Larry came home from a week-long business trip today bearing gifts. Not having recovered from the sardine incident in April, I was a tad leery of what he would bring me. True to form, he pulled out of his suitcase a box of chocolates sha
ped and wrapped to look like 6 Swiss Army knives. (Undoubtedly an improvement over dead fish, but still...) Apparently, my giving away the chocolate sardines to the loser at Bunko last month had not sent him the right message."Ha, ha!" I said, trying to be a good sport. "Funny! So, uh, did you get anything else?" Larry handed me a square, thin black envelope that contained a thin slab of chocolate. Really, it looked like chocolate rations you'd hand out in a POW camp. Something in me snapped.
"Look," I said. "I'm a girl. You're supposed to bring me things that are pretty."
"I thought you liked chocolate," he said.
"Yes! But pretty chocolates. Men are supposed to bring girls pretty things. After 20 years, you don't get that?"
Larry, flustered and confused, rummaged in his suitcase some more and pulled out a plastic container filled with a variety of little chocolates in different colored wrappers.
"Okay!" I said. "You're getting the idea!"
Just then Susie came upstairs. "Daddy!" she said. "You're home!"
"Hi, honey! Look what Daddy brought you!" said Larry, holding up the T-shirt he'd picked out for her. Susie burst into tears (I know that is a cliche, but really - that's what she does).
"I don't like that! It's ugly!" she cried.
That apple didn't fall far from the tree, now did it?
After a week away from home I'd consider babysitting (so to speak) the perfect gift!
ReplyDeleteOh. absolutely. Classic you.
ReplyDeleteHilarious.
Larry should just stop bringing home gifts. It ain't worth it!
ReplyDelete(I personally think the chocolate knives are pretty cool! But being allergic to chocolate, I wouldn't appreciate anything chocolate from him.)
Great story, but listen here, girlie. YOUR HUSBAND BROUGHT YOU CHOCOLATE! Do you get how HUGE that is? I'm not certain, but I don't think my husband has EVER bought me chocolate.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I've done the bursting into tears thing before....in the early years of our marriage, quite regularly, in fact.
Those chocolate knives are wicked cool! Send them this way if you don't want them. But make sure they're gluten-free first, 'kay?
ReplyDeleteIt depends upon the country Husband has traveled to. He brought me something pretty (several somethings, actually) from Italy, and something pretty (plus the t-shirt I asked for, although it's a little small, the lech) from Australia, but from Belgium, he brought me chocolate. Because duh, it's Belgium.
Was it at least GOOD chocolate?
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. This made me laugh and laugh and laugh! Very funny :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband doesn't bring me anything when he returns from business. Ever. Sniff. Although sardines? Wow.
ReplyDeleteThey're just dumb. The End.
ReplyDeleteAll I can think when I see that picture is to wonder if the chocolates caused any concern going through security?
ReplyDeleteMy husband never brings anything home from his travels, except himself and his dirty laundry.
Between you and Suzie, you'll get him trained properly.
ReplyDeleteMy husband brought back a giant coffee mug--he was in Arizona. The mug was painted with "native pictures" and made in China. *sigh*
If it ever occurs to my husband to bring anything it is something much more stupid than oddly wrapped chocolate. And if there was ever a whif of dissatisfaction with said wierd gift, there would never, ever be another one.
ReplyDelete