Teenager Management

It's been a little quiet on the mouse front around here, hasn't it? That's because mice don't make a lot of noise when they are silently decomposing in the cabinet under one's kitchen sink. And, considering my housekeeping habits, does it come as a surprise that it took a while for the smell to tip me off? I thought the foul odor was coming from some rotting potatoes under the sink, actually. Of course Mickey made sure not to pass on before taking a dump in my silverware drawer, just like his predecessors.

I hope none of you try to eat while you're blogging. Or if you do, rinse your silverware first, all right?

For those of you interested in the progress of the felting project, let's just say that I learned last night the importance of keeping the ball bands (you know, the things which list the fiber content of the yarn) with your skeins. That way you don't waste an hour or so knitting up a project to be felted, only to discover that half of it felts and half doesn't.

But as hope springs eternal, I am starting over...quitters don't knit, you know. Or is it, knitters don't win?

Never mind.

Yesterday, in case you didn't realize it, was Saturday. I don't know what free, unattached, carefree people do on Saturdays, but here's what I did (try not to be jealous, all you swinging singles):

cleaned my bathroom;

bothered Anna by speaking to her more than once;

hid in my bedroom and knit;

and neglected to entertain Uncle Matt, who is visiting for a few days. Despite the neglect, he took us out to dinner anyway. Nice guy.

Very nice guy, actually - he also took Anna to Kohl's and treated her to a little shopping spree. Ah, the way to a teenage girl's heart...

Speaking of which, I've jotted down a little list that popped into my head as Anna was glaring at me today (2 lists, actually; she glared at me a lot):

How To Annoy Teenagers

1. Speak to them
   
2. Smile at them
3. Interact with them in any way, shape, or form
4. Breathe near them (really, it works - try it!)
   
5. Tell them you know how they feel (important safety note: be ready to take cover after implementing this technique)
   

But, really, why annoy your adolescents when instead you can learn...

How To Ingratiate Oneself With A Teenager

1. Pretend you do not exist. But do not pretend the teen does not exist; this approach is generally taken as a personal affront. Actually, almost anything you do can be taken as a personal affront, so you're sort of screwed, aren't you?
2. Pretend the world revolves around your teen. Inquire solicitously after his/her current wants (perceived by teen as needs); commiserate over the fact that he/she must live the life of a peasant.
3. Buy your teen things. But only the items they designate as worthy of purchase. Take out loans if you have to.
   
4. Reassure said teen that, as an adult, he/she will never be expected to do anything that he/she does not want to do. Only losers live like that. Losers like...hey! the parents of teenagers.
   
5. Remind teen that he/she was probably switched at birth and grew up in the wrong family. This thought comforts adolescents immensely.