Oh, To Be In England...

My friend Carol, never one to take things lying down, left a lengthy comment after I accused her and her beloved of being, shall we say, a bit challenged in finding an obvious landmark where she has lived for at least 15 years. She began with a nod to Candice, the one commenter who had confessed to her own difficulties in this area:

Thank you, Candice, for your support. Before I address Suburban Correspondent's unprovoked attack, I must agree with her about the garlic sauce. Unbelievable. It was a masterly melding of the garlic and yogurt into a beautiful marriage of flavors -- not a marriage of convenience, mind you, but of unbridled passion -- juxtaposed with a whipped texture that filled the condiment cup like delightful, garlicky giggles. Oh, that the flavor could linger as long as the memories.

As for the mall: we found the mall. We just couldn't find the restaurant. The fact that we made it at all is a testament to Human Will. And we more than made up for our tardiness with our sparkling conversation.

I must attest to the truth of her last statement, which would be obvious to anyone reading her comment. Whereas the great majority of us wield the English language as a blunt axe, chopping out random phrases in an attempt to communicate a faint semblance of what we are thinking or feeling, Carol uses words as an accomplished surgeon might use his favorite scalpel. And often the results can be just as cutting. "I would have hated you in high school," she told me at dinner. "You were one of those short girls."

"Are you sure she's your friend?" Larry asked me later.

Who cares? I'm a fool for anyone with a finely-turned phrase. "Masterly melding...unbridled passion...garlicky giggles..." indeed!

The world is all the poorer for this woman's not having a blog. Alas, she steadfastly refuses to keep one; she maintains that she has nothing to say. [None of us do, Carol; but does that stop us? I think not.] She belongs, I believe, to a different era, perhaps to a Jane Austen novel, where heroines drop archly witty bon mots whilst admiring suitors look on. She's Elizabeth Bennett, if you will, but with a Kindle instead of a spinet.



And, Carol? In high school, I was violently jealous of you long-legged coltish creatures who intimidated the boys by (literally) looking down at them and who weren't pulled off-balance by an over-endowment in the chest area. Oh, that I could have sailed through my teen years with age-appropriate clothes from the (too-large) juniors sizes and the assurance that no one (including those mean boys) would even think of calling me Punky Brewster...


The grass, my dear, is always greener...





[Photo credit: A Belle Abroad]
[Photo credit: Sweet Girl Sugar]

I Heart Science

Sometimes there are scientific findings that restore my faith in the essential rightness of the universe. This one, for example...

Can you believe it? Eating a dose of chocolate every single day can lower my risk of heart attack and stroke. Sure, the article says that a mere quarter of an ounce is necessary to produce these health benefits; but if chocolate the size of a little foil-wrapped Easter egg is good for me, wouldn't an entire bag of those eggs be even better?

I'm on it.

[photo courtesy of About.com]

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And for those of you parents who agonize over the benefits/disadvantages of video games, here is a scintillating discussion (courtesy of The Onion) on whether violent video games are adequately preparing kids for the post-Apocalyptic world.



Make sure to check out the comment section. Apparently there are people out there who do not understand satire.

With Friends Like This...

In the comments yesterday, my friend Carol took me to task for not giving you more details of our dinner out together. For some reason she wants me to share how I completely lost control of myself while sampling the garlicky yogurt dip that came with the shish kebab. Maybe she didn't like watching me lick the bowl...

In my defense, the yogurt was not merely garlicky, it had become one with the garlic. It was a religious experience, I tell you.

I won't even mention here that Carol and her husband arrived at the restaurant late, even though they used both MapQuest and GPS to guide them. You know how hard it is to find a prominent indoor mall...it just blends into the background...

(She doesn't even have a blog of her own to defend herself on. Guest post, Carol?)

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If the spirit so moves you, head on over to Suburban Matron and drop an encouraging note. She has her mastectomy tomorrow (Tuesday). She's being a lot braver about this than I would ever be.

Twitter, Explained - And IKEA - 2 Posts In 1!

Congratulations, Bloggess! Thanks to your post, I finally get the appeal of Twitter. For those of you unaware of the Zombie Apocalypse, I suggest you click on that link now. Who knew that getting your brains eaten by the undead could be so amusing?

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Larry and I went out to dinner tonight with 2 other couples. We all left our children (15 total) to fend for themselves. I highly recommend this activity to other long-suffering parents. Just first make sure your fire insurance is up-to-date...

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I set a new low-purchase record at IKEA today - 5 dollars (not counting the bags of frozen meatballs, of course). And I saved Larry an additional 1500 dollars by not bringing home the bedroom furniture I was eyeing. But please! Do not give me any credit for thrift - the longed-for bed frame and dressers were just too heavy to load into the cart by myself.

When I told Larry about my foiled expenditure, he paled visibly, a reaction which speaks to his incredibly charming naivete. I mean, after all these years, he should realize how close to the financial abyss he treads by letting me loose like that. Particularly right after I do our taxes...

Because, yes! We can! We can get our taxes done before April 15th! Usually I have them done by mid-February; but this year? I have dubbed this year the Year of Procrastinating Dangerously. If I can shop for all my Christmas presents after December 20th, I can certainly wait until late March to mess with those IRS forms. What could be next? Perhaps delaying until the last minute to find jelly beans? Looks like I'm right on track for that...

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What does one buy for 5 dollars at IKEA, you wonder? Why, a set of red measuring cups, to replace the set cobbled together from 3 different purchases over the past decade. Sometimes I just want things to match and look pretty, you know? Things like bedroom furniture, say...

Poor Larry. Wives...we'll spend whatever you make...

A Word To The Wise

I have no idea why someone Googling "easter cupcake ideas" would land on my blog....I mean, unless there are those among us that feel that a volcano cake is appropriate for our spring festivities...

And in the News You Can Use category, this article tells us that

Up to a third of breast cancer cases in Western countries could be avoided if women ate less and exercised more, researchers at a conference said Thursday, renewing a sensitive debate about how lifestyle factors affect the disease.

So, if y'all excuse me, I think I'll put this box of Girl Scout cookies away and get off my computer-sitting rear end for a bit...

Enjoy your weekend!