What? No "Babies, Guns, Jesus"?

This is what today was really about, folks....set a spell and listen...

Here's Your Clue

How To Know That Your Housekeeping Isn't Quite Up To Snuff

• Your kids ask, "Is someone coming?" when you tell them to clean up the living room.
• After you spend the better part of a morning vigorously scrubbing your wooden kitchen table, your 8-year-old exclaims, "I didn't know it was that color!"
• You don't let the children open the refrigerator when company is over, for fear of public shaming.
• Your teenager assumes someone has vomited when he sees you removing the sofa slipcover for a shaking-out.
• You use a throw rug, strategically placed in front of the fridge, to break the fall of the jars and bottles that inevitably tumble out.

Feel free to add your own, dear readers...

I Love Lucy

Larry's away at yet another management retreat, and I'm in charge in the evening.  Apparently he's been letting the little ones stay up until all hours, because Rachel was shocked - shocked - when I had her turn out her light at 8:30.

"It's boring with the light off!" she shrilled at me, repeatedly.  Well, yes, it is...

I obtained the entire first season of I Love Lucy DVD's from the library this month.  I've found that I can get the kids to do almost anything with an I Love Lucy episode dangling before their little noses as an incentive.  And it's better than candy - lasts longer and doesn't rot their teeth.  Why didn't I see this valuable tip in any of those lousy parenting books I read all those years ago?

Knife To The Heart

So!  Our first day of vacation Larry and I took the three youngest down to the little riverside beach on base.  The children frolicked (albeit with a touch of trepidation) in the jellyfish-infested waters while I sat in my beach chair and immersed myself in yet another memoir.  And then...

"Look, Mommy!" said Rachel. She was pointing at another middle-aged woman energetically digging a hole in the sand with her son.  "There's a mommy that plays with her kids!" 

I'd like to say that her wistful tone goaded me away from my book; but I'd be lying.  I harbor absolutely no desire to play in the sand with my kids.  That's what siblings are for.

Just keeping my Idle Parenting credentials fresh...

[Photo credit: thundafunda]

Why It's Important To Follow The Rules

We just got back and I am currently employed in emptying rotting food out of my refrigerator.  I don't know why I thought it would be easier to do it now than before we left for the week.  Maybe I was hoping the refrigerator fairy would come by and clean it out for me.  Although she sure didn't take care of the zucchini last year...

My favorite part of the vacation occurred at the very beginning, when we arrived at the lodging we rented on a Navy base. There was a list of rules posted, and one of them read

No pets allowed.  If a pet is found in rental unit, a 100-dollar extermination fee will be charged.

As Theo said, "Wow - they don't mess around here, do they?"