Tuesday, April 01, 2008

No Kidding

I had to clean the stove today, since I can't even turn it on without setting off the fire alarm; so I thought I would make the task fun by taking before and after pictures. Well, I must be a lousy photographer; despite my best efforts , the after pictures really do not look much better than the before ones. Go figure. Maybe it is my camera's idea of an April Fool's joke.

I hate April Fool's Day. I have never understood what is so funny about making someone else (as in, um, me) feel like an idiot. Not that I resent it or anything, Another Gray Hair; but if you do end up actually pregnant at some point in the future, enjoy that morning sickness, okay? Humph.

I took the younger kids to the library this afternoon; I only had to pay 25 dollars this time to get my account thawed out. If any of you are keeping a running tally of how much money I have paid to that lovely institution this year, please do not share it with me - I don't want to know.

Remember the other dad Larry spent 24 hours with on the Boy Scout camping trip? The one whose son became best friends with David? Turns out Larry learned neither his last name nor where he lives. This incident just may explain why Americans resorted to torture* to get information out of detainees: the interrogators were male and had no idea how to gather information in a normal fashion.

*If you are one of those benighted individuals who doubts whether waterboarding is technically torture, I suggest you go experience it; then come back here and make your report. Make sure to bring pictures so we can see what a great time you are having.
[No one splits legal hairs better than our current Administration, I must say.]

And yes, I did let my toddler poop in her pants while I wrote this post - how did you guess?


  1. Yikes, sounds like quite a time you're having. Hopefully tomorrow will be better (and less poopy).

  2. Oh, you silly. Water boarding is really not that much different from a brisk swim or a harmless dip in a dunk tank at the fair. Dick Cheney says so, so it must be true

  3. Just so that you dont feel left out, I think we are the family that keeps the Howard County Library system in business. There have been plenty of times that my fees were over 100 dollars. When I was younger, I got some (73) books from PG county, and I forgot to turn them in. Then a couple of months later I got a letter in the mail addressed to my dad (who didn't live with us - so I opened it) and it said if we didnt return the forgotten books then he would be taken to jail :0

    This last time we went to the library a couple of weeks ago, I said to the kids we were not going crazy with the books. Each child - except for the baby - could get 10 books. Um, yeah, 10 books x 6 kids still is a crap load of books. And now some are still not turned in because they are lost. *sigh* I am not ever going back to the library again. (do you think if I donate 50 books to them, they will count that as my fine being paid??)

  4. Gee, another anti-April Fools' Day person. I guess the poop wasn't a joke either. :p

  5. Oh wow, a woman after my own heart. I had to quit going to the library because of my fines. Yep, just up and quit going altogether. I think an institution that exists because of my taxes has no right fining me, personally. I like to shake my fist at it as I drive by now and say "curse you, library!"

    It makes me feel better.

  6. Your husband must be related to mine. I have to add long strings of suffixes to the names of every single person we come in contact with. "You need to drop off (name of kid) at so-and-so's house, the one that we went to that time and I ate the stuffed mushrooms and you had to drive us home REALLY fast and you made fun of their (fill in the blank). Remember?"
    Or, "I was just on the phone with so-and-so and I know you remember who she is because you went on that weeklong field trip with the fifth grade, which has only 30 kids, and remember you told me she was the one who ... (fill in the blanks)"
    No wonder old couples don't talk to each other. It's too exhausting.

  7. Your stove is so sparkly clean! Nice!
    Oh and I owe $34 right now to my library. Shhh, don't tell anyone.

  8. Ha! And to what Mrs. G said, too.

    Think of it this way...where would your blog be without Larry as inspiration?? :)


  9. I kept looking at those stove picturess and thinking... that poor girl, they just don't look that different.

    But a quiet smoke alarm will make all the difference.

  10. I allowed my son to have his own library card, then he promptly lost it somewhere in his room, along with the library book. This made it impossible to renew the book online before we racked up any fines, and since we couldn't find the book for a while, they just kept adding up.
    He also checked out a DVD, which charges a late fee of $1.00 per day. It got put in the wrong case, and we couldn't find it for a while. I think we owed more in fines than the dumb Spongebob movie is worth.
    My daughter is now begging for her own library card. I guess she wants to start her own library fine account also. She never likes to be left out.
    Just today we went to the library to return a few books which are VERY overdue. We dropped them off at the drive through, because I was too chicken to go inside.
    I'm afraid that the librarians will recognize me, and they will slide their glasses to the end of their noses, and give me stern looks.
    You know how those librarians can be.

    I can totally tell that your stove is cleaner in the second photo.

  11. I don't know why they don't make self-cleaning stovetops. Geez. They can put a man on the moon...

    Hey, so why don't they put Dick Cheney on the moon? OR let's try waterboarding him, and see how it likes it. But, just to be safe, take away his shotgun first.

  12. Mrs. G said it better than I ever could have hoped too.

    Jennifer is making me flashback to the time I had $300.00 in fines and kept hiding the notices from my mom until the Marshal showed up at the door with an arrest warrant. Good times!

  13. I HATE cleaning the stove!

    And I am always late returning library books. I just can't bring them back on time. It's impossible.

  14. The Saint + 3 boyhood chums + five day ski trip = no information on any one's children,marriage,family or work status.

    How is this POSSIBLE?

  15. Let's take the ten thousand dollars you gave the library and add the ten thousand I gave it (including the check I'm writing while returning the overdue stack today) and start a mortgage company?

  16. If it makes you feel better, the stove in your "before" pictures is cleaner than my stove right now...

  17. Oh no!
    I'm betting a fair torture would be to clean out poopy toddlers for a few weeks--find a man who disagrees with THAT!
    Lord love you for that library fine. I might be right there with you and it shames me, but what can I do? I've asked them to put a plaque up since I believe I qualify as a Major Donor...

  18. I'm guilty of the name this too. I simply cannot retain such information, and I'm too embarrassed to ask again. I can never remember what people look like either.

  19. Okay, I'm glad you cleared that up. When I checked you blog yesterday there was only one photo, and I wasn't sure if the stove featured was the before or after (*smile, wink*)!

    God bless!

  20. Oh, I will. I'll enjoy that morning sickness and I'll share every little detail with you ;)

  21. I'm supporting my local library with fines, too.

    You know, you're right...guys don't know how to gather personal information! My husband is always telling me somebody from the church had a baby, and I say, "Was it a boy or a girl?" and he'll loop sheepish and say, " was a baby?"

  22. Don't get me started on the waterboarding...

    I'm WITH YOU on the April Fool's deal, why? And, what is it about you and me being in synch with the library fines, anyway?

    Poop happens. And happens again. Just hope it stays in the pants.

    Oh, OH and most importantly. I could definitely see the improved stove. I'm quite impressed. I'll get to that next year...

  23. Ah, I think you have hit the very crux of the matter - women should be running the world... And just as soon as I finish these bon-bons, I'll get to it.

  24. I think the stove looks a lot cleaner! I know when you clean and clean and it just doesn't seem to make a dent, I can relate....but I do thin the stove looks ok. :)

  25. I jsut paid my first library fine! it killied me $4 now we have a speacial place we put the books when we are done!

  26. i am honestly afraid to conquer the task of cleaning my stove.

  27. $25! Yikes - that's a lot of money. I'm just saying.

  28. Here's what I hate about April Fool's Day. "Mom, your face is purple." "What?" "April Fools!" "Mom, your face looks like cheese." "What?" "April Fools!"

    Repeat approximately 1,000 times, with hurt feelings if I don't act surprised EVERY SINGLE TIME.

    Crazy making.

  29. The administration should send their suspects to clean MY stove. Now that is torture.

  30. For the next few years I'll be avoiding library fines altogether. Ellie, 18 months old, has her own library card - and get this, she's not liable to library fines. She can take out books for as long as she likes.

    Librarians don't scare me any more. LOL.

  31. OK, I've never been to your blog before, but I have to tell you that I own that same stove, and a bottle of water/rubbing alcohol mix works wonders on it. And I've been known to just buy new drip pans instead of actually cleaning them :)



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