Monday, February 11, 2013

No Regrets

Things My Kids Will Never Forgive Me For

 Shouting "Wake up, campers, it's GROUNDHOG DAY" every morning.  Granted, if they would just roll themselves out of bed faster, they wouldn't have to hear it.


Repeating ad nauseam "The Internet is NOT PRIVATE, dammit." 


Spending an unreasonable portion of 2012 watching Call Me Maybe videos -- time that, admittedly, could have been more gainfully employed cooking healthy meals and cleaning the house.  Sorry, kids, great art can't wait.


Telling them that the world is a safe, happy place.  I lied.  In my defense, it was easy to get away with that sort of thing back then, with no real Internet available.  All I had to do was keep the TV off.


But they seemed so harmless...
Making them eat baby carrots with almost every meal, because I'm too lazy to prepare other vegetables (and too busy watching "Call Me Maybe" videos).  I'm sure, 20 years from now, we will find out that baby carrots are bad for us.  My grandchildren will probably have 9 heads.  Each.


Indoctrinating them, musically speaking, with Tommy Makem and the Clancy Brothers and Billy Joel.  That is pretty much all they know of popular music ("Call Me Maybe" excepted); and I am well aware that, when they get to college, they will appear to be complete freaks.  'Tis a small price to pay, however, for my being able to live without Justin Bieber...


So tell me, readers, how have you ruined your children's lives?  Spill it.



[Groundhog Day image: Wikipedia]
[Baby carrots image: Free Republic]











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15 comments:

  1. *Playing the Newsboys' Breakfast Song at full volume to wake them up ("When the toast is burned and all the milk has turned, and Capt'n Crunch is waving farewell... when 'the big one' finds you may this song remind you that they don't serve breakfast in hell!") ... although I really ought to start using your Groundhog Day wake-up call...
    *Raising them on old music (note to self: play more Billy Joel but skip "Captain Jack")
    *Not buying baby carrots anymore and making them wash, peel, and cut their own
    *Sleeping while they get up, make their own breakfasts and pack their own lunches because *I* sleep through my own alarm.
    *Taking them camping in a severe thunderstorm. (MusicMan didn't talk to us for nearly 18 hours!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I skip Captain Jack also. It's bad enough letting the little ones listen to "The Entertainer" and then hearing them sing, "I learned to dance with my hand in my pants..."

      Delete
  2. Getting my little son hooked by Queen's Bicycle Race and letting him think it's an innocent children's song.

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  3. I think my children's ruination is not complete until they're in therapy. Right now I like to embarrass my daughter by commenting that Captain Hook on "Once Upon a Time" is "sex on a stick."

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    Replies
    1. Okay, I bow to your superior ability to traumatize offspring.

      Delete
  4. Totally have been serving baby carrots at every dinner meal here, too! :) Veggies? Done.

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  5. Hm, No Xbox, no COD, waking them up with "Romp and stomp, it's daylight in the swamp," not letting them have their own phone, not letting them play Pop Warner football. I'm a pretty bad mom. But you might be doing a worse job.

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  6. I think the worst thing I did was being part of the organizing and supervisory committee for virtually every rite-of-passage event. In my defense, and as I explained to them many times, if the get-er-done contingent didn't put on these events, there'd be no place for me to ruin your life with my presence :)

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  7. I am ruining my 13-yr-old's life just by my existence, apparently.

    And I am going to try the morning shouts suggested by you and Green Girl. I need something new and fresh to annoy her with.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, honey, I've been there. My oldest girl, as a teen, just could not stand it when I breathed near her. Near, as in "in the same house." If you search "Anna" on this blog, you'll see.

      Delete
  8. No kids for me, but one of my friends deserves an honorable mention for teaching her daughter 'Rippy the Gator goes Chomp Chomp Chomp' (in which small children are eaten, if you haven't encountered it) and then sending her daughter off to teach it to all her little preschool friends.

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  9. Oh, where to begin... No TV, no cell phone, no high-speed internet, regular bedtimes, teeth brushing and hand washing for starters. No middle school dances and NO WAY to joining cheer-leading. But YES to my chaperoning out-of-state school band trips!
    It's funny, though. A week or so ago we had a real cold snap and Critter called to tell me that all over the college campus kids were running around in tiny skirts and shorts and "Thank you, Mom, for teaching me how to dress properly for the cold!"

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  10. By still thinking that jokes like "That's what she said" are funny and using them in public. often.

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  11. They have no idea what Justin Bieber is and I make them have a banana for snack time at school almost everyday. They hate me for it.

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  12. I made up my own "wake up" song for the 13-y-o boy -- it runs generally to the tune of Alexander's Ragtime Band. "Get outta bed! Get outta bed! Get outta bed, you sleepy head! The sun is up, the sky is blue. The birds got up and so should YOUUUUUUUUUU!" Redux. Way too perky...

    Besides that, generally singing in public and being "too old" to be his mom. POW!

    Ooh. And I don't buy him "everything". He gets money by being a productive member of Team Verge, and he has to Save. His. Money. What a drag! But I gotta say, he has become very resourceful with his purchases.

    ReplyDelete

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