Monday, December 15, 2008

Bad Santa Jokes

For some reason Larry left the sponge mop I use for work in the kitchen (because, maybe, he didn't like it floating around his car?). When Rachel spotted it in the kitchen, she got all excited. "Mommy!" she said. "You could use that here in the house, too!"

Well, yes - that would be nice for a change, wouldn't it? Do you think Larry put her up to that suggestion?

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Speaking of slovenly housekeeping practices, did you know that the smell of a dirty stove drip pan (heated to "high") in the kitchen mingling with the aroma of fresh Christmas tree in the living room can produce an odor noxious enough to make one think (if one is as leery of gas appliances as I am) that the gas fireplace is about to explode?

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Oh, and speaking of fireplaces (don't you admire how I segue effortlessly from one subject to another?), I've come up with a new way to torment my children. You see, I know my Rachel - she probably figures she doesn't have to be good - she can just trick Santa into thinking she's been good. Ha! I'll just tell her that if I feel she doesn't deserve any presents from Santa, I'll just leave the fireplace lit on Christmas Eve.

As Calvin said, "Santa flambe?!" [Sorry, can't find a link to that particular strip]

Then again, Rachel might be intrigued by the concept. Never mind.

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And I'll leave you with my favorite Santa joke (as heard on Prairie Home Companion a number of years ago):

Q: Why does Santa always chuckle, "Ho, ho, ho!"?

A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live...




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17 comments:

  1. It may be a bad joke, but I love it!

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  2. I'm loving this Santa business. When my kids start acting up now all I have to do is ask them, "hey guys, what do naughty children get for Christmas again?" And they're instant angels. I'm in trouble come New Year's.

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  3. That last joke was baaad, spelled with at least three As...:-)

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  4. My husband (who frequently does the dishes and I love him for it) likes to stick a pan back in the oven to soak. I never realize it's there until the odor you described permeates the room when I preheat the oven.

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  5. With my kids in college, singed Santas are mop my problem anymore.

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  6. My sister and nephews were visiting once and the kids made a mess.

    I told my oldest nephew to get the broom from the kitchen...

    "Oh, you have a broom?!"

    I thought my sister was going to pee herself laughing.

    No, I'm not known for my housekeeping skills.

    :)

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  7. Yeah, we're thinking we'll clean on Saturday. Fortunately, we don't have a life, so we don't have anything else to do. Yayyyyy... ;)

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  8. I'm petrified of gas appliances, too. Which is why I can never cook during our frequent power outages.

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  9. Why should I mop? I have teenagers to do those chores for me. I just sort laundry and (re)clean the bathrooms after the kids clean them. :)

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  10. My mom used to put the used broiler pan back into the oven and leave it. It still gets me every time I'm at her house cooking something. It grosses me out. Bleh.

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  11. A number of years ago, my oldest (then a preschooler) and I arrived at a friend's house for a playdate. She was ironing and my 4-yr old said, "Mommy, what's that?"

    LOVE Calvin and Hobbes. We have the Santa flambe threat/discussion almost every year.

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  12. Yeah, Bad joke. Tis the season for them, I think.

    Keep the Holidays simpler. Don't let yourself get caught up into the things you think you HAVE to do. I haven't sent Cards for the last 2 years and it is LIBERATING!!! saves lots of time and lots of money.

    KEEP BELIEVING

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  13. Maybe tomorrow you can include instructions on using a mop? I have a vague memory of one in my past..

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