Whodunit?

Someone is in big trouble around here. I found granola bar crumbs all over the floor of my brand-new minivan. Hello? Can't we even go 2 weeks around here without defiling our expensive new purchase? I think whoever committed this crime needs to donate his/her college fund towards the car payment. Larry thinks that's too harsh. I'll bet you he's the one who did it.

Hey, I just thought up a whole new version of Clue. Sort of a mom's version - instead of someone being murdered, there will be a mess to clean up somewhere in the house, and no one will admit responsibility. So, instead of it being Colonel Mustard with a candlestick in the library, say, it would be the teenager in the car with the granola bar...or, the 8-year-old with the Legos in the living room....or, the toddler with the open jelly jar in the refrigerator...

The possibilities are endless - feel free to contribute your own ideas in the comments!

The Knitting That Time Forgot

Knitting not only relaxes the mind, it can also do strange things to the space-time continuum. If you will recall, I started this baby surprise jacket almost 3 weeks ago. You see, I'm doing a sort of knit-along (sort of, because everyone else did it last year sometime) for the BSJ: someone rewrote the instructions and divvied it up so that it would take only 12 days to finish the jacket. My friend who participated in the knit-along sent me the instructions (and all you copyright fiends, don't worry - I do own the original pattern, I just couldn't make head nor tail of it, all right?).

Anyway, I started on this 12-day project, oh, 20 days ago. I just finished Day 4. Meaning, I've got 40 days to go - sort of like the ancient Hebrews wandering in the desert for 40 years, only shorter, and with some cheerfully-colored Lion Brand CottonEase. I don't know how they managed all that time without CottonEase.

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Oh, joy! Larry has agreed to designate this coming weekend as a "let's get rid of/organize/hide all the extra crap in the house" extravaganza. Isn't he nice? Of course, it may have had something to do with my suggesting arson as a reasonable way to tackle the growing mounds of paper and junk that are threatening to engulf us. Or maybe he just hates to see me cry. He's nice like that.

As The Food Turns: Special Collections

Ta-da! Fridge pictures! Thank you, RobinH! I had no idea that by taking the little card thingie out of my camera and sticking it in that other thingie on the computer, I could make my pictures magically appear on my screen. I had a bad moment there when I couldn't figure out how to find them again to put them on my blog, but hey! Here they are!


Please note the empty bottle of apple juice standing by itself in the center of the picture. Because what could make more sense than putting a complete empty container back in the fridge? Rinsing it out, maybe? Naaah, let Mom do it.

It sort of bugs me.

And can anyone tell me what the container on the top left has in it? I have no flippin' idea, so any and all suggestions will be considered. Those fingerling potatoes on the bottom left are from St. Patrick's Day - how fitting, considering they are turning sort of green at this point. The middle container on the right is a rare sight - uneaten IKEA meatballs with pasta. I blame Lent. The coleslaw on the bottom right? No excuse.

Anyway, now for something different - we had a number of special collections in the refrigerator this past week that I would like to share with you:


Empty! Half-full! Full! This is an artistic representation of the arc of life, using the strikingly original medium of applesauce. The fullness of youth, with its limitless horizons, give way to the diminishing expectations of middle age and then the empty moldiness of decrepitude. I give it A+ for laziness. I mean, c'mon, how hard is it to check for an already open jar before you open a new one?





This piece is titled "The Futility Of Ketchup." The bottle on the left perfectly captures the angst inherent in all human endeavors. This message is thrown into stark contrast by the bottle on the right, with its intimations of hope and more ketchup.

It is also reminiscent of Carly Simon and "Anticipation." But maybe that's just me.







And, of course, a "Meditation On Salsa." We have long experimented with using salsa to represent our deepest yearnings and aspirations. But only recently has our work presented such a variety of influences, ranging from Mild to Thick 'n Chunky to Organic. Only when faced with the infinite variety of the salsa experience are we able to appreciate our all-too-human limitations.




What can I say? My refrigerator is my muse...

Still Trying...

My tech support (aka Larry) is attempting to fix my photo downloading problem. Isn't he nice? I couldn't get to it today, what with important things to do such as haircuts for the boys and an afternoon nap for me so that I wouldn't kill anyone. The nap was counterproductive, however; I managed to have a nightmare (I know! In the daytime!). I dreamed that I had a cute little 2-year-old boy who I had totally forgotten about and hadn't hugged in a year.

Let's not analyze that one, okay?

So, I woke up feeling awful and staggered downstairs to count my kids (no 2-year-olds, I checked) and start some dinner. And here's where something good happened. I found a whole bag of fresh(?) brussels sprouts that I had bought over 2 weeks ago, and they were still okay. So I managed to feel like a good mom feeding my children fresh green vegetables for dinner. Whew.

Does anyone live on a guilt rollercoaster like this? You'd think, after 17 years, I'd be past all that good mom/bad mom nonsense; but apparently not.

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Oh, joy! Theo has been accepted to two state universities. The relief in this household is palpable. Being the oldest, he has always borne the brunt of our angst. We worried about everything with him - I'm thinking he logged more doctor visits then all his younger siblings combined. We worried about his learning to share, his learning to read, his learning to make friends. Pity the oldest child...it's a miracle any of them grow up to be normal.

The next 5? I probably won't even notice the college application process.

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Well, I've been stalling in the vain hope that Larry would have figured out how to get my photos onto the computer; but it looks as if I'll have to give up for tonight. Let's see, we've de-installed and reloaded the software (Kodak EasyShare), we've restarted the computer, and I've jiggled the camera when the download gets hung up. I think we are out of tricks. Ideas?

Of course, I could just purchase a new camera, one that uses different software. Unfortunately, Larry nixed that idea; he seems to think that we have already done enough for the economy. If you lose your job next week, blame him.

As The Food Turns - Not!

Darn it! I had some great pictures of my fridge clean-out today, and I can't manage to get them from the camera to the computer. Which means I'll probably spend all my spare time tomorrow attempting to figure out just what is wrong with the photo-downloading software...

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Well - I really have nothing else to talk about today. Oh! Except that the woman who I accused of making me feel pathetic was kind enough to comment on yesterday's post. And it turns out that English is her second language, for heaven's sake. Don't I feel bad for calling her out on what she said? Thanks, TL, for bothering to join the discussion; I was just trying to reassure myself that not everyone was feeling sorry for me.

Sheesh - now I really do look pathetic.

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Okay, so I can't get the photos (and it's a real shame, because I was going to show you all the special collections we have in the refrigerator right now); so maybe you all could just enjoy this video that Barb linked to in her post today? It's funny. My favorite line is "So the speed of light isn't fast enough for you?"

Go! Click on it! Have fun! Don't fret about the fact that I will be chained to this computer for the next 5 hours trying to transfer my photos - I'll be fine, really.