Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Parental Advisory

How To Know You May Have Too Many Kids

1. You haven't a clue what developmental milestone your youngest is at.
2. When you call the doctor to tell him that the toddler has croup, and he asks if she's ever had it before, you say, "I don't know, but somebody has."
3. You can't remember who hates which food.
4. You don't bother with logical consequences - a swat on the bottom works just as well.
5. You use candy as a motivational tool.
6. You see a book titled "Siblings Without Rivalry" and break into hysterical laughter in the bookstore. Your husband has to slap you to get you to stop.
7. Going to the grocery store alone counts as "me-time."
8. Birthday cake gets boring.
9. Your teenage daughter threatens to leave home, and you immediately start thinking what to do with the freed-up closet space.
10. You and your spouse are way too tired to fight. (See? Having lots of kids is good for a marriage.)

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48 comments:

  1. I've found that the perfect number of kids to have is one less than you actually do have.

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  2. I own SIBLINGS WITHOUT RIVALRY. I've even read it. Along with HOW TO REALLY LOVE YOUR CHILDREN, SURRENDERING TO MOTHERHOOD, MOTHER IN THE MIDDLE, UPBRINGING, TO TRAIN UP A CHILD, MAKING SENSE OF YOUR KIDS, THE POWER OF A PARENT'S WORDS, PARENTING ISN'T FOR COWARDS, A LITTLE CHILD SHALL LEAD THEM, GOD AND CHILDREN, TEENAGERS AND THEIR PROBLEMS, HOW TO REALLY LOVE YOUR TEENAGER, THE LARGE FAMILY A BLESSING AND A CURSE (er, I mean, "CHALLENGE"), ACHIEVING FAMILY TOGETHERNESS, WHAT I WISH YOU KNEW, HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, and RAISING A LARGE FAMILY...FOR ANYONE WITH THREE OR MORE CHILDREN.

    Three. That's the one that makes me laugh the hardest.

    I think you've just given me a post idea...

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  3. I only have two kids right now, and I felt unbelievably free as I went to Target by myself to finish buying Easter basket gifts for the kids. Yep, that counted as me time.

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  4. hmmmm. i have two kids and all these apply to me. maybe i should have stopped at none.

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  5. I hear ya, and I only have four.

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  6. Sometimes, if I'm really lucky, I can manage to meet a friend at Target in the evening, before the little Starbucks in the eating area closes. But that's on a really good day.

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  7. I guess I have to many kids.
    1 - I am always calling and asking moms of 1 child where are my kids on the developmental ladder
    2 - I have said that as well. And they ask who needs to be seen and I will look at the sick child and sometimes have to ask them which one they are. Ot the answer will be the little short boy that isnt the baby.
    3 - well I dont care who hates what. They eat whats on the plate or they go hungry.
    4 - yup
    5 - sometimes. Although due to Andres ability to sniff out candy like a drug sniffing dog, I usually dont keep candy in the house
    6 - that made me laugh just now
    7 - My husband caught onto that. He would try to go with me as well. I would prefer to go with the 7 kids by myself than for him to go too, because he is worse than all of the kids together. And I end up with crazy food that no one will eat when I get home. I mean none of us will eat tripe, pigs feet, and other stuff like that. And when he goes somehow I end up with about $50 of odd meat like products that make me want to vomit.
    8 - thats when the crazy stuff begins. Like making a cake out of ice cream - putting icecream in a cake mold. Make a pie and call it a special birthday pie. Same with cookies. Then go to the this is your special birthday dinner of chicken nuggets. make sure you blow out the candle because candle wax on nuggets itsnt so yummy.
    9 - I offer to help them pack
    10 - well I am never to tired to fight, I enjoy a good arguement - its a great stress reliever in this household.

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  8. LOL, boy have I been agreeing with this, especially lately! I was just thinking, "maybe I would be less stressed with two"---unfortunately, the youngest is my easiest and they get more difficult from there.

    And, yeah, "me time" is hiring a babysitter to come by once a week so I can grocery shop in peace.

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  9. I have to admit, grocery shopping is my metime also. How come the youngest is also the only one without a baby book?

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  10. I loved "the grocery store as me time" line. Because, honestly? I love grocery shopping. I rarely get to do it without the kids anymore, but I would happily spend a couple of hours at Super Target by myself if given the chance.

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  11. How about when you start using the herd mentality on them?

    Like the times you pit the older ones against the younger ones in an attempt to use "peer pressure" to make them behave better. ("If anyone screams during dinner, there will be NO DESSERT FOR ANYONE!!")

    Or better yet, getting the older ones to raise the younger ones? Oh, but that's good for them -- they'll need fewer lectures on birth control...

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  12. I have one child. I have no idea if she's at, behind, or ahead of milestones. I use candy, and TV, and empty threats. I love going to the grocery store alone. I love going anywhere along. And spouse and I? Way too tired for anything.

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  13. magpie - Well, maybe you've reached your limit already...

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  14. I'm at #9 right now. My teen wants to move out the second she turns 18. I've already planned what color I'm repainting her room.

    www.angelawd.com

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  15. Oh my gosh, I only have 4 and I could relate to almost everything on this list.

    I love your blog!

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  16. Superfun list to read. Love it. Love all the comments here from the over-childed experts as well.

    KEEP BELIEVING

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  17. I could just type Yep ten times, and you'd know that all of these apply to me. And I only have two kids. #9 was great.

    And, I've even used candy to motivate myself.

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  18. If I ever get to go to the bathroom by myself, I consider that my "alone time"

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  19. I think #1 happens on any child past the first. Of course, I could just be exhausted.

    I'm with you on the shopping alone thing, too.

    Thanks for dropping by!

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  20. On a forum I frequent the other day we were discussing the validity of the old wives tale that boys have slower heart rates in utero. Everyone else knew what their kids heart rates had been. I don't even know how much mine weigh! Do I have too many? LOL

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  21. It's also a sad state when one of your kids is missing and you don't realize it for an hour.

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  22. I remember when going to the grocery store by myself was such a real treat. Now, of course, no one wants to go with me, and I miss it. I even throw in, "but it could be mother and son/daughter bonding time" to try to entice them. Or, "I'll let you pick out a box of junk cereal." They aren't having any part of it.

    I remember when the kids were younger and my husband asked what I'd like to do for Mother's Day. I told him I'd like to go to the garden center and pick out some plants. "Wouldn't you like us to come with you?", he said. Heck, I told him, I can do that anytime. I want to be able to pick stuff out in peace!

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  23. That was great, thankfully I am not there yet!

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  24. Yes, Yup, they all apply to me as well. So do these:
    * Never being able to call the child by their name until you have mistakenly called out half of their siblings names by mistake.
    * Having so many kid activity's scheduled that if they are not written on the calendar then you will automatically forget them.
    * You have to pause for a second or ten or twenty when the Dr.'s receptionist asks for the child's birthday.
    and
    * you are around your children so much that your only adult interaction is other mommy bloggers on the internet.

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  25. fawndear - Yes, I think that completes the list quite nicely!

    karen - Who told you I did that?!

    jennifer - I make things they hate anyway; but I just like to know ahead of time who is going to be crying all through dinner. It's confusing otherwise.

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  26. HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA.

    This sums up my life these days - and I only have four!

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  27. The first child you document every first. The second child you document the major milestones. By #9? He doesn't have an album, I can't remember how long he was and the only reason I remember his birth is that he was my only c-section.

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  28. I only have three boys, but I can relate to ALL of them except #9 . . . no daughters!

    God bless!

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  29. I only have TWO kids and many of these apply!

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  30. Hel-looo? How'd you forget the last one:

    11. You wear Tigger shirts on date night...

    Hahaha! Great post!

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  31. hehehe those are great!

    I love going to the grocery store alone...sad, but true.

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  32. You always say everything I am thinking or say it exactly right.

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  33. Hmmm...I'm guilty of number seven. : )

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  34. So how many of those do I need to say "yes" to before I know I have too many children? There were a couple I wasn't up to yet... of course my oldest is 4, so moving out isn't something he's conceptualized yet, unless staying at Grandma and Grandpa's forever counts!

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  35. I so agree with the Grocery shopping counting as me time. I have 5 kids and running errands/grocery shopping on Saturday mornings without kids in tow actually makes my week. I even have a little dance as I walk to the car that my husband just laughs and shakes his head at. Thank you!

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  36. I like the, "you're too tired to fight." Sounds like I should have a third b/c I still have an ounce of energy left to stir up an argument.

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  37. hahaha -Dan is funny. I have half the kids you do and I am forever forgetting which one hates which food. They roll their eyes and say "MMMMMMOOOOOOMMMMMM, Little Red hates mustard, you do that ALL THE TIME, when are you going to remember?" Ummm, if it's going on 15 years and I still can't keep who hates mustard straight, odds are, I never will

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  38. That's all too true and too sad and too funny--all at the same time! Your post should be required reading for anyone considering parenthood--right up there alongside Mrs. G's advice on marriage!

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  39. Oops! I have too many kids. Every single one applied. Seriously, thanks for the laugh! When your body parts start shifting you know you went overboard too (See my last post). My mom says after 4 it's all the same amount of work-four, nine, doesn't matter, you are just swamped. I don't know if this is true since we jumped straight from 3 to 5.

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  40. If you get tired of birthday cake, you DO have too many kids.

    Thanks for the laugh. Who doesn't want more closet space?

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  41. My question for you is:

    At which point did you realize you had too many? My husband really wants a third and I have my suspicions that three might just be too many for me!

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  42. I only have a measly two offspring - pathetic attempt - I know!
    I call mine by the wrong name, forget parents day, send them to school on the bus so that I get an extra hour of quiet (I tell everyone it's for green reasons - hah!).

    So there is a difference between having too many children - and just being braindead (which I suspect I am).
    x

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  43. I loved this! I only have four children, but I think I have done all of these things. LOL

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  44. Amen. I can't tell you how many times I've had to consult a baby book to remember who weighed what and what time they were born. Also? That's about all that is actually recorded in child#3's baby book.

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  45. Baby book? Lost track of baby books after our first child. Have ten here now and guilty of all points as charged...

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  46. Wow, read 3 hrs ago, just stopped laughing!!!
    I have five and can apply all items on the list to multiple children.

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