Sunday, April 29, 2012

Zamboni Drivers Are People, Too

This may or may not be an actual picture of Homemaker Man.
 Homemaker Man, who writes better posts about zambonis than anyone else I know, sent me a list of questions as part of a meme.  I have a lot in common with Homemaker Man, seeing as how we both married goyim.  So, even though I usually don't do memes, I am taking time out of my busy blogging life to answer the following questions he sent me:


1. Have you ever stolen anything in your life? (don't answer this if it's a felony still under the statute of limitations. Disclaimer)

I've stolen men's hearts with gleeful abandon.

2. Can you read my mind?

Yes, and I'm telling your wife.

3. Coopon or Q-pon (there is a correct answer here)?

There is always a correct answer.  But I'm not giving it to you.

This is NOT ME.
4. Medium rare or vegetarian?

Medium-rare vegetarians are delicious!

5. How many angels fit on the head of a pin?

Damn it, Jim, I'm a writer, not a seamstress.

6. What's the frequency, Kenneth?

Don't call me Kenneth.  Or Shirley.

7. What does it have in it's pockets?

It has extra apostrophes that it sprinkles wrongly over possessive pronouns.

 8. If you were ever sent to prison, and you couldn't get your hands on a spoon or a toothbrush, out of what would you fashion your shiv?

I had to look up "shiv."  The real question is, how did Martha Stewart make hers?

Not my real number...
 9. If you could 100% ensure your children have one specific quality when they grow up, what would it be?

The ability to call me on Mother's Day and my birthday.

 10. In order to save the world, you have to do seven minutes in heaven in a broom closet with either Vladimir Putin, Newt Gingrich, or the corpse of Elizabeth Taylor. Who do you choose?

I don't get this.  We're in heaven.  Either everyone's an angel or everyone's a corpse.  Why is only Elizabeth Taylor a corpse?  Whence this simmering hostility you harbor against beautiful women?


11. What is your desert island ice cream brand and flavor?

Breyer's strawberry.  Yum. 


I'm not tagging anyone.  And you can't make me.  

[Photo credit: LockerNerd]
[phone image: life-hacker]

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9 comments:

  1. Helpless silent giggles. What a great way to start Monday!

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  2. Thank you for your answer to number 7. Why is this so hard for people? Including my child's TEACHER? I'm pretty sure the inability of humankind to differentiate between it's and its is a sign of our imminent downfall.

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  3. You are SO sassy. Which is why I like you.

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  4. Elizabeth Taylor, hands down.

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  5. I have actually contemplated the shiv question apropos of nothing. Because I'm weird.

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    Replies
    1. No, it's because you like to be prepared!

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  6. More proof of why I love you and your writing.

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  7. Damn my lazy grammar! And don't be so literal, I think it was clear that the aforementioned "heaven" was metaphorical. And the only reason Liz is the only corpse is because the other two drink (copiously) the blood of young virgins in order to attain life everlasting. Duh.

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  8. And you didn't know number 3.

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