Do Not Ask For Whom the Ball Drops

I would like to hear a round of applause for my husband, who has indeed finished painting the main living area of our house in time for our party on New Year's Day. As predicted, we are hanging up those curtains with the paint barely dry; but they will be up! And Larry has piled on even more marriage points. He's winning, folks!

After Larry put away all the painting paraphernalia (sp?), we spent some not-so-quality time hanging up all the pictures that have been lying around since we moved. I do not recommend this stressful exercise in togetherness unless either your marriage is solid as a rock or you and your spouse are both far too broke to even consider splitting up. By the time we were finished, Larry was drinking and I had to go to a neighbor's house to calm down.

This evening we went to our first ever New Year's Eve party. The whole family was invited, so we figured, hey, why not? That way Larry and I could spend the afternoon fighting over interior decorating instead of cooking dinner. We had to leave the party by 9:30, before any kids started crying; but unfortunately after some poor unfortunate asked us, "Do you both work?" and I immediately replied, "Yes - I work my butt off at home, and Larry works to bring in the money." You know that phrase shocked silence? I experienced it tonight. It's quite loud.

So, perhaps my response was a tad too snarky. After all, the question may actually have been a sort of compliment - maybe I looked professional, all dressed up as I was. Usually people don't even ask; they assume I'm a stay-at-home frump. I ran my theory by Larry, but he was pretending not to know me at that point. You'd think I'd embarrassed him or something. But that's okay - he embarrasses me all the time. I was just getting even.

Well, time to turn in so that I can get up bright and bushy-tailed - I need energy to yell at the kids all morning while I get ready for our party. Larry is a bit miffed that we have absolutely no idea how many people are showing up (a little, um, mistake on my part); so we need to prepare for the worst-case scenario. And I have to find the New Year's paper party goods I bought on sale in January 2006. They're around here somewhere.

And The Croup Goes On...

Anna has the disease we've all been passing around. Anna can be very dramatic when she is ill, clutching her throat, moaning, languishing all over my new, flowery, overstuffed armchair. We should have thought to buy her one of those Ektorp fainting couches while we were at IKEA.

That leaves only Larry and Brian untouched by this plague. We assume Larry will get it while he is chaperoning the homeschoolers' ski trip later this week. At which point he will understand just how much I suffered. Not that I am wishing it on him, or anything.

Meanwhile, as long as he is healthy, Larry has been painting like one possessed. It may be because today I handed out invitations to our 45 neighbors for a little party at our house on New Year's Day. He works well when properly motivated.

Unfortunately, I don't know how to throw a party that doesn't involve birthday candles and goody bags. I'm not quite sure how I am going to pull this off. It was challenging enough to print out the invitations.

This place is trashed, in a Christmas-y sort of way. Gaudy crap everywhere, opened presents strewn all over the floor, broken bits of candy cane wherever you turn....and it doesn't help that half our furniture is displaced by the painting-in-progress. Oh, and the hall closet door that we fixed last month? The kids managed to rip it off its track again. Why bother replacing it? I'll just prop a piece of plywood in front of our incredibly messy closet and paint it white.

You know, if there were a reality show that had families of kids competing to see who could wreck a house fastest, I think we'd have a good chance of making it to the finals.

I hear Anna moaning again. I better go check.

Cocktails and Witchcraft

I just saw a promo photo for Charlie Wilson's War and all I can say is, what happened to Tom Hanks? Does he really look that way now, or is it just make-up? Granted, I'm a bit behind on movies and my reference point for Tom is about 20 years ago (I'm thinking Volunteers or Big); but still.....

This evening Larry and I actually got to act the way I thought all grown-ups acted, back when I was a kid - we went out to a cocktail party. I got dressed up and everything. There were lots of other grown-ups there, so I did my best to sound intelligent and talk about something other than housework or laundry; but once I ended up in a room with a bunch of other home school moms, our conversation veered to comparing math programs and chemistry textbooks more quickly than you can say "curricula obsession." It's an occupational hazard.

We also spent a disproportionate amount of time talking about Santa. Don't ask me why. I got bored at that point and decided to hang out by the dessert table.

We left the kids watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. It was Susie's first time, but apparently she wasn't traumatized by the Abominable Snow Monster. When I was a kid, I was terrified of that thing. I was very impressionable, I guess. Or stupid.

Theo had a brush with the occult today at work. A woman came up to the register with a stack of books, all bearing titles such as Wicca and Witchcraft for Dummies and Mind Control: The Ancient Art of Psychological Warfare and Necromancy Made Easy. When Theo inquired after the nature of her reading material, she claimed that her husband never listens to her and she was going to fix that. Because the books were cheaper than a divorce.

Hell indeed hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Well, it is almost midnight. God rest ye, merry gentlemen and ladies all!

Sick and Tired

So, I missed posting yesterday. Sue me. Susie developed croup yesterday evening and blew all my finely laid plans to heck. Now I'm sitting here after a lousy night's sleep with a non-functioning brain, wondering how to pick up the pieces. Of my day, that is, not my brain - the brain's a total loss.

Let's see - it might help if I'd get dressed. And there was the Christmas party for our home school group that I am supposed to bring some food to. And I was supposed to bake cranberry bread for my husband's office party (you know, the party that spouses aren't invited to, but we are free to contribute baked goods and other yummy comestibles) (the hell with them).....

I could just blow everything off and lie on the couch all day (my favorite option), but Brian and Rachel are supposed to be in some little skit about St. Francis at the party (the home school party, not the office one). I think. The skit wasn't my idea. One of the other, more ambitious, moms dreamed it up. I'm hating her right now. If it weren't for the stupid skit, I could blow the whole thing off.

I hope I don't catch whatever Susie has. I am not a patient sufferer. I tend to languish - loudly. As in whine and complain. While the house falls apart around my ears. I can't wait until I am older (and, more to the point, the kids are older) and I can be sick for a day without utter chaos taking over my life. I'll be able to sit in an armchair by the fire, sipping hot tea and catching up on my reading (I mean, People comes out every single week, I can't keep up), rather than trying to referee sibling disagreements from the couch in the trashed living room and praying that no one shows up at our front door to witness just how bad our home life can become.

Speaking of which, I'd really better shower and dress. I'm just asking for trouble sitting at the computer in my pajamas at 8 in the morning. Then, I'll go back to bed. If you make your bed first, it doesn't count as being lazy, right?