Secret Agent Man

It's taken me 2 full days to recover from my adventure at the Obama "grassroots event" on Thursday.  Having had no idea what to expect, I ended up dehydrated, exhausted, and generally useless all day Friday.  Herewith is my hard-won knowledge on how to survive a campaign rally:

1. Bring water.  Lots of water.  Enough to pour on your head repeatedly as you wait in the 95-degree heat for the shuttle bus that will take you to the rally location.

2. You know those 2 sets of crutches in your utility room, left over from various kid accidents?  Bring them along - they can dramatically shorten your wait time for the above-mentioned shuttle bus.  (No, I didn't - but I wish I had.)

3. Bring more water, enough to pour down your back repeatedly as you wait in the 95-degree heat for another hour in order to go through the security line.  Chat with fellow waitees and try not to think about how politics makes for strange bedfellows.  Very strange bedfellows...

4. While waiting, resist the urge to loudly espouse a political stance contrary to that held by all the other people in line.  This can be fun, but dangerous.

5. Once inside the rally area, grab a place by the railings that were set up to pen you in.  You can stand on them to get a better view (that is, whenever Miss Nazi Campaign Organizer isn't around to tell you to GET OFF THE RAILINGS).
 

Just add a pair of shades and a slightly disheveled look

6. While away the next hour and a half before the speaker arrives by checking out that Secret Service agent assigned to your sector. Make sure to marvel at how he is a dead ringer for Robert De Niro (the sexy, middle-aged version).


7. Argue with teen son over who exactly forgot the camera.  Don't admit you are extra pissed off because you want a picture of Raging Bull over there.

8. Have I mentioned how devastatingly sexy the Secret Service guy was?  Oh, yes, I guess I have.  Moving on, then...

9. While waiting another hour to get a ride back on the shuttle bus, try not to think about how much the babysitter is costing you.  After all, can you really put a price on free speech and participation in the political process?

10. 40 dollars, actually - and a lot of bottled water...


[Crutches image: bhulbhulaiyan]