue, I advise you to make the Clean & Fresh switch by getting a free sample or coupon for Poise pads and liners.  And here is where you can read more about these products, without having to listen to my ramblings about my menopausal senility and its impact on my personal hygiene habits.

In addition, I am authorized to give away a $100 Visa gift card to one lucky commenter.  Simply leave a comment telling all of us  telling all of us one post-childbearing/menopausal development that you did not expect.

Sweepstakes Question (prize is a $100 Visa gift card):   What physical change surprised you when your childbearing years were over?

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