Outsmarted

I had just settled in on the couch last night for a cozy evening with Words With Friends (because we middle-aged folks are all about the exciting life here), when I spotted a mouse wander nonchalantly into my living room.  Seriously, he was all, "Hey, what's up, guys?" until my screams sent him scurrying back into the kitchen as fast as his little mouse feet could carry him.

Larry came running downstairs with an empty laundry basket ("I thought it was a bat," he explained, because apparently my spouse is nothing if not a one-man rodent SWAT team); so I left Larry looking for the creature and went to bed early.  He came upstairs a short time later.

"Did you find him?" I asked.

"No. But I set 4 mousetraps,' he said, with the resoluteness of an astronaut just back from a tricky spacewalk. "We'll get'm."

My hero.  I mean, that's downright sexy, isn't it?

I've got this, honey.

Naturally, I let Larry go downstairs first this morning, while I procrastinated as long as I could by showering, doing my hair, etc.  When I did come down, I found my beloved sitting in the living room armchair, sipping his coffee and gazing out at the birdfeeder, looking for all the world like a carefree homeowner whose life is not plagued by a perpetual parade of vermin through his personal castle.

"So, did the traps work?" I asked, full of a hope apparently bestowed on me by a good night's rest and the brightness of the morning sun.

"Well, I'm not sure," said Larry.

Picture me here, figuratively grabbing him by his non-existent lapels while shouting, "What? What do you mean, not sure?"

"Well," and here Larry paused for altogether too long a time, "there's one trap missing."

Missing. Missing.

March is a good time of year to sell a house, right?

In Which I Live Another Day

Okay, this cold is officially beating me.  Forget those March resolutions to take walks and do core exercises, I'm winded just from walking up the stairs.  To make it worse, I'll get these brief bursts of energy and think that I am capable, say, of shoveling the front walk, only to crawl back inside after 15 minutes and lie on the couch for an hour.  Fun.

And, yes, I AM aware that this is the third day in a row of complaining about my tiny little cold. That's because this is the third day in a row of its kicking my butt.  And, lest you are getting the impression that the only person I think about lately is my own self, I'll have you know I shared the remains of my homemade matzo ball soup with a neighbor who is getting over the flu.  I'm a gosh-darned saint, I tell you, feeding the sick with my own dying hands.

I bought these, too.  We're besties right now.

I drove to the grocery store today, because we had 6 ripe avocados and NO GARLIC, and - as I am sure you know - ripe avocados wait for no man.  The roads and parking lots were horrendous. Slush 6 inches deep, puddles even deeper...it's a miracle I got back home to my starving children and their almost-guacamole.

I just found out that the time change is coming up this weekend. Lord help us, how are we supposed to spring forward when we are being deprived of an hour's sleep?  It's more like stagger forward, around here. The only thing good about moving the clocks is the fun Daylight Savings Time video I posted on this blog's Facebook page. Check it out. And, if it doesn't go against any Facebook principles you may hold dear, click to "Like" the page, so you don't miss anything.  I mean, because it is just so happenin' over there...


[Kleenex image: The Tissue Box Cover Store]

Snow!

It's snowing here, enough for the local schools to close down. There are 4 teens in my dining room, playing Texas Hold 'Em. There are 5 more kids in the kitchen, making hamantaschen, drinking hot cocoa, and eating popcorn. Last I checked, I only birthed 6 kids, and 2 of those don't even live here anymore.  So...where does that leave me?  5 extra kids?  I can't figure it out.

Me? I'm experiencing the miserable part of my cold, sitting on the couch, hugging my box of Kleenex, and sucking on Ricola throat drops.  Very attractive.  Larry is sitting opposite me, trying to pretend that I still look like the girl he married while he messes around with his new Internet radio.  He has tried to explain this device to me, but every time he starts throwing around words like "Bluetooth capability" and "wireless speakers," I feel like that dog in the Far Side cartoon - you know, the one whose owner is talking and all the dog hears is "Blah, blah, blah, Ginger. Blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, Ginger!"

Woof.

That's all, folks.  It's a winter wonderland out there, and I hope it keeps up all day.  I also hope no one expects dinner, because I didn't plan any. Nada. Zilch.

Let them eat hamantaschen.

[Hamantaschen image: Temple Emanu-El]

Overcome By The Vapors

Down for the count here - just a minor cold/sore throat thing, but the type that makes one want a fainting couch and a maidservant to put cool compresses on one's forehead.  Also? The type of ailment that makes one speak of oneself in the third person, apparently.

Must. Stop. Now.

Medicinal, if you're not too sick to make it

So! Still no stomach ailment, thanks to our family talisman, so I'm grateful for that.  I skipped my core exercises this morning (see above, re fainting couch), but I'm dressed and showered, so I don't have to rock that homeless woman vibe while driving David to the bus for school. I can't picture eating anything green, though.  I made myself some homemade chicken soup yesterday (don't be too impressed, it was from the carcass of a Costco rotisserie chicken), but now I'm too tired to strain the broth and make the matzo balls.  If I had been a pioneer, I would have starved to death the first hard winter.

I don't like chicken soup without matzo balls.  It's a Jewish thing.


Here's the part where I post a fun video for everyone to watch, but I can't think of anything.  Someone send me something funny, all right?

[Updated to tell you that someone came through for me with a Buzzfeed video about Jewish food, which I shared on this blog's Facebook page.  Check it out!]




[Matzo ball image: Jew It Up]

Be It Hereby Resolved - March

I CANNOT BELIEVE that the slowest part of the year is already over.  As far as I'm concerned, we're about 3 days away from Christmas, the way time flies around here.

Remember February?  You know, when I was a full month younger and more optimistic and rashly resolved to go to bed at 11 (ish), do my 10 minutes of Kathy Smith core exercises each day (except yoga class days), and eat something green (that, uh, HASN'T gone bad) each day, also?

We aim high around here, don't we?

My new BFF

People, I ended up dubbing February the Month of the Costco Kale Salad.  I ate a lot of that stuff, folks. A LOT.  With buttered broccoli thrown in here and there, for variety.  I feel very healthy.  RIDICULOUSLY healthy. So I will try to keep that up for March.  Even though my jaw hurts from chewing.

 I slipped quite a bit on the bedtime thing this month, but I still got more sleep than when I wasn't aiming for 11 at all (meaning, I was no longer pretending that, hey, it's already midnight, so it won't make any difference if I go to bed at 1 or 1:30 or 2), so I'll try to keep that one up, also. And I missed only 3 days of Kathy Smith, which is way better than last year - last year, I told myself I was doing the exercises every day, but I was actually missing at least 15 days each month.

You know, I am noticing here that I have an amazing capacity for self deception.

Should I even add anything for March? Seriously, I can't think of anything else healthy to do.  I mean, anything reasonable...there's no way I am going to vow to start lifting weights or cleaning my house or anything.  I'm so over the housekeeping thing.  In fact, I'm just waiting until enough kids move out so that Larry and I can downsize to an easy-to-maintain 2-bedroom condo.  Think about it - no laundry room piled with stuff that belongs in a garage, no closets filled with paper-towel-tube airplanes, no basement that acts as a handy repository for ALL THE JUNK Larry doesn't want to get rid of...just 2 bedrooms and a den, enough space for me and my yarn (okay, and Larry, too), plus any grandkids that might want to visit.

But that isn't happening in March 2015 - I accept that.

I have been slacking off on my walks, so maybe I'll do an almost-mile walk every day, around the golf course near my house; and if I were to maybe break into a labored trot for small bits of it? Well, that would be an extra feather in my cap, as it were.

Walking - I can do that.  I think.