Saturday, September 13, 2008

The H Doesn't Stand For Healthy

In keeping with their plan to make my life go by at an ever increasing pace, my children are already talking about Halloween. Discussions about who is going to wear what costume, and what candy we should hand out, and how much candy they can keep have been rampant; and they take great pains to remind me of candy's importance to the holiday, probably because of the trauma I inflicted upon them about 10 Halloweens ago.


You see, that was the year I decided that home-baked whole-grain carrot muffins (in attractive Halloween-themed muffin papers) would be an excellent, homey addition to our nocturnal visitors' treat bags. So I baked ninety of them. Yup - ninety - I had the zeal of a crusader back then, bringing healthy holiday treats to the masses.


Now Larry, as you all probably know by now, is a wise man who knows better than to argue with his wife when she is on a mission. So when he spotted the bowl of attractively displayed muffins by the front door, he didn't say anything; but he headed out to the neighborhood grocery store. Returning with several bags of candy which he placed next to our healthy Halloween treats, he assured me, "These are just in case you, um, run out of muffins."


He had a good time that night, I remember. Every time kids came to our door and plunged their greedy little hands into those candy bags, he'd ask, "But don't you want a muffin?" They'd pause, startled, glance at the muffins, and decline. Many of them rolled their eyes. A few laughed derisively.


So, I get it now, all right? Nothing healthy. Heck, Halloween night, I don't even bother making dinner. Who would I be kidding? We eat candy all day, actually; like good athletes, we train for the big event.


Oh, and speaking of Halloween trauma - whoever at Michael's decided it was a great idea to put talking statues of a headless bride (what's up with that, anyway?) and a vampire near the front entrance to scare the bejebus out of my Susie? Thanks a whole lot! I don't know who you think your customer base is; but common sense might tell you that the people buying all those Foamies and sidewalk chalk and craft sticks just might be moms with young children - you know, young, as in unable to tell whether that scary thing at the entrance is real or not. Young, as in capable of screaming in terror the entire time their mother keeps them in the store. Young, as in innocent enough to be scarred for life by your stupid Halloween display that you think is a laugh riot.


Just needed to get that off my chest...





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36 comments:

  1. Halloween scares the bejebus out me sometimes, too. Mostly because I have to deal with the kids on sugar overload.

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  2. At least you didn't give out toothbrushes like some guy in my old neighborhood did.

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  3. We get only a few trick or treaters. How many? We buy a case of 30 or 36 candy bars from costco, usually an assortment or hersheys or m&m mars. We have at least 10 bars left, usually more.

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  4. We get only a few trick or treaters. How many? We buy a case of 30 or 36 candy bars from costco, usually an assortment of hersheys or m&m mars. We have at least 10 bars left, usually more.

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  5. oh, the humanity. we are already discussing costumes as well. oddly, they don't worry about the candy until we buy it the day before.

    then we all make ourselves sick sick sick.

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  6. Yes, I rolled my eyes the other day as I walked by the costume aisle at Wal-Mart. Halloween was my favorite holiday as a child, my least favorite as an adult.

    And lest we forget that Halloween is the gateway to all the other holidays of the season, the warehouse store I shop at had their Halloween AND Christmas stuff up a month ago. A MONTH AGO!! Just a little bit ridiculous.

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  7. I can just picture it.

    I hope you were able to freeze the muffins.

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  8. Great post and all. But you changed your font. I thought you'd want to know that someone noticed.

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  9. Oh for criminy's sake! That's rediculous. I hate the incessant noise clutter in all the stores from September to December. Call Michael's corporate and tell them the store location and that you won't be back in the store till February because they TRAUMATIZED your child! (it inserts fear of litigation) I can tell you that within 48 hours, no store in the chain will have the scary crap by the door by decree of corporate mandate. I don't step foot in Michael's for other reasons, I'll drive farther away to a JoAnn or Hobby Lobby, or locally owned craft store.

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  10. mmmm. have you got any muffins left?

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  11. Aren't kids not supposed to take homebaked items anyway? The powers that be have been scaring the bejesus out of kids since I was about five, when we had to take our loot to the fire station to be x-rayed for razor blades.

    But anyway. My kids love holidays. It's the only time they get candy. They think they're "lucky" because I occasionally share some Twizzlers for no good reason except I wanted some. I won't let them have lollipops because I think candy on a stick is a bad idea for crazy little boys who don't stay still. Yep, I'm That Mom.

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  12. Oye! Halloween? I guess I should have seen it coming...

    The Boy started with his "fear of the dark" around this time last year, so greed battled with fear all Halloween night. Let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. ;)

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  13. So... what did you do with all the muffins? Compost?

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  14. I'm laughing so hard that some of my eight ingested cups of coffee just urped up a little in my throat---still giggling--hee heee hheee!

    And, yeah, the terrifying Halloween display thingy--what demographic are they hitting? If I need to be woken up in the middle of the night by a screaming child who is still recovering from the robotic mummy thingy that made a grab for her at the craft store, I'll just go to Goths-R-Us, thank you very much...

    Blessings!

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  15. I have had to make RULES in my house about how early the children are allowed to discuss something, because otherwise they start planning a birthday party a week after they just finished one.

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  16. I give out little playdo cups and spider rings and things like that as much as I can instead of candy. I also try to make something with real food in it but kid friendly like tacos or burritos or something to be ready right after school so they will fill up on some real food before the sugarfest begins. Sometimes that works.

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  17. My favorite houses are the ones who give out toothbrushes for Halloween. ALWAYS makes me laugh. It's like using a water gun to put out a California wildfire.

    And hey -- I've seen scary displays in Target, too. The candy bowl that has a mechanical hand in it that sense motion and will grab you if you try to take a piece of candy? It took me five minutes to calm Connor down last year. (Of course, I was giggling the whole time. But I'm evil like that.)

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  18. My boys start planning their next Halloween costumes on November 1st-it's a big deal around here. But the rule is nothing scary. Right now we're debating if skeletons are considered scary or just anatomical.

    I, too am perplexed that Michael's puts such horrific, life-sized Halloween displays right next to their warm, harvest-themed decorations. My three year old ran right for the decapitated bride's head and hugged it while the older two boys stopped dead in their tracks, partly in fear and partly in utter awe. Yeah, Michael's needs to rethink their displays big time.

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  19. Last Halloween one of the kids down the street decided it would be funny to hide next to his porch and jump out at the little kids, dressed as a monster.

    My children did not think this was funny. I did not think this was funny. My five year old was hysterical for a good ten minutes.

    ARG.

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  20. Ha ha! This reminds me of the time my younger sister and I went trick-or-treating when she was about 3 years old. We went to our neighbor who is a dentist, and he was giving out pencils instead of candy.

    My smart little sis said, "what do they think we are? Termites?!?"

    Pretty good for a 3 year old, huh?

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  21. I give out stickers and toys from Oriental Trading Co. Yes, I might be the neighborhood jerk, but as a possible 3rd generation diabetic, I just don't feel right about giving out candy.

    The people giving out toothbrushes are usually dentists.

    And my 3-year-old daughter also loved the creepy bride--she loves the scary things and kept wanting to go back to that aisle over and over.

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  22. Um, I live in Australia and we don't really do Halloween here (although it is starting to catch on a bit, just like cheerleading - not sure which is more scary, really) BUT I am pretty sure it isn't until the end of October??? Do you really need a 6-week run-up to it?

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  23. I live in Australia and we don't really do Halloween here (although it is starting to catch on in recent years, as is cheerleading - not sure which is more scary!) but it's not until the END of October isn't it? Do you really need a 6-week retail run-up to it??

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  24. Of course not. But that is what happens. I can't really blame the kids, all the stores have been filled with Halloween decorations, costumes, and candy since the beginning of September. Really, you have no idea...

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  25. Bless Larry's heart for knowing the little ghosts and goblins would eat you alive for handing out healthy treats. Some other blog I saw this weekend (and I really wish I could remember which bc it was cute) had a picture of her neighbors house already decked out for Halloween! It's just waaaaay too early for me!

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  26. And even funnier, if my kids would have brought home a muffin, I would have been all - oh, throw that away. We don't know who cooked that and homemade treats are the ones where psychos hide razorblades and needles and bit of chopped up fingers.

    And, yes, seems EVERY store, including hardware stores and Grocery stores are in on the Halloween merchandising which gets gorier and scarier every year. And I think, WHO has the storage space for a full sized Frankenstein's monster for 11 out of 12 months a year?

    KEEP BELIEVING

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  27. Yep, we're discussing it here too. BUT I need the time to get organized. No decorations up in my 'hood yet, it's forbidden until October 1st.

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  28. The retailers feel the need to do this rediculous stuff so that you can't find a notebook during the first week of school, a bathing suit in August, or Halloween candy after October 15th...the are on to the "next" season by then. Crazy.
    Halloween is now, I think, the second largest retail holiday of the year. Now that no one expects people to "grow up" some when they reach 18 or 19...everyone loves to market to the scarefest. Even DISNEY has Mickey's Not So Scarey Hallowen party...and every destination advertises their "ghost tours"...ugh.
    Im one of the really crazy moms who dress the kids up as Saints ( All Hallows...being All Saints) Last year my Scooter was Saint Joan of Arc, Tilly was St Elizabeth of Hungary and Snorkie was Saint Francis of Assisi.
    We also give out full sized candy...usually wrapped up with the Saint Michael the Archangel prayer! Ha!

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  29. I can't even take my little ones to the store for the whole month of October! Now it's bleeding into September and August, isn't it?

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  30. HAHA! I was about to say,
    "tell me how you really feel," then noticed that the previous post was entitled that!!
    Your hubby is a smart man indeed, and that was NOT cool of Michael's to put that headless bride in the door way. Poor Suzie.

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  31. Oh, I can't wait to see what their cosutmes are this year!! No tornados????

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  32. I'm one of the Oriental Trading nerds too. And sometimes candy. But yeah, the razorblade thing started when I was about 7--no more caramel apples from the lady who took the window out of her door and dressed up like a witch. Bummer for us.

    Anyway, I'm enjoying visiting my SITS visitors at a leisurely pace so I can peek around for a little while. I love your MTM and DVD photo and your newsy journalist flair. Very fun! So thanks for coming by The Journey last week!

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  33. We eat lots of veggies at about 2:00. It is hopeless to think that they aren't rotting their teeth out of their faces by about, 5;00pm. I have handed out pencils and erasers before and those seem to go oveer pretty well.

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  34. To Mum-me: For some reason, all the stores here need to have a "special holiday" section that is filled with something or other at all times. The only time they have some trouble is between Easter and the 4th of July. At that time, they usually have a summer theme. But right after 4th of July, the back-to-school stuff comes out. Then as soon as that's over, they put the Halloween stuff out. I think the one I find the most ridiculous, however, is that the day after Christmas, that section is covered in red and pink for Valentine's day. Apparently we need a 6-7 week run-up to that one too.

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  35. To Mum-me: For some reason, all the stores here need to have a "special holiday" section that is filled with something or other at all times. The only time they have some trouble is between Easter and the 4th of July. At that time, they usually have a summer theme. But right after 4th of July, the back-to-school stuff comes out. Then as soon as that's over, they put the Halloween stuff out. I think the one I find the most ridiculous, however, is that the day after Christmas, that section is covered in red and pink for Valentine's day. Apparently we need a 6-7 week run-up to that one too.

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