Well, when I can spare time from my busy schedule of blogging and avoiding housework, I have been perusing careerbuilder.com and monster.com for gainful employment. What I have discovered is, despite having had a real job requiring real skills for the past 4 years, I am still not remotely qualified for any of the positions in my field that are posted on those sites. You see, a typical job announcement reads as follows:
Requirements: the ability to produce an entire magazine (including but not limited to brainstorming innovative, Pulitzer-worthy article topics; producing fresh content daily for magazine website and its Twitter/Facebook/Pinterest/Vine accounts; overseeing production of print layouts and web graphics), while directing a team of people to help you do same. Minimum 100 years experience doing similar work needed. Working familiarity with every single computer program known to man required.
|Yes, something like that...|
Also? If you foolishly upload your resume to one of these websites (in order to apply for a job for which you are not even qualified), you will receive phone calls and emails from EVERY SINGLE INSURANCE COMPANY IN EXISTENCE, offering you a marketing position. Even though you are not looking for a sales job - no, not one bit.
The worst part is, I know I'm needed out there, people. Just look - on Tuesday, The New York Times (the gold standard so far as quality journalism is concerned) published this headline:
Three Men, Three Ages. Who Do You Like?*
As far as I'm concerned, that is a blatant cry for help. Who is writing their headlines, anyway? Honest Toddler?
*Three Men, Three Ages: Whom Do You Like? You're welcome, NYT. Call me.
[image credit: EagleiOnline]