Self-Hating, Interfering, And Unrealistic

[Check out the first comment below. Michaela has generously offered the use of her continent to ease Israeli-Palestinian tensions. Those Australians are so friendly!]

Sorry, folks - but there are a few issues to clear up. I received a number of comments on the Israel post the other day (some of which were too rude to publish in the comments section) - the gist of them being that

• I'm a self-hating Jew (predicted that one!)
• As an American Jew, what Israel does is none of my business.
  
• I'm an unrealistic peacenik who essentially wants to stick daisies in gun barrels and scrawl peace signs on Katyusha rockets.

I would like to agree that Israel's actions are none of my business, but it isn't true. When American Jews see our gov't making poor policy decisions based on its friendship with Israel, decisions that jeopardize our relations with other important allies, we need to speak up. When we see Israel committing (or, at best, allowing) humanitarian crimes in the name of Jewish security, we have a responsibility to say something. Also, Israel's actions are only serving to increase anti-Semitism around the world.

(and, yes, I am aware that there are people who would be anti-Semitic anyway - I'm not dumb, I don't need to see the vile videos that extremists post on YouTube, thanks very much)

Finally, as I stated in my previous post, the memories of my ancestors who died in the Holocaust are being desecrated when Israeli Jews, using the Holocaust as an excuse, treat Palestinians as less than human.

There is a lot of dissent within Israel itself on Israeli government policy towards the Palestinians in the West Bank and in Gaza. So we American Jews aren't just being naive about the situation "on the ground" when we voice our disapproval over blockades, or invasions, or whatever. We are not alone in observing that Israel is in a reactive mode as far as its foreign policy is concerned. [Essentially, if HAMAS does this, then Israel does that. Oh, and Israel builds a wall to keep people out. If that isn't an admission of failure, I don't know what is.] I would go so far as to say that Israel's only long-term policy is to keep building in the West Bank and finally push the Palestinians out. I think Israelis deserve leaders that can come up with something better than that. Many Israelis feel that way, also.

I am not saying that if Israel changes its behavior, the terrorists will stop attacking (as one commenter implied). I am saying that Israel's current approach is not working and is even counter-productive. Keeping Palestinian populations impoverished and ripe for terrorist recruitment; building new settlements in disputed areas while negotiations on the fate of those areas are ongoing; attacking (not just boarding, but attacking) ships that belong to an ally of yours - these sort of actions are NOT HELPING end the cycle of violence. As one of my commenters pointed out, "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity." The Israeli/Palestinian situation has become officially insane.

If you think about it, both the Israeli gov't and HAMAS benefit from having a downtrodden, impoverished Gazan population. HAMAS can point to it and say, "Look how awful Israel is!" And Israel can point to it and say, "Look at how HAMAS convinces these people to be terrorists! We can't possibly make a deal with them." Until someone in power is willing to stop this game, it will continue. And people on both sides will suffer.

Israel's actions over the past 40 years have helped the extremists to win, both in its own gov't and in the Palestinian one(s). Israelis need to elect people who can act with an eye to the future, not to the past; people who accept that the Palestinians are not going to go away; people who understand that the fates of these 2 peoples are irrevocably intertwined. A wall is not the answer. Military force is not policy. And have no doubt, the problem here is policy.

Israelis need a leader with a real vision for the future. I sure hope you get one. We finally did.


[That last link up there is a good one, by Queen Rania of Jordan, a long-time ally of Israel.]

Israel: WTF?

I know I come across as only being interested in the inconsequential, but I've actually been spending all my spare time following the flotilla crisis. No kids, no vomit, no mice - just 40 years of poor domestic policy on the part of the Israelis and at least a decade of lousy foreign policy on our part, all coming home to roost in a situation where a good ally of ours (Turkey) is rightly furious, another ally of ours (Israel) is manipulating evidence, and the White House is dithering. Oh, and nine people are dead. And journalists' photos and tapes are confiscated.

[That link up there, and the articles and blogs it links to, are really informative. Much better than this stuff I'm spouting here...]

My generation of American Jews was brainwashed to believe that criticism of Israeli policies is de facto anti-Semitic. Any Jew who dared question Israeli conduct in the West Bank, or Gaza, or anywhere else in the world was labeled "self-hating." It was an effective way to silence dissent.

But what we need to realize is that any actions that desecrate the sacred memory of our slaughtered Jewish ancestors are what is really anti-Semitic. And the Israeli actions against oppressed populations? Definitely fall into that category.

The reflexive defense of Israel by American Jews (on the Right and the Left) is examined by Glenn Greenwald here, who is right on the mark. The Jews of my generation were inculcated from a young age with warnings of Israel's vulnerability. I remember my 5th-grade teacher saying, "The Palestinians? They are terrorists. All of them. The women, the children - they are all terrorists."

It's hard to blame her - she and the other teachers were traumatized survivors of the Holocaust, witnesses to the War for Independence (1948) and the 6-Day War (1967).... in their minds, Israel was still the threatened new nation in which so many Holocaust survivors had found refuge. But our parents' reality is not ours. For most of our lifetimes, Israel has been an occupying force in the Palestinian territories (its presence in the West Bank I have already discussed here); it fields a formidable, well-equipped army and even has nuclear weapons (shh, it's a secret). To continue to claim that it is vulnerable to a few Katyusha rockets is ridiculous. To believe that they must invade a neighboring country with overwhelming force in order to secure its borders is absurd. Does Turkey invade Kurdish Iraq, slaughtering over a thousand people and destroying a large portion of the civil infrastructure, when terrorists sneak over its borders?

Really, what do such actions do but produce even more instability in an already unstable situation? Israel says it is fighting terrorism - but it is actually producing more terrorists.

It behooves American Jews to speak up on this topic. Israel is not always right. Israel is faced with a marginalized, oppressed Palestinian population that is the result of 40 years of poor policy choices on the part of the Israeli government. No amount of military might will make that go away. It's time for Israel to admit its mistakes and find a new way forward, a way of cooperation and peace. It is a strong enough nation to do so now. It just doesn't seem to realize that.

[Addendum: Check out these eyewitness accounts, if you are still buying the sanitized video put out by the Israeli government. I really think that official video is what bothers me the most. It is a deliberately constructed lie.]

Free The Hostages!

[Edited to add: Yay! I fixed the comments! My apologies to all of you who have tried unsuccessfully to comment since last night. Please try again.]


I am prolife.
I am a veteran.
I am a homeschooler.

And I am voting for Barack Obama.

In other words, hardly any of my friends are talking to me right now, save for last-ditch attempts to make me see reason. But I'm listening to other people right now. General Colin Powell, for instance; and The Economist. So, if you want to know why I am voting for a babykilling alleged socialist, please click on those 2 links. They say it much better than I can. (If you are too busy to click on both, read the second one.)

I am also listening to my heart, a heart sick of politicians capitalizing on the blue/red divide in this great country of ours. I'm purple, folks; solid purple. There are many others out there like me, and it is time that we make our voices heard. We want someone who, after winning a close presidential race, will not stand up there and say that he has a mandate (I'm looking at you, President George W. Bush). We want someone who will acknowledge that almost half the people didn't vote for him and who will pledge to seek compromise on the issues near and dear to all of us. Our country has been held hostage by extremists on either end for long enough.

In addition, our military is being held hostage in Iraq, while it is needed elsewhere. Pinned down between warring factions of a society rent by civil disorder, it is being drained of its ability to defend us from new threats which are emerging worldwide. The surge has "worked" not by reconciling these divisions, but by capitalizing on them. It was a wise strategy on General Petraeus' part, good for a short-term solution to escalating violence; but it brings us no closer to the stable pan-Iraqi government we claim as our ultimate goal. Senator Obama is not afraid to state this distasteful truth.

I voted for Senator McCain back in the 2000 primaries. I believe that if he had won that election, our country would be far better off than it is today. But my faith in him is shaken, because Senator McCain's campaign is being held hostage by the far right wing of the Republican party; and we have no assurances that the same would not happen to a McCain presidency. And should something, heaven forbid, happen to him while he is in office, we would be left with a president who is fairly identical to President George W. Bush. The neoconservatives would move right back in to advise Ms. Palin, putting our country at risk once again of a reckless foreign policy and a disregard for important domestic issues.

We prolife centrists have been held hostage by the prolife movement's insistence on a legislative solution to the abortion problem for the last 35 years or so. Women deserve better than abortion, and they deserve a prolife movement that will spend its resources (time, money, talent) on providing them with an alternative rather than on protracted legal wranglings and abortion clinic prayer vigils. A legislative solution to the abortion problem is a chimera - I don't believe abortion will ever be illegal again in the U.S., and (unfortunately) the hard-liners on the left are dead set against any reasonable legal restrictions. Prayer vigils are counterproductive - being raised outside the pro-life community, I am more aware than most in the movement how they do nothing but alienate the people we most want to help.

We need to give these women real help - medical care, a living wage, affordable housing - so that they are not scared to bring children into this world. Some of this help can be brought about by the stated domestic policies of the Democratic candidate. We also need to open even more crisis pregnancy clinics and pour our money and efforts into those. What we don't need is to pin all our hopes (and the future of our country) on voting for a candidate simply because he/she is pro-life.

No candidate is perfect. I am choosing the candidate who is most willing to look for that common ground which unites us as Americans and to build from that. I am choosing the candidate who, while left of center, is still closer to the center than his opponent. I am choosing the candidate who wants to be President of all of the US, not half of it.

Hello? Anyone still here?

Sigh. It's lonely at the center...

Brought To You By The Color Brown...

Sigh. It's almost Election Day, and I'm already feeling let down. What will I do for excitement once it's all over? How can I bond with my teens without funny SNL campaign skits to watch? And how will I be able to push people's buttons without being able to say something like, "I'm voting for the babykilling socialist?"

Dark days ahead, people. Dark, dark days, I tell you. Thank goodness I've got a sizeable stash of Snickers to see me through.

Auntie Kate is still here. She's having a good time, though I can tell she is thanking her lucky stars that she never had children. My having to retrieve the toilet-paper spindle from a poop-filled potty this evening certainly didn't help.

Does this sort of thing happen to anyone else?

The results from my trick-or-treat survey yesterday are inconclusive. I need more responses. What's wrong with you all, anyway? Have you no interest in the sociological implications of a decline in trick-or-treating? Do we really want to live through a cocoa futures crash of inestimable dimensions? The ensuing chaos would make the Crash of '08 look insignificant by comparison (well, to me, anyway).

Let's keep our priorities straight in these turbulent times with an easy-to-remember slogan:

Chocolate First

See how clever I was? I made the slogan brown, like chocolate. Or like the water in your toilet, really, while you are swishing poop around in a gag-inducing attempt to find a lost toilet-paper spindle...

Hello, November!

November's not a bad month. That is, if you don't mind cold and rain and Christmas carols playing in every single store you step into. Right?

We usually get about 65 trick-or-treaters on Halloween. Plus or minus 10, say. Last year, I think we had close to 80. This year? 27. I've talked to friends around here and they experienced the same drop in the numbers of candy-begging urchins. I'm wondering whether this phenomenon is confined to my little corner of the world, or if it is more widespread. Did the number of trick-or-treaters at your door drop considerably this year?

And do you think the drop in numbers was caused by the election? Maybe the McCain campaign, with all its talk of "spreading the wealth" being the same as socialism, discouraged people from participating in spreading the candy around. Or perhaps the Obama campaign's emphasis on change confused people and made them think that it was time to change our Halloween customs.

And for those of you who are thinking, "Hey, Suburban Correspondent, election campaigns have nothing whatsoever to do with Halloween!" - well, I urge you to check out this article, sent to me by the Hotfessional. The sentence about the "crying children" cracks me up every single time.

Time Flies...

...when you're procrastinating.

I was supposed to clean the house today in preparation for Auntie Kate's arrival on Tuesday, but instead? I spent it researching (with Theo) the accusations implicit in yet another election-related, out-of-context audio clip e-mailed to me by a friend. The entire afternoon, we did this. I call it a homeschool crash course in critical thinking and analysis of sources. I also call it a great way to neglect my younger children and fall even further behind on laundry.

One more week, right? I really hope Auntie Kate doesn't want to talk politics.

I'm relieved to hear that I am not the only one leery of messing with gas appliances. I swear, your comments make me feel almost normal. Or, at least, less lonely...

Almost midnight - more tomorrow, after I indulge in a desperate housecleaning frenzy...

This Is My Post, On Drugs...

To the person who landed here after Googling "water makes me vomit": you really need to fix that, but I am sure you did not find any answers here. And I fear that reading my graphic descriptions of various puking episodes didn't help matters one bit.

Yesterday? Well, Larry was away, I had a killer head cold that got me up at 5 AM, and the kids still seemed to need me all day long. Plus, it must have been early-onset dementia that prevented me from remembering just when I took my last Sudafed dose. So I kept taking it. I would have Googled "overdose effects of pseudoephedrine," but I didn't care. I mean, could I have possibly felt worse? I think not.

I've been trying to explain to Theo that, usually, elections aren't this interesting. And, usually, neither is the economy. We've become veritable news junkies around here, checking electoral maps and the Dow Jones and the latest SNL skit. I mean, there's always something happening. Is this weird, or what?

Speaking of news, I'd like to thank General Colin Powell for explicitly stating that being a Muslim does not make one a bad American. And someone please remind me - why isn't he running for President? What's he been doing for the past 3 years, anyway? I mean, I can't think of a lot of jobs that are appropriate for a former Secretary of State. Maybe he's just been hanging out at home and driving his wife up the wall. You know how those newly retired husbands can be.

I know, I know - y'all come here just to hear insightful political commentary like the above. What can I say? I have a knack for taking important issues and boiling them down to trivial details. It's a gift, really. And I'm only too willing to share it with you.

And now, I think it's time for more Sudafed. That's good stuff.

[Edited to add: Blogtations has used a quote from one of my posts today. I'm thinking this is an honor; I mean, so long as I'm not presented with any more kitschy trophies...]

Brain Candy

Watch tonight's debate? (Gaaah! I know, politics) Does Obama make brains look sexy, or what? I had to convince the kids I was drooling over health care policy.

Wondering what was true or false in the debate? Go here for the latest. Also a fantastic site for truth-checking is this one. Its truth-o-meter (a portion of which you can see over there to the left) is one of my favorite features. (I particularly like its "Liar, liar, pants on fire" rating.) Both sites seem to be fairly unbiased and extremely informative. Go! What are you waiting for?

Oh. That's right, we need the results of the candy poll. Just a second, I need to check my tallies. Let's see - it looks as though Reese's Peanut Butter Cups pulled ahead at the last moment to win with 6 votes. A close second with 5 votes were the terrorist-sympathizer Butterfingers.

Really, I think you guys voted for those just to yank my chain. I can't believe anyone likes them.

Personally? I go for the KitKats (2 votes). And the Twix (4). Oh, and the mini Snickers, of course (3 votes). And, really, is there anyone who can turn down those Peanut Butter Cups? But I draw the line at 3 Musketeers (3 votes) - they've never done much for me.

So now you know why I have 6 kids - I get more loot on Halloween. It's that simple.

Candy We All Get Along?

It is once again that time of year when legions of people across the US are frantically Googling "tornado costume." And they all end up here. You're welcome. I have instructed our children not to involve their father in their costume plans this Halloween. It gets too frightening (and expensive).

Besides, Larry won't be here much this month. I think he'll be dropping in for his birthday this Friday and maybe he'll stick around over the weekend to do some laundry, and then he heads off on yet another trip. Somewhere. But I don't care. I travel places, too. Just today I went to Target. Tomorrow, who knows? I never make plans that far ahead. I go where the wind takes me: grocery store, Trader Joe's, Kohl's...each day is a new adventure.

Susie is insisting on being a pumpkin again for Halloween. We all want her to be a puppy dog, because every kid from Anna on down has worn the puppy dog costume when they were 3 years old (and, hey, I paid all of 3 dollars for it at the local thrift store 12 years ago); but she seems to be intent on breaking with tradition. The kid's a maverick, I tell you.

Sorry, couldn't help it.

I wonder if I could get through the next 29 days without mentioning politics at all? Wouldn't that be refreshing, if election-weary people could come to this blog and count on not hearing anything at all about the Dems or the GOP, no partisan bickering, no hockey mom jokes (like this one)? Just a place where we could all come together as people needing a break from all the name-calling?

We could talk about something innocuous instead. Like, candy, maybe...Yeah, that's it. How about everyone tells me what his/her favorite Halloween candy is. You know, the stuff you grab out of your kids' bags and hide for yourself? We can't fight over candy, can we? I mean, unless you are one of those incompetent lying terrorist-sympathizers who claim to like Butterfingers...

Laugh 2 Times And Call Me In The Morning

All right, I'm the first to admit that I look for the humor in any given situation; and I appreciate anything that makes me laugh about the current state of politics here in the USofA. Laughter is the best medicine, and all that...

But I hadn't realized I'd been, shall we say, overdosing on this skit until I heard 3-year-old Susie saying proudly to anyone who would listen, "I can see Russia from my house!" I'm just relieved she didn't pick up Hillary's line - "Grow a pair!" - instead.

Health news - the doctor called to say that, according to the lab tests she ordered, there is nothing wrong with me - no gallstones, no gangrene, nada. She was about to hang up, but I managed to delay her by saying, "Wait a sec - there is something wrong - I get sick when I eat fatty foods."

"Well, then you should continue to avoid them," she advised. (8 years of medical school for that?)

"But isn't something causing this problem?" I persisted.

"Oh, it's probably just age," she said airily before signing off.

So, it's not just my teenage son who thinks I've got one foot in the grave....

It Takes A Mother...

Okay, I've been mulling all this over, and what I think happened is this: originally, the VP selection committee called me, you see; but I wasn't home. One of my teens must have taken the message, and of course I never got it. So the committee had to settle for Governor Palin, right?

But that's okay - Ms. Palin is way more photogenic than I am. How does she pull off that sexy schoolmarm look, anyway? Will someone tell me, please?

It does look as though the Republicans have figured out that to achieve, say, a settlement between the Israelis and the Palestinians, they don't need some politician who doesn't know squat about making people get along; they need, instead, someone who has spent at least 15 years forcing her children to coexist somewhat peaceably. I can picture Ms. Palin sitting down with those recalcitrant Middle Easterners now:

Ms. Palin: Okay, fellas, what seems to be the problem here?
Mahmoud Abbas: Well, they started it; they came in and took our land and...
Ehud Olmert: Liar! The UN said we could have it. They voted and everything!
Mahmoud Abbas: Oh, yeah? Well, they didn't say you could kick us out!
Ehud Olmert: We didn't kick you out - you ran away. Babies!
Ms. Palin: Boys! Boys! What's past is past. There seem to be several sticking points to negotiations here. Let's look at this Jerusalem issue. It seems you both want it, and you're not willing to share.
Mahmoud: We were sharing, but they took our piece!
Ehud: We took your piece because you were going to take our piece!
Mahmoud: Liar, liar, pants on fire!
Ms. Palin: It's clear that you two cannot get along. What we'll have to do is take turns. Mahmoud, I'm going to set this timer. You can have Jerusalem for, oh, 6 months; and then Ehud here can take the next 6 months.
Ehud: How come he gets it first?

All I can say, Ms. Palin, is that you have your work cut out for you. And, hon, if you do end up living in the Vice Presidential mansion, please refrain from dismissing your chef because you want to cook for your own family (as you did when Governor). It makes the rest of us women look bad, all right?

Or, you could send him to me - I'll be glad to cede my kitchen duties for 4 years. No problem.

Hot!

I'm posting a discussion question about teens and dress over at MidCenturyModernMoms today. Anyone with anything useful to say on the subject is urged to comment over there. Not that this topic is a thorn in my side, or anything...

Okay, this is my favorite editorial cartoon of the week. It sums up Hillary's non-concession speech better than I ever could. I haven't gotten to listen to the real concession speech yet. But I know how it ends.

It's in the 90's here for the next few days, with humidity over 90% and frequent dangerous thunderstorms threatening life and limb. We all know what that means, don't we? It means it is time for Larry to undertake extremely exhausting outdoor work, work that should not be attempted in this type of weather by mere middle-aged mortals, susceptible as we are to heatstroke and back injury.

So Larry is digging up our 400 square-foot backyard in order to construct a flagstone patio complete with cobblestone edging. That translates into 9 tons of stone dust and 1 ton of cobblestones. All needing to be trucked in by wheelbarrow from the parking lot out front.

At least I won't be tempted to tease him about his lack of a regular exercise routine for a while.

Of course, right after Larry began excavating, we were inundated by weather wet enough to make me consider googling "blueprints ark". The precipitation turned our half-dug yard into a muddy swimming pool which is apparently irresistible to various children belonging to me and to my neighbor. She wasn't too happy the day she had to wade into our mud pit to drag her 5-year-old twin boys out by their arms. I expect to see a For Sale sign in front of their house any day now.

You know, it just occurred to me that no one seems to last very long next door to us.

In an attempt to escape the heat and humidity (and the angry neighbors whose property values we are doing our best to destroy), I took my best friend to the mall yesterday to help her pick out maternity clothes. (We brought our teen daughters with us, for which favor they owe us undying love and adulation.) They wandered around while my friend and I spent an inordinate amount of time in Motherhood, attempting to find maternity clothing suitable for a woman who is not under 25 and stick-figure thin.

Is there any way to let clothing manufacturers know that there are expectant mothers who would like to have shirts that do not accentuate the rolls of fat down our sides? Is that too much to ask? This horrible trend of looking sexy and svelte during pregnancy started when I was pregnant with Susie over 3 years ago, and it shows no signs of abating. I remember weeping because I couldn't find a simple pair of elastic waist shorts with a belly panel (at that point, the maternity fashionistas had decided that I would be more comfortable in shorts that did not cover my belly at all) and an attractive, flowing shirt that would cover up (rather than show off) my middle-aged pregnant body.

So. We finally staggered out of there with 3 acceptable outfits (I do love spending other people's money), a bathing suit (another note to manufacturers: pregnant women need support in the bust area, fellas), and a couple of nursing bras (one more thing? If a woman is wearing a D or larger cup, anything less than 3 rows of hooks in the back of her bra is just a joke. Got that?). I had walked in there a teeny bit jealous of my pregnant friend; I left thanking my lucky stars that I didn't have to go through the humiliation of trying on every single piece of clothing in the store to find something that looked appropriate.

Since the clothing ordeal wasn't enough for me, I came home and decided it was a great day (hot! sunny! weekend!) for the kids and I to take a 5-gallon cooler of lemonade to our local bike trail and charge 50 cents a cup for some refreshment. Did I mention it was hot? And sunny? So hot and sunny, in fact, that there was hardly any business. The kids whiled away the time drinking up their potential profit, while I tried to knit on a sock (bamboo needles and humidity don't mix well) and worried about how many cups of lemonade Susie could hold before she would need the potty. I'm surprised one of the few people biking by didn't call the police and accuse me of child endangerment. It was that hot.

But the kids stuck it out, because they are too young and innocent to realize when their mother is being abusive. And they netted about 17 dollars, which made them feel like Rockefellers. So I guess risking death-by-broiling was worth it.

Have I mentioned it's hot?

Don't Cry For Me...

Did anyone else listen to Hillary's not-a-concession speech the other night in New York? And, if you did, was this song running through your head, also? Or am I just weird?



Just wondering. You know, I'm gonna miss that woman...


[Oh, and I could tell from my sitemeter that most of you didn't get around to clicking on that link I gave you yesterday. Not that that bothers me or anything. But if you want something amusing to read, go there. I'm coming down from my caffeine high and I'm too tired to think of anything even remotely entertaining right now.]

[I love sitemeter.]

Parenting For Dummies

To close off our discussion of politics, VE suggests that we waterboard all the candidates to see if they have outstanding library fines. Not a bad idea...such a process could avoid an expensive special counsel investigation down the road - you know, Librarygate...

But my specialty is parenting, not politics. So let's get back to what I know best, okay? No one needs my opinion on the presidential race when I could be dispensing valuable advice on how to ignore one's children (hmmm, maybe next week's list?). Incidentally, I've put all my advice lists on the sidebar to the left there, under "Parenting for Dummies." See? Now no one has to waste good money on books by child psychologists and other novices - you can just look up an answer here on my blog. Questions about childrearing? Send them to me - I may not know the answer, but I can always make something up. Heck, that's what I do with my own kids, and they're all right. Sort of...

We had the boys' and girls' clubs here this afternoon; and one of the mothers mentioned how important it is to know your child's love language. I thought she was kidding and I started to laugh; so now she thinks I'm a monster. But, really, what parent needs a book to tell them that their kid needs a hug, or some praise, or maybe some one-on-one time with Mom or Dad? Parenting is more common sense than rocket science.

Make that, common sense and endurance...eighteen-plus years of teeth-grinding endurance...

I escaped from the house again this evening, because Theo had a job interview at a local supermarket. For some reason it took almost 2 hours. What's up with that? I mean, the kid is applying to be a cashier, not president of produce or anything. I had forgotten my knitting, so I convinced my best friend to meet me at the nearby Barnes and Noble (that's why she's my best friend, 'cuz she'll do that) and we ate banana-chocolate-chip pound cake (low fat!) and discussed the similarities between teenagers and dementors. Then we read magazines together and I tried to figure out how to answer my cellphone.

And I wonder why my teens think my life is boring....

All Politics is Loco

One reader yesterday brought me to task over my assertion that waterboarding is indeed torture, pointing out that sometimes torture is sometimes necessary to elicit vital information from detainees. Actually, I wasn't arguing for or against the use of torture (although I respectfully disagree with his thesis, as do professional FBI interrogators). It's just that if you are going to torture someone, don't start splitting legal hairs and saying it isn't technically torture. They remind me of Anna arguing that she didn't really push her younger sibling, she was just moving him forcibly out of her way. Hello? Let's have a little personal responsibility here.

And, yes, I do think the current administration is a little short on that.

Don't think you have me pegged, politically speaking, simply because I dislike the Bush administration. I'm one of the vast number of swing voters that all the candidates are desperately courting these days. In fact, I still have no idea which candidate I am voting for this November. Every day I change my mind. If you're waiting in line for the voting booth, and you see the person ahead of you frantically flipping a coin? That'll be me, I'm afraid...

But I do think we've got a bunch of good choices, for once. And that makes me happy. If this campaign isn't making you happy, it's because you haven't listened to its front-runners take on the challenge of making an omelette, brought to you courtesy of Garrison Keillor and his gang. (Look for "Segment 5" and then "the omelette script")

It also makes me happy that so many other people in the blogosphere are library deadbeats. I think Jenn won the prize yesterday by admitting to "...the time I had $300.00 in fines and kept hiding the notices from my mom until the Marshal showed up at the door with an arrest warrant." There were a lot of good contenders, though; so I would like to thank all of you for playing "Why My Librarian Hates Me." You're great! What do we have for the winners, Johnny?

Excuse me, I'm just giddy because I am being allowed out this evening to attend Knit Night. And I don't even have to wear the ankle monitor this time. I've come a long way, baby...

I Heart NY

Woo-hoo! The Giants won! I'm excited, and I don't even like football. In fact, I didn't even watch the game really. Larry and I went out to dinner last night (when my best friend heard our plans, she said, "Well, at least it won't be crowded..."); but our table (and, yes, we were the only ones in the dining area, as a matter of fact) was near the bar with the big screen TV's, so we were sort of able to tell when someone made a touchdown (from the cheering). Does that count?

I fell asleep (no, not at the restaurant) before the game was even over; Larry told me the news this morning. The only reason I care is because he's from the Boston area, originally, and I'm from the New York area. So we frequently argue over who is better, those stuck-up Beantowners or the salt-of-the-earth New Yorkers...

I think I'll stop now, before I alienate anyone else. If you folks want to hear from a true Patriots' fan (as in, she actually follows the game), head on over to Amy's place.

Anyway, we went out to dinner to discuss how much of Larry's hard-earned money I plan to spend this year on those rugrats we call our children. Then we discussed just sending them all out to work, like in the good old days of Charles Dickens. Suffice it to say, I managed to polish off our sizeable tax refund in, oh, about 15 minutes (it would have been faster, but I ate some chips and guacamole while I was writing out the budget). Our waitress must have thought we were real romantics, sitting there with pad and pen and calculator, arguing over extracurricular activities. Ah, old married love....just makes your heart beat faster, doesn't it?

When we weren't discussing the budget, we were discussing politics (I told you we are a lot of fun, didn't I?). But it's just so exciting to think that Americans may just have a choice this November between 2 decent candidates, it's hard not to talk about it. I realized this morning that by the next Presidential election, 2 of my children will actually be voting. In fact, I think I realized that around the same time I realized that the gray hairs are multiplying at an exponential rate on my head....

Where was I? Oh, yes, voting...so now I actually have to sound intelligent when I discuss the candidates with Anna and Theo, rather than muttering something about "voting the bastards out." And I do like giving them a balanced view of why reasonable people would vote for either candidate, rather than demonizing half the voting population of the United States as many of our revered, um, statesmen are wont to do. I'm an unrepentant centrist, I am....

I also take great pains to explain to the teens that any candidate winning by a 3 or 4 percent margin, does not, by any stretch of the imagination, possess a mandate. 3 or 4 percent in a country the size of ours is barely statistically significant. Instead, the winner needs to reach out to the almost 50 percent (that's half, for you math-challenged) of the voters who did not elect him/her, so they do not feel alienated and unheard. The winner-take-all mentality exhibited by certain politicians on both sides of the red/blue divide is not a healthy one for any country.

Oh, gosh, it's gonna be a fun year, no?

I guess I'm feeling a little optimistic today. I mean, if New York can triumph over undefeated Boston in the Super Bowl, perhaps there is a teeny chance for Americans to agree on how to achieve health care for all, an unplundered environment, an end to the war in Iraq, and an economy that isn't going right down the toilet. One can always hope...