Tuesday, September 02, 2008

It Takes A Mother...

Okay, I've been mulling all this over, and what I think happened is this: originally, the VP selection committee called me, you see; but I wasn't home. One of my teens must have taken the message, and of course I never got it. So the committee had to settle for Governor Palin, right?

But that's okay - Ms. Palin is way more photogenic than I am. How does she pull off that sexy schoolmarm look, anyway? Will someone tell me, please?

It does look as though the Republicans have figured out that to achieve, say, a settlement between the Israelis and the Palestinians, they don't need some politician who doesn't know squat about making people get along; they need, instead, someone who has spent at least 15 years forcing her children to coexist somewhat peaceably. I can picture Ms. Palin sitting down with those recalcitrant Middle Easterners now:

Ms. Palin: Okay, fellas, what seems to be the problem here?
Mahmoud Abbas: Well, they started it; they came in and took our land and...
Ehud Olmert: Liar! The UN said we could have it. They voted and everything!
Mahmoud Abbas: Oh, yeah? Well, they didn't say you could kick us out!
Ehud Olmert: We didn't kick you out - you ran away. Babies!
Ms. Palin: Boys! Boys! What's past is past. There seem to be several sticking points to negotiations here. Let's look at this Jerusalem issue. It seems you both want it, and you're not willing to share.
Mahmoud: We were sharing, but they took our piece!
Ehud: We took your piece because you were going to take our piece!
Mahmoud: Liar, liar, pants on fire!
Ms. Palin: It's clear that you two cannot get along. What we'll have to do is take turns. Mahmoud, I'm going to set this timer. You can have Jerusalem for, oh, 6 months; and then Ehud here can take the next 6 months.
Ehud: How come he gets it first?


All I can say, Ms. Palin, is that you have your work cut out for you. And, hon, if you do end up living in the Vice Presidential mansion, please refrain from dismissing your chef because you want to cook for your own family (as you did when Governor). It makes the rest of us women look bad, all right?

Or, you could send him to me - I'll be glad to cede my kitchen duties for 4 years. No problem.

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40 comments:

  1. I have been in a quandry trying to decide what to do where it came to the election. I like her! I think if anyone can do the job it will be her. Personally I would send them each to their corner for a timeout! We will have to see what happens! Great post BTW.

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  2. holy hell. that's the best post i've read in like, ever.

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  3. I'd love a chef. A lot. A VERY lot. The main thing I remember from that movie Dave, with Kevin Kline, is when he gets up in the middle of the night and orders a sandwich from the White House chef. That would be awesome.

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  4. Who would dismiss a chef? WHO? Maybe it's all that lack of light.

    Funny post!

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  5. Great post!

    Ladies, check out http://welovesarahpalin.blogspot.com/
    Relevant labels: makeover, mac and cheese, supermom

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  6. Very funny post! I hear hockey moms don't put up with a lot.

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  7. You are absolutely correct. There are some jobs for which only having a houseful of kids can prepare you. Peacekeeping, cutting waste, cooking...I'll bet she does her own driving, too.

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  8. LOVE it! That's exactly what I thought when I heard she was the pick for VP- she can do it because she's running a housefull of KIDS! :) Who can multi-task, delegate and still keep it all together? A MOM!
    And I agree with the sexy school marm thing- I was wondering that myself.

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  9. I have an idea! Let Mahmoud divide Jerusalem and Ehud pick which part he wants!

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  10. Oh, this is funny. You know a mother of five could run the country.

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  11. SC, you forgot that famous last line to the debate...
    "Ehud: How come he gets it first?"
    Ms. Palin: Because I said so!

    Fun post, thanks for the good read.

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  12. I love this post!

    And I want a chef too. I tell my girls when they get married, marry a chef.

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  13. p.s. I linked to this post on my blog. And I am so sorry you weren't home when they called to offer you vp.

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  14. Oh, how I would love a chef. And, yes, I think a mom would be able to handle some issues much better than a mere mortal.

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  15. At risk of sounding like a throwback... who's being the kids' mother while she's campaigning? You couldn't pay me enough--not even promise me a chef and living quarters that someone else cleans once the campaign is over--to be away from a wee little baby for so long.

    Now, a break from these older kids, the ones who are running around the house screaming instead of putting away their laundry like I quite reasonably requested (seeing as how I washed, dried, folded it, AND matched the socks)--I'd take a break from them. But not a baby.

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  16. Nursing a baby during meetings? I love it. I love that she is totally embracing the fact that she's a mother. I hate when women are all business (Hilary, I'm talking to you.) I think its wonderful that she's so comfortable being who she is.

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  17. Amy, I think the article mentioned that her husband is being the stay at home dad.

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  18. Hillary was a mom, why didn't she handle it? Oh yeah, only one child. I don't think that qualifies as a MASTER negotiater.

    I love Mrs. Smith's addition to your conversation.

    KEEP BELIEVING

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  19. Loved this post. I'm hoping a "mom" will make a positive influence over the current "dad" who just yells "behave or I'm pulling out the 'big stick'".

    I have been doing some research on Palin this morning, and I'm being persuaded to like her for herself, and dislike her less because I think it was a very see-through ploy by McCain that obviously seems to be working very well.

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  20. Best post on the Palin topic I have read thus far.

    ~Luke

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  21. Love the dialogue. I'm trying to picture it all with myself in there as well and quite frankly, I would probably get so annoyed with all the arguing, I might be tempted to do something like knock their heads together or lock them in a room, without weapons, together until they can get along.

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  22. I think she looks like Tina Fey. My husband totally thinks she's hot (Tina Fey too) and now will DEFINITELY vote for the old guy;)

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  23. Always keepin it real-you know I soooo LOVE your blog and you make me think!

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  24. too funny, I can't wait to learn more about her. I think this is going to be a very interesting election

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  25. Great post -- I quoted liberally and linked back to you!!

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  26. GREAT post..I think Sarah would actually sit down with them...just like you said...but she would split it down the middle..and if they were still fighting over it in a month give the whole darn thing to China and THEN THEY WOULD BE SORRY...

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  27. HA!

    If only it were that easy...

    course there's never been a woman in charge so mayve it is!

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  28. I'd be happy to relinquish for 4 hours!
    Cheers

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  29. very funny girl. well, maybe i'll reconsider Palin afterall.

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  30. This post was genius and I wish that I had something intelligent to add. But after spending the last two weeks in a minivan with four kids who are, "gasp!" looking at each other, I'd suggest not crossing THIS line.

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  31. Ah, but can Palin clean out a fridge like you? Nah. Didn't think so. SC for VP then.

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  32. Great post! I want to know how she does it too. Did you see her Thursday? Wow. I told my hubby tonight that I wanted to hire Governor Palins cook so I can just come home and eat and not have to do MORE work!

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  33. I just took a look at your profile. A Tree Grows In Brooklyn is one of my favorite books too!! For more than thirty years!

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  34. HA HA! That is about the size of it. That and she can totally do the mom face!

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  35. I stayed out of this as long as I could. Here's my take on it all.

    http://www.momecentric.com/?p=727

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  36. If any negotiator thinks that diplomatic conflicts are that easy to solve, I have a bridge to sell them. How insulting, denigrating the Israeli homeland. I didn't find this funny at all.

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  37. This is what I have been saying all along, if moms were in charge, things would be different.

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  38. That is a hilarious post. Give 'em all a time out. Wouldn't it be funny if it worked? ("say you're sorry..'sorry'. Now you say you're sorry.."sorry". OK, go play.)

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