Friday, June 19, 2020


Hi! Just getting used to being unemployed here - and you? I spent my first day of freedom scrubbing down the "kids" bathroom, which yes, they could do themselves, but they don't and I'm not living like that. My second day of freedom involved going to ALDI and spending over $200 (which, honestly, I didn't even think was possible) to restock the pantry and freezer with everything we had run low on, because seriously, it is no joke having 6 grown humans living and eating in one house.

Today? I received the results of a lengthy experiment I've been conducting. You see, over a month ago, weary of seeing my frightening visage on the screen during Zoom meetings, I panic-shopped for something, ANYTHING, to fix things. I settled on the three items in the picture below. Only, I couldn't help wondering, How do I know if these really work?

These promise THE WORLD
I figured the lockdown was giving me a prime opportunity to do some real research. All these products said that after a month I would see a big difference. So I decided to use them only on the left side of my face.

On the right side (the CONTROL, for those of you who speak science), I would stick with the one thing I already use (and can get fairly cheaply at Costco):

Not sure this makes a difference, either

This morning was the day of reckoning. After my shower, I left my face bare and then pounced on the nearest victim, Anna, who had come upstairs to the kitchen to refill her coffee. "Anna, tell me the truth - which side of my face looks better?"

I wish I had thought to take a picture of her expression when I asked that question. Seeing it, I tried to elaborate. "No, I mean, does either side look less wrinkled? The skin younger? How about around the eyes?"

"You look VERY YOUNG," poor Anna said, trying to back out of the kitchen with her mug.

"No, don't worry! I'm not asking that!'s science. Does either side look better than the other, or no?"

Poor Anna.

The verdict, delivered with trepidation by my cornered daughter? "Not really. Maybe the right side? No, no, they're the same, mostly."

So, there you have it: after more than a month of my using the miracle creams (with Retinol!) on only the left side of my face, there is still no difference between the wrinkles on the left side of my face and the right. Not even under the eyes, which is really a bummer, because there are truly frightening things happening there. The upside, however, is now I can spend my money on items that won't betray me, things that will add true value to my life. Like chocolate, say, with hazelnuts.

I'm a simple person.

Oh, and when I explained the experiment to Anna, she said, "Of course those creams don't work!" This last was uttered with all the insouciance of Youth, unacquainted with the desperation wrought by the ravages of time.

Can I have that back, that insouciance? Because this is when I need it.


  1. That's disheartening, especially since I had heard that prescription retinol was amazing so I figured even a little retinol was helpful. I keep hearing about vitamin c products and hyaluronic products...maybe one of those products will be the saving grace.

  2. I'm sorry you've had to join the ranks of the unemployed. :(

    As far as the creams are concerned, I'd give it a few weeks. Back in February I started using vitamin C serum in the morning and Olay retinol at night, and I really think my skin does look better, although the fact that I'm getting more sleep because I no longer have to get up early for work is also probably an important factor.

  3. Oh thank you for giving yourself to science so generously! I've always had my doubts about those creams and now you've gone and proved them valid, and spared ME a bunch of money in the process. You're my hero!

  4. Hmmm... that's disappointing. I was hoping you found a huge difference! Oh well. I am still sticking by my Vitamin CE Ferulic that I use every day. For a change, I've added it to the back of my hands, which previously reminded me of Granny Clampett. I THINK it doesn't look quite so bad as 3 months ago, but now I'm thinking this is wishful thinking. If anyone finds the miracle, please let me know.

  5. Thank you for your service to science. And I'm really sorry about the job.

    1. It was absolutely wonderful while it lasted, that's for sure!

  6. I think even the most hated real job out in the real world would be an improvement over cleaning my kids' bathroom. Not sure your kids leave their bathroom in the same condition mine do, but if that is the case I am sorry for your new situation.

    I still sunbathe so I have yet to consider aging issues with a lick of seriousness. I love your experiment. Now if someone wanted to try to thicken their thinning hair on one side of their head I would be super interested in the results as thinning hair is my biggest issue.

  7. Okay this is going to sound weird I'm sure, but if the creams had worked as advertised, how long do you think it would take for the other side of your face to catch up? Or would it always look lopsided? Sad that the expensive creams didn't work as advertised.

    As for the bathroom, I avoid my son's as much as I can but there comes a point. It's in the basement, as place I don't spend a lot of time in. But the laundry room is next to it so I can't avoid it forever. I did convince him to vacuum his bedroom and counted that as win!

  8. lol I've had less rashes and breakouts once my face got used to not having make up on every day. I went to work one day last week and put make up on. When I went to the restroom I started myself when I looked in the mirror and my eyes had eyeliner on them.

  9. You forgot to say:

    No animals were harmed in the creation of this post about cosmetic products - at least not small, furry, nonverbal animals.

    The following is not true:

    If a rejuvenating cream costs x and provides X benefit, then a rejuvenating cream that costs 2x will provide 2X benefit.

    The product that costs 2x is for the person who doesn't notice the difference in cost between x and 2x, not for the person who can notice the difference between X benefit and maybe a little better than X benefit after 30 days.

    Happy Birthday

  10. AnonymousJune 22, 2020

    “It’s science!” That made me laugh so hard. I love that you had the self control to do a, well, control on your, well, self. I’ve been arguing with my skin for a while & have used some incredibly pricey cra—stuff with miracle promising ingredients. I quit the potions when the shutdowns began. My skin has never looked better. It forking glows. Oh the humanity.

  11. I find myself impressed to even use the products I purchase, but YOU are amazing, conducting a science experiment with a control "group" and everything! What a disappointment to not have noticeable results. Maybe we had to start using these products before everything began going south? *sigh*


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