Monday, October 30, 2006

Total Craziness

Wow - I haven't bothered you guys in almost 3 weeks. You must have been hoping I'd gone away. No such luck. I've just been waiting for things to settle down a bit here so I could write and say that everything's all right, Rachel is behaving, Anna loves us, and all that. Unfortunately, I can't write that. Our house is looking a bit bizarre at this point, I must say. Sliding bolts on the outside of all the bathroom and bedroom doors (and the closets); a 4-year-old happily playing at the kitchen table while strapped to her chair with 2 velcro cargo straps; bathrooms stripped bare of any item that could conceivably be flushed down a toilet. Sort of an Addams Family feel, really. We have to lock Rachel into her room at night, as we discovered that she was getting up in the middle of the night and working on her "projects" in the boys' walk-in closet. Mounted stuffed animal heads, pillow-casing Halloween ghosts, you name it. And plugging up the powder room toilet on her way back to bed. Thank God she has never figured out where we keep the matches. Larry strips and searches her bed every night, to make sure there are no scissors, stuffed animal heads, or glue hidden there. Still, she manages to continue. Today she got hold of my hot-glue gun and, well, it wasn't pretty. Apparently, she had figured out how to use it by watching Theo mend some books that she had ripped the covers off of.

It didn't help that we had houseguests last week. We tried to warn them. Auntie Kate really wasn't happy to come back from a day of touring in DC to find her suitcase (the new one, with the lock) slashed open. I think that was the day Rachel got her hands on Theo's Swiss Army knife. Yes, she is a monster. And, yes, we are obviously totally incompetent as parents. If anyone would like to take her off our hands and demonstrate the proper way to raise her, feel free. Take my daughter....please.

Well, I could go on and on; but you get the idea. Tomorrow she starts preschool, and Larry and I can hardly wait. We've discussed warning Rachel's teacher, but what is the use? She'll never believe us. We'll probably just stick with Larry's plan; i.e., we'll drop Rachel off in her classroom, yell, "No backsies!" and run for the car.

Of course, we tried that with Anna at the middle school and she just keeps coming back. Oh, well. She spends her weekends actively loathing us all. At this point, the feeling is becoming mutual.

Happily, Halloween is approaching and I can try to immerse myself in preparations for the still-sane children in the family. Brian and David are both going as bats (see? Rachel is driving us batty), and Susie is going to be a nice fat pumpkin. Rachel unfortunately lost trick-or-treating privileges after the glue-gun incident today. Not that that will make a bit of difference in her behavior. I don't know what Anna is planning, as she isn't really speaking to me right now. Theo, for the first time, has declared himself as too old to trick-or-treat. Can driving be far behind?


  1. So here's the start of it all. I've heard some of it but I never could find the start. Thank you!
    And I'm sorry.

  2. I think "no backsies" may be precisely the phrase I'm looking for in my parent-teacher dialog with V's teacher. Excellent.

  3. i am now, and forever, a devoted reader. because oh dear lord, is rachel a person? like a person person?

    i feel like we're soulmates. or at least rachel and my first grader are.

  4. and no backsies? hahahahaha.

  5. So Anna has been a sulking teen for TWO years now??? How will I ever survive when it's my turn?