Monday, May 04, 2009

Hello, Humiliation!

It has been raining the proverbial cats and dogs around here lately, and of course both umbrellas which I bought myself in the past year are nowhere to be found. Neither is my raincoat. Tell me - are the myriad ravages of middle age - the wrinkles, the sagging, the extra belly fat, the being regarded as hopelessly old by my teen daughter - not humiliating enough without my being forced to go to church yesterday wielding only a Hello, Kitty umbrella for protection against the elements?

It belongs to Susie, and she was quite upset that it was me and not her that used it. Hey, it's sauve qui peut around here, baby...


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Dear Ants,

I hate you. You are everywhere. You will take over the earth, I know. But for the time being, please get the heck out of my kitchen, my front hall, and my computer desk. Thank you.


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15 comments:

  1. Eew, ants! What are you doing to them? Boric acid around the canisters? Ant motels?

    I just put out bait around the ant hills in the yard -- the FIRE ANT HILLS.

    I'd take ants over fleas any day, though...

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  2. Maybe the ants will give up if you stop cleaning the old food out of the fridge every week. ;-)

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  3. Maybe everyone in church just thought you were one of those super trendy people that "bring back" trends of the past??

    Put some of those ants in a box and leave it at church. That will teach them to judge.

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  4. Just when I needed an umbrella this evening, my oldest had taken off with the minivan... and my umbrella. Not that he would use it, it's too girly for him!

    I thought cockroaches were going to take over the world, although the ants we had in our house in San Antonio make me agree with you.

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  5. I had to walk around with one last week that had a bear on the handle and was barely big enough to save my head from getting wet.

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  6. Have you tried Home Defense? We have (had) ants in our home as well, but when we sprayed Home Defense all around the foundation, we have been antless for about a year. I see one or two, but that's all we get now. You can get Home Defense at Wal-Mart, Home Depot and Lowes. I hated buying that stuff, but the organic ones didn't work. Plus, these ants were carpenters and we live in a log home. Can you say "All you Can Eat Buffet?"
    Good Luck.

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  7. I have a Bob the Builder umbrella I could send you. It's pretty tiny . . . your shoulder will still get wet but at least your head will by dry!

    AND, Hello Kitty and Bob the Builder have a thing going on.

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  8. At least you have a little girl to blame the very existence of said umbrella on. The humiliation level goes up a bit when you have only boys because then everyone knows that it is, indeed, your umbrella.

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  9. I keep my umbrella hidden under all the junk in the boot. It starts raining and you can see me climbing over the seats (we have a wagon) and balancing on kids carseats with my backside in the air trying to fling junk out of the way to find the brolly. I have been told by an onlooker that I probably should find a better place to keep it so no one else has to see that... thanks mate.

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  10. Humiliation is trendy. Too bad you didn't have any bright yellow ducky rainboots.
    I personally usually go for the run like a freak with rain-flatted drippy hair look.

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  11. Hubby and I bought a very bright and beautiful rainbow umbrella to bring to my daughter's football games.....not taking into consideration that most members of the team are gay.

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  12. I have started buying umbrellas whenever I find one under $10 (say, at TJ Maxx or Marshalls). I can now reliably find two. Usually.

    Where do they go? It's not like socks, they're TOO BIG to be lost in a corner somewhere under the couch. Aren't they?

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  13. You need to use that clear liquid ant poison. And tell Susie you yelled "dibs!" first so there's no further discussion about who gets the umbrella. Same law as yelling "shotgun!"

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  14. Hey, at least you USE an umbrella. I just come in soaking wet, dripping, mascara running down my face. Nice.

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  15. For God's sakes, send LA some WATER!!

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