Hershey's Corporation, I want to have a word with you. You know, all the time those Belgium-loving dark chocolate snobs have been raving about the joys of high-priced, fancy European confections, the real Americans among us have refused to be swayed. We have continued buying your Hershey's with Almonds, your Almond Joys, your Reese's, all the while chanting, "U-S-A! U-S-A!" We trusted you, Hershey's; we knew that the chocolate company that had served our grandparents and our parents would know what was best for us, and best for our country...
And you repay our blind trust with this? Replacing the smooth creamy taste of cocoa butter with vegetable oil? How stupid do you think we are? Don't you think we realize there is a lot more at stake here than our own wallets? Do you think we want to see our children growing up and eating inferior chocolate? By then, you'll probably be outsourcing the chocolate production to China; and Lord knows what they'll be slipping into our Reese's.
Hershey's, it is becoming apparent how little respect you have for the intelligence of your constituency. Oh, you didn't believe we would notice you were cheating us, did you? You just tried to keep us busy waving our pro-American-chocolate flags while you laughed all the way to the bank.
[But, look! What's this? The bank is closed. Because - whaddaya know! - those people were hypocrites, too, talking about how the business of America is business and how trickle-down economics benefits everyone and if we just kept shopping and buying homes and acting like good little consumers, everything would be all right. All while they turned our economy into one huge Ponzi scheme...way to go, big guys!]
You know what? Some of us are getting tired of having our patriotism thrown in our faces just to blind us to unacceptable chocolate manufacturing practices. Hershey's - stop taking advantage of our brand loyalty and give us our real chocolate back. It's a matter of trust.
And remember - Halloween is coming...