The Idiot's Guide to Life

Sue requested that we regale her with tales of idiotic things we have done (as if my tale of mistaken identity weren't enough). She wants reassurance that she isn't the only one going through life half-assed and backwards. So here you go, Sue...

I went to pick up Theo at his job last night (he's a cashier at a local supermarket)(the same supermarket, in fact, where I am infamous for line-cutting); and while I was waiting for him to finish his shift, I noticed that the store had some very pretty cotton tea towels (red) drastically reduced ($1.94 for 2!). Ever the bargain hunter, I picked up 3 packs of 2 and headed for the self-scan registers. But the towels were scanning in for 2 dollars higher than advertised. Never one to be a shrinking violet, I summoned the cashier, who called a customer service rep over. I dragged this unfortunate gentleman to the other end of the store (all the while tying up the register) to show him the real price. He agreed, and then he had to fetch another customer service person to override the wrong price and enter the new one. And they even gave me one pack of tea towels free!

Now wouldn't it have been nice if, after inconveniencing no less than three (count them, three) store employees, I actually had the money to pay for my purchase? But it was at this point I discovered that I had left my credit card at home by the computer. And there were only 34 lonely cents in my purse.

So I had to ask the nice cashier if she could void the purchase. And hang onto my stuff until I could come back with my card. I considered just taking the one free pack of tea towels and calling it a night, but I thought that would be too tacky. I have to hand it to that woman - she didn't start whacking me over the head with her scanning gun. Because I know that's what I would have done if I had been in her place.

Feel better, Sue? I thought so...

Mistakes Have Been Made

I think the kids got into my blog. Date-time stamps awry, juvenile brassiere humor, tell-all tales of my inability to recognize my own children....yeah, I think I'll blame the kids, all right.

Guess what? Father's Day happened a couple of days ago. I'm telling you that in case you live under a rock and missed the outpouring of love and affection for fathers and husbands that was going on all over the blogosphere. And what did I post about on Sunday? Naked knitting....I'm so embarrassed...

But we did celebrate here. The gift I ordered for Larry didn't show up in time (and I can't even say what it is, since he might read my blog for once and find out); so there I was in Target at 9 PM Saturday with the rest of the gift-giving losers trying to find a card and some reasonable facsimile of a Father's Day present. I ended up buying him a bag of Hershey's kisses (cherry-filled) and a cellphone charger for the car.

This isn't the first time that my holiday shopping abilities have proven to be markedly deficient.

What bothers me is that my birthday is coming up on Saturday; and with this gift-giving debacle fresh in Larry's mind, I'm not expecting much. Maybe I should just eat his candy now and be done with it.

It's funny, you know, as a parent, that something that seems like an excellent idea in April can really come back to bite you in June. Something, say, like informing your teen daughter that she needs to finish her freshman year schoolwork before the last week of June, or she won't be attending the high school work camp with her youth group as she had planned. You know, the work camp that is like a week-long slumber party, with fun activities in the evening and a mid-week visit to a fantastic water park....

Light a fire under her, I thought. Give her some incentive!

So, now? I am faced with the prospect of a very unhappy young woman sitting home all next week with her least favorite person in the world (um, that would be me) and her ferociously hated siblings while her father and older brother go off to have a fun time with all the other kids. I was getting chest pains last night just thinking about it. Woo hoo! Happy Birthday to me! Anyone need a mother with 4 kids in tow to visit next week?