As The Food Turns: The Non-Blogging Friend Edition

Hey, did you know that if you Yahoo-search the question "how many days can an open jar of Tostitos brand salsa be kept in the refrigerator?"...

This post tops the list?

Honored. I am honored, I tell you. And I certainly hope that the reader who arrived at my humble blog after asking that question was frightened into cleaning out her fridge, lest she end up with condiment overload also.

You know, I really like that post. It sums up my housekeeping issues very nicely.

But it also made me realize that we are overdue here, people. It's time.

First, I'd like to present our Holiday Collection: the cut celery sticks (top) are from New Year's Day, the potroast and carrots (do not enlarge, you will be sorry) are from Christmas (not typical Noel fare, but we were celebrating Chanukah late - long story); and the vegetable stock? Hails all the way from Thanksgiving.

I know, I know - sometimes I just outdo myself.




The other food-poisoning contestants:

1. In the metal pot, some leftover matzo ball soup (homemade!) that I cooked a couple of weeks ago for comfort food. It worked; but now all the matzo balls are gone, so what's the point?
   
2. Hmmm....I don't know what is in the top round dish in the center. Any guesses?
3. Green beans - no need to explain why these weren't gobbled up, right?
4. Extra rice - we always seem to have extra rice. Why? Discuss.
5. 2 open bags of baby carrots - they sneaked into the picture when I wasn't looking. They haven't gone bad yet. YET. They know they're doomed.
   

The container of mayo you see to the right? Is how I know that my best friend doesn't really read my blog. You see, shortly after the condiment overload post referenced above, this friend came by my house with this jar of mayonnaise. "Here," she said. "I figured you could use it."

(Me, confused) "What?"

"Take it," she said. "My husband got one of those huge jars at Costco and I knew we couldn't finish it in time, so I put some in a smaller jar to give to you."

"You're kidding me, right? This is a joke?"

"No. Why?"

Talk about bringing coals to Newcastle...

Fat Is Funny

I have no idea if I'm allowed to post this strip, but the third frame? To get the full effect, say it out loud. I was telling Larry about it and I laughed until I cried.

"Everything makes you look fat."

It kills me.

And poor Larry, he didn't know what to do.

1. Laugh with me and risk appearing to identify with the sentiment?
2. Say, "That doesn't even make sense!" in a desperate effort to distance himself from any conjugal conversation with the word "fat" in it?
   
3. Just sit there and smile uncertainly?

He picked option #3. That man knows when he's in dangerous waters (no pun intended).

No Time For Titles

First, a correction - Friday I claimed that Ree had over 400 comments already! 400! As in, a very big number! Ann in NJ, as first commenter, gently informed me that somehow that number had jumped to, uh, 24000 in the 15 minutes since I had posted this information. Seems that it was 400 comments on just the first page that I had noticed. I didn't even know it was possible to have more than one page of comments. Jenn tells us that the final total was over 25000. Meaning that Ree owed over $2500 dollars to charity....rather than the 40 dollars that I had so uncleverly calculated.


Second, RobinH, taking pity on my lack of pixels and computer ignorance in general, sent me a corrected version of the delurking badge (over there to your right). She claimed that she just happened to have some extra pixels lying around and didn't mind sharing them.


So, for those of you keeping count, that is 2 commenters gently humoring my total technological ineptitude. The blogosphere is a very kind place, if you ask me - my teeny-tiny corner of it, anyway...

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I've got a fridge post coming - it features my Holiday Collection. What? The holidays are over? No wonder that stuff doesn't look edible. 3-week-old pot roast, anyone?

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It's almost Monday - I'm going to post this instead of waiting for the funny to come up and hit me in the face. I don't think it is gonna show tonight. You can always check out Sue instead. She's got a lock on funny.

7 Quick Takes: The Unnumbered Edition

Until noon today, Ree at The Pioneer Woman is donating $.10 for every comment she receives on a post where she is giving away two $500 donations to the Haitian-related charity of the winner’s choice. Let's see...if I donated 10 cents for every comment I receive....hmmmm......that would come to about 2 dollars. With Ree, however, it's real money - I think she has 400 commenters already. So get on over there and earn your dime, will ya?

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That's right - I've given up on the numbered list. It was maxing me out, technologically speaking.

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I think Tuesday was delurking day, but most of us forgot it - what with earthquakes in Haiti and all. So let's delurk today, shall we? If you don't usually comment, just say hi! I'd love to know who bothers reading this silly little blog. Supposedly 420 people have me on their Google Reader - I only know about 30 of you.

And, yes, I know I have the wrong year on the logo. When you steal stuff, it doesn't always fit. And if I can't handle a numbered list, I sure can't handle designing my own Delurking Day button. It probably requires pixels or something.

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The Little Blog That Could - good idea for a children's book? Discuss.

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The problem with not having a numbered list is that I have no idea what number I am on. Excuse me while I check...

5. This is number 5. I had to count twice, because I lost track the first time. That worries me. I used to be good at math.

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I've figured out how to irritate Larry out in January. I just whisper sweet nothings into his ear, words like "FAFSA" and "taxes." It's fascinating watching his neck veins bulge out like that. I guess Larry doesn't consider complicated financial forms sexy.

Me? I'm just trying to count to 7 here.

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You know, #1 up there won't be very useful if I don't manage to post this before noon. So it's time to say good-bye for now. I'm so glad we've had this time together...






Warning: Do not search "Carol Burnett" on YouTube - you will be sucked into the wayback machine and waste a good 2 hours laughing at Tim Conway and Harvey Korman, wondering just what was up with men's fashion in the 70's, and trying to explain to your kids why the drapery rod in "Went With The Wind" is so darn funny.




[Make sure to visit the real 7 Quick Takes at Jen's place. Jen is too young to make you listen to stories about variety shows from the 70's, thank goodness.]

Calling All Knitters!

What?  You don't know what that is?  It's the knit-signal, alerting all the knitters of Gotham City (and the blogosphere) that help is needed.  That little bit of money you've been squirreling away for your next yarn purchase?  The latest BlogHer check that you haven't cashed yet while you decide which size circulars you need to purchase?  The loose change on your husband's dresser he'll never miss that you had planned to spend on a little something at Michael's to tide you over?

It's needed.  In Haiti.  Right now.  That's right, Knitters Without Borders has been reactivated by the esteemed Yarn Harlot in order to assist Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors Without Borders, you non-French-speaking rubes) in helping the Haitians cope with the devastation that has been wrought upon their island.

The knit-signal has been activated!  Go to Stephanie's page to learn how to help.  Or go directly to the Doctors Without Borders donation page.  Let's show the world what knitters can do.

[Oh, and you non-knitters?  You're welcome to donate, too.  Heck, you must have lots of extra money lying around if you're not spending it at Knitpicks or Webs like the rest of us...]