Thursday, June 19, 2008

How Sharper Than A Serpent's Tooth...

A migraine day today, and I didn't realize it soon enough to take my wonderful drugs; I feared being up all night if I took the megadose of caffeine in the late afternoon. In retrospect, that was stupid reasoning; but migraines make my brain foggy. So I didn't get much done today except to sit around and wonder whether we have to worry about Tootsie Farklepants taking over the world. She added her hilarious 2 cents to the bra discussion and then sent (sent? nay, she ordered) her many loyal readers over here to check out my advice as well. Back atcha, baby!

I don't know what that last sentence meant. It sounded right, though.

I was conscious enough, despite the migraine-fogginess, to be aware of intercepting death glares at regular intervals today. You see, I made the mistake of being kind and loving on Sunday evening and reassuring Anna that she could indeed get her schoolwork done (albeit badly) in time to go to work camp next week. She took me at my word and has been blazing through her assignments like a house afire. Atta girl! Don't give up! Never say die!

You would think she would be grateful for my encouragement, right? Ah, but no! You have forgotten what it is to dwell in that strange space known as the mind of a teen girl. (And, believe me, that forgetting? It is a good thing.) Anna is angry at me because I can't help her with her school work fast enough (in fact, I managed to doze off on the couch in the middle of helping Anna with her geometry today, while Susie climbed all over me - it felt sort of good, like a cheap-o massage), and she is in a rush, gosh darn it, which certainly isn't her fault (oddly enough, nothing is); and what was I thinking scheduling a dental appointment (several weeks ago) for this Thursday anyway?

I don't know what I expected. Some grateful tears, maybe? A "Thank you, Mommy, for not giving up on me..." We all have our fantasies, don't we? Granted, mine are perhaps a tad more unrealistic than other people's. But that's because reality is for people who don't have to deal with a self-absorbed teenager.

Anna is also annoyed that I am planning to show up (with younger siblings in tow) at the farewell dinner for the workcampers on Saturday. Families were invited, of course. And, its happening to be my birthday, the timing couldn't be better. No cooking or clean-up to worry about - now that's a party! I think I'll have us all wear funny birthday hats and bring some of those silly noisemakers you hand out at kids' parties. Anna will like that.

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27 comments:

  1. How typical. And as far as showing up at workcamp with the family? I bet if you didn't and all the other families showed up (as you know they will), she'd be mad at you for not being like everyone else. Face it, Mom. For some time now, you just won't be able to get anything right!

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  2. I think the backatcha baby paired very well with the atta girl.

    The nerve of you not helping her at warp speed. Really, I am eyerolling now just thinking of it.

    I think you should mention to the camp director it is your birthday and make sure everyone at camp sings to you...maybe even bring a few balloons from home. SHE will REALLY like that.

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  3. Do it. And don't introduce yourself as Suburban Correspondent, introduce yourself as Anna's mom.

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  4. Nay, not only the party hats, but t-shirts emblazoned with the logo: "ANNA'S FAMILY." Better yet, invite Tootsie.

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  5. Hope you feel better today. I think you should have t-shirts made up for all the kids to wear on Saturday that say something like "My mom's birthday is today!!!" Make sure you pack Anna's for her, she wouldn't want to miss it.
    (((Hugs))) Hopefully someday she'll have teenage daughters too.

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  6. T-shirts! An excellent idea! I wonder if I can order some on very short notice? And balloons! Y'all know how to party!

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  7. Poor Anna. Her mother is soooooo mean. Well so am I. My youngest stomped off to her room after I told her no, I was not going to allow her to go have a three day sleepover with three other boys and two girls at the house of a friend that she graduated eight grade with…that now lives in another state. I know, I am completely unreasonable, why wouldn’t a three day multi gender house party with high school freshman be a swell idea? What get’s me is that there are apparently five other complete sets of parents are not uncomfortable with the idea. Huh?????

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  8. Great!! So this is what I have to look forward too? My daughter is only 7 and she acts like this sometimes already!

    And I agree with the T-shirt idea - sounds like something I would do to my kids.

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  9. I tried to ruin my daughter's life by suggesting that people whose 101 degree temps JUST broke should not be going to beach parties at night. The sheer idiocy of me!

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  10. T shirts are a brilliant idea.
    Oh the energy spent making our children not ashamed and moderately happy...

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  11. How dare you still insist she finish her school work? What nerve. Don't you know she has friends to text, parents to ignore and siblings to make fun of? Humphf.
    I feel sorry for you. Very, very sorry. I am at the end of my teen kids and you my dear, you are just beginning this journey. You have many scuzzy looks, rude words and hurt feelings to deal with coming up. I get to nuzzle grand babies. But in your envy, don't forget, I paid for it!

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  12. Jo, was that supposed to be encouraging?

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  13. I was also going to suggest t shirts with "Anna's Family" written on them. Make them florescent colors with sparkly lettering. Maybe you could even get a few big fluffy feather boas and some rhinestone covered sun glasses to match.
    Also, you should sing. And dance. You could create an entire musical number in honor of your daughter! I think she would love it!

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  14. AnonymousJune 19, 2008

    Yes, the idea of boldly inscribed birthday t-shirts is a good one, but how about showing up in your BIRTHDAY SUITS!!! Yep, that's a keeper. Please post photos ;-)

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  15. I had just recovered from all the bra speak when Tootsie had to open her pie hole and *bam* I spiraled right back into it. Dang bras.

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  16. It just doesn't seem fair. A migraine and dealing with a teen girl. But, then there is the workers camp revenge plan! Glad you are in on it!

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  17. I hope your migraine has abated. Those are awful.

    Is it bad that I've fallen asleep during homework, too? Even without a migraine?

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  18. AnonymousJune 19, 2008

    I love the T-shirt idea. Also, make sure you introduce yourself as her mother to ALL the boys and their families. That way you can be cursed both for having noticed the unnoticeable as well as embarrassing her with all the attractive ones.

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  19. Some day, she'll thank you.
    Someday.

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  20. This morning my middle son read in his devotional that complaining is the direct opposite to gratitude. We discussed this a while and he seemed to get it. Then, wouldn't you know that he went on to have the "complainiest" day on record??!! Go figure. (I am an English major and am therefore allowed to make up words!)

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  21. I love coming here. It's so refreshing with all the teenage girl drama going on. Today was one of those fun teenage drama days in our house and I needed to know that I wasn't really the worst parent on planet Earth.

    I'm not saying you are, by the way. I mean that I'm simply a mom of a teen, not a horrible monster-mom.

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  22. That Anna. Can't she just be nice to you. Hey, my birthday is on Sunday. Happy birthday! Have a good one.

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  23. She wants you to come...she just won't admit it. Or maybe she dosn't. I don't know.. teenagers scare me.

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  24. Arrrggghh...teens. You know I know what you're going through. The best part, though, is that she isn't going to spoil your birthday.

    And someday? She IS going to thank you. I mean, maybe 20 years from now.

    Hey, how about wearing tshirts with a naked baby picture of her on them?

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  25. "You had me at hello" Uh no, you had me at "self-absorbed teenager." I am selling one RIGHT NOW. Deep discount. Hell I'll pay you to take her. Someone tell me what happened to the fun, wonderful, beautiful teenage daughter I took out shopping earlier tonight who helped me pick out work clothes and went grocery shopping and swapped her with the witchy, whiny thing in currently reading in the next room after cursing us all and slamming every door in sight???!!!

    I feel you...

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  26. Since your birthday post won't let me leave a comment, I will leave it here. Happy Birthday to you! And I am so glad you were able to have some fun for it.My birthday wish for you: Hope this year brings you at least one dream come true.

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  27. I can't comment on the Saturday post (or see the video), so I'll just wish you a Happy Birthday! here.

    Just before Grown-up Girl returned home after her visit this week she asked, "Does Social Butterfly even live her anymore?" Apparently not.

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