Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Build A Better Mousetrap Already

To me, this does not say "cute"
There is a mouse that sounds about the size of a cocker spaniel running in the ceiling above my head.  Or, to put it another way, just below the floor of the room where my 2 little girls are sleeping.  What happens if it chews its way out?  Larry may discover just how loudly I can scream.

Stupid rodent. 

And what good is my pest control gigolo if he can't fix this problem, anyway?

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Why Jews Shouldn't Go To Church

I made it to church today with the rest of the family.  Sometimes I'm working, sometimes I can't find the dress slacks that fit; but today the stars aligned just right so that I could sit with Larry and the kids and wonder why I hadn't noticed that Susie was wearing athletic socks with her cute little patent leather ballerina flats.

Believe me, Larry NEVER notices stuff like that.  Something to do with that y chromosome, I'm thinking...

Anywhoo, I did okay until the second reading.  Paul, to the Corinthians.  I listened attentively as the lector read aloud:

The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord;
33 but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife,

And I laughed.  Out loud.  A literal LOL, people - in a completely quiet sanctuary full of fellow parishioners who apparently weren't raised on Borscht Belt marriage humor.

I mean, that was funny, wasn't it?  "How to please his wife..." Ba-da-bum!  That Paul!  He WAS Jewish, you know...

I spent the next 5 minutes snorting into my scarf, while Larry pretended he didn't know me.  I'm betting that next Sunday?  He leaves me home.

[Bible image: St. Cuthbert's]

Friday, January 27, 2012

Waffle Fries - Friend Or Foe?

--- 1 ---

Judging from the comments yesterday, I am not the only one who has issues with losing things down sewer gratings.  I seem to have hit a nerve.  Also, I'm not the first person on earth who has had to replace a cellphone.  Who knew?

--- 2 ---

You know you want some...
We ate 2 meals at ChikFilA today.  Don't get all judge-y on me.  I wasn't about to let some good coupons go to waste.

--- 3 ---

Homemade pizza for lunch, though - with carrots on the side.  Does that balance things out?

--- 4 ---

We had a hair conditioner leak today which was reminiscent of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill.  It is EVERYWHERE.  And the entire vanity cabinet reeks of Floral Essence.  I blame my teenager.  The girl one, that is...

--- 5 ---

Susie, my youngest, has finally learned how to play Dutch Blitz.  Glory, hallelujah,  I will never have to play another boring card game like War again.  And the more we play Dutch Blitz, the more Anna can feel justified in her belief that we practically raised her Amish.

--- 6 ---

Meaning, our 8-year-olds aren't walking around with personal cellphones.  And we don't have cable TV.  The children are, however, allowed to wear zippers.

--- 7 ---

Jennifer would never take her kids to ChikFilA twice in one day.  At least, she'd never admit to it.  For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

[Waffle fries image: NCSU Dining]
[Dutch Blitz cards image: Almost Amish]

Thursday, January 26, 2012

I'm A Slow Learner

I've been keeping up with all my favorite blogs every day but not writing here.  You all entertain and amuse me, and I'll just sit here.

No, no, that can't be right.

Anywhoo, I spent my time today trying to replace all the contacts in my cellphone.  My NEW cellphone.  Because the OLD cellphone is lying in a storm drain in a parking lot at our town's shopping center.  The storm drain next to what I used to consider the BEST parking space in the whole lot.

Really, I should have known better - I lost a crochet hook down that same storm drain once.  I swear, it's like I get out of the car and stand there shaking my purse upside down over the sewer grating.  But I don't.  I think there is some sort of magnet down there.

Actually, I almost lost my keys down there once, too.  You'd think I'd park elsewhere, wouldn't you?  But what are the odds?  I thought.  What are the odds that I would drop something else in that VERY SAME SPOT?

Apparently, the odds were pretty good.

Friday, January 20, 2012

7 Quick Takes: Merit Badge Edition

--- 1 ---

Larry took the 2 younger boys skiing with the Boy Scouts.  That means I'm left here with the girls, all by my grown-up self, to sit up late at night and imagine someone is going to break into the house through the basement.  Sometimes I take a break from that and worry that I am going to see a ghost.  And there is always the possibility of another bat invasion...

--- 2 ---
This condo is looking better and better.

My point being, I need to be able to move into a tiny 1-bedroom unhaunted condo on the nights that Larry is gone.  That would suit me just fine.
--- 3 ---

Larry and I managed to have an argument just before he left.  No details need to be repeated here, as it was beyond stupid, as these things tend to be.  But, in that light, I vastly enjoyed Barefoot Foodie's little jeu d'esprit today on the subject of marital spats.

--- 4 ---

I don't know what "jeu d'esprit" means, actually.

--- 5 ---

Oh, look! The boys get a merit badge for skiing.  I'm thinking that no one gives ME merit badges.  I'm pretty sure I've earned a few in the past 2 decades.  Let's see...do they have one for nagging the kids? Knitting? Listening to one's spouse talk about work?

--- 6 ---

There! I just taped up the gaps around the edges of the fireplace insert.  Take that, bats!  And that masking tape sure does look attractive against the white brick fireplace.  Maybe I'll snap a photo and start a home decorating blog.

--- 7 ---

Jennifer doesn't lie awake worrying about bats and burglars.  She just fears scorpions in her slippers.  For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!  In the meantime, I'll be looking up how to get my merit badge for bat infestation prevention.

[floor plan: timeshareorlando]
[skiing image: ecrater]

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

5-Alarm Onions

We almost had a major kitchen fire this evening.  I blame the distracting powers of the Internet.

Charcoal - it's what's for dinner.

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Family That Camps Together...

Larry and I are currently in negotiations over where to take the family camping this year.  Using last year as our experience base, we were able to rule out the following:

1. Any location with a stinkbug infestation

2. Any location which finds it necessary to post this fun kids' video on its website.  I don't know about you, but Unexploded Ordinance (UXO, for short) does not spell "fun family hike" to me.

With those 2 requirements settled, we've still got a lot of places left to argue over.   Larry prefers out-of-the-way, quiet campgrounds with secluded tent sites where you can sit and relax in peace and quiet while you soak up the goodness of nature. I, on the other hand, only want to camp somewhere that I can drag the children on different hikes or historical tours every single day and then return to a crowded campground to socialize with other people and their kids.  Social lodge and fitness room on the premises?  Bonus!

You know, if I want to sit and relax, I prefer to do so at home on my comfy couch, not outside in an insect-ridden environment.  Why would I drive 4-8 hours with 6 kids in the car to relax, anyway?  Sort of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?

Friday, January 13, 2012

7 Quick Takes: Starving Brain Cells Edition

--- 1 ---

I don't know how long this has been going on, but Blogger changed my comments section so that y'all can reply to each other's comments.  I'd always been jealous of the bloggers who had that capability; I thought thtey were in some special club where the secret of comment-replies HTML was handed out. But now this secret is available to the teeming Blogger masses.  Check it out!  Comment!  Reply!  Reply again!

--- 2 ---

The little yellow dots decide dinner.
Also, if any of you could let me know whether Blogger notifies you that someone replied to your comment, that would be great.  There's probably a way I could figure that out all by myself, but I need those brain cells to decide what's for dinner.

--- 3 ---

One of the bloggers I had been envying for her comment-reply capabilities is Momastery.  She's recently become very popular due to a post that went viral on Facebook; but really, I liked her before that.  So there.  Anyway, you should check her out.  She has way more brain cells left than I do.

--- 4 ---

Meatballs - I think we'll do IKEA meatballs for dinner.  It's the only dinner where no one cries.

--- 5 ---

Whew!  That was difficult.  I'm wiped out.  Darn Weight Watchers - I think my brain is starving.

--- 6 ---

But, no, really - that half a piece of lasagna I had for lunch along with a heaping bowl of salad was plenty filling.  Plenty!  I don't want to rip open a bag of Trader Joe's semisweet chocolate chips right now AT ALL.  I LOVE eating healthy.

--- 7 ---

Jennifer always eats healthy, unless she's busy pairing white wine and chicken nuggets for a fancy company dinner.  For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

[brain cell image: GraphicsHunt]
[IKEA meatball image: aeracura]
[chocolate chips image: make and takes]

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I Heard The M&M's Call My Name

You're not hearing much from me because I am nearing the end of my contract year again and, as always, I am way behind.  Also?  The children keep asking for things like food and clean clothes.  Pesky little people, they are...

It refuses to snow here, which is putting all of us in a bad mood.   We even hid the Christmas sleds up in the attic (while proclaiming loudly, "I guess we won't be needing these this year!") in a pathetic attempt to trick the weather fates.

And? I'm back to Weight Watchers.  Why?  Because I kept gaining weight.  I'm pretty sure that all the chocolates and cookies that have been infiltrating my abode have something to do with that.  Although, as Larry doesn't mind pointing out, I don't HAVE to eat them.

He's wrong.  I DO have to eat them.  That's precisely the problem.  Men don't understand ANYTHING.

I have a pesky cough which I am pretty sure is a sign of something deadly.  Please, Lord, don't let me be an overweight corpse.  Give me a few months.

Larry won't understand THAT, either.  Are men more well-adjusted than women?  Discuss. 

[Sled image: Sled Warehouse]

Friday, January 06, 2012

7 Quick Takes: New Year's Hangover Edition

--- 1 ---

We have been subsisting on a steady diet of New Year's party leftovers.  We may die of scurvy and/or hypertension, but we'll die happy.

--- 2 ---

Trader Joe's Ginger Snaps, anyone?  They're absolutely awesome.

--- 3 ---

The other day I tweeted about how I clean up for guests by shoving everything under the Christmas tree and pretending the whole mess is presents. @ConversionDiary retweeted this handy hint to thousands of people who apparently think I'm being funny.

People, I was serious.  I thought everyone (with more than 4 kids) did the same.  In fact, I thought that was what Christmas trees are for.  You know, you can't hide a heck of a lot of stuff under a menorah.

--- 4 ---

Did I ever mention the time I was having an old college friend and his family over for dinner, back when we had only 4 kids, the youngest being a nursing toddler, and we were too broke to fix up our house at all?  Borderline Squalid, that was our decorating theme.  Sort of like Shabby Chic, only uglier and cheaper.  Larry and I debated setting up ladders and dropcloths all over the main living area, so we could pretend that we were in the middle of a major home renovation.  "Oh, excuse the mess!"  And the crappy paint job, and the missing doors, and all that...

--- 5 ---

Haven't seen those folks since, actually.  Larry, who isn't the quickest on the uptake when it comes to social cues, turned to me as my friend and his wife walked out the door and said, "Well, I guess we're not on HER A-list, are we?"  Yeah, it was that obvious.

--- 6 ---

So! We held our annual neighborhood New Year's Day Open House on Sunday, and it was a roaring success.  Getting ready for it, however, almost required the services of a mediator.  Who knew 2 people married 21 years could get into a fight over where to set out the pizzelles?  It's a special skill we have.

But, just for the record, Larry was wrong.

--- 7 ---

Jennifer would never argue over baked goods with her husband.  For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

[TJ ginger snaps image: Stuff H Likes]
[Pizzelles image: Etsy]

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

2012 Pillow Talk

I crawled into bed past midnight last night.  Larry rolled over and mumbled, "Where were you?"

"I had to stay up and follow Iowa.  It was awesome!"

"Iowa? Oh, the caucuses. Um, yeah. Awesome." (Yawn.)

"You should have heard Newt.  He's out for blood."


"And Santorum trounced Bachmann and Perry!"

Silence. Then a snore.

Electoral politics isn't for everyone, apparently.  Larry's probably thinking it's going to be a very long year.

[Map: Caffeinated Thoughts]