Out For Blood

We cannot walk out our door right now without being set upon by what must be the most hyperactive mosquitoes known to man.  It has gotten to the point where I WANT to go camping, just to get away from these horrible creatures.  True story - last year, over 8 days of camping in central NY, I received only one mosquito bite.  ONE.  That's right - I can live outside somewhere else and still not suffer the way I do here, with window screens and children trained to CLOSE THE DOOR DAMMIT and multiple applications of bug spray.

This is my friend.
I am living in hell.  A mosquito-ridden hell.  I'm sure Dante had mosquitoes in one of his Circles, they just got lost in translation.

When we adults stand around outside talking, as neighbors are wont to do, we end up doing this funny little dance where we are slapping first one calf and then the other, in a futile attempt to stop these blood-suckers from biting.  "So, you're going away next week?" Slap, slap.  "Yes, we're heading to the Amazonian jungle.  We hear there are fewer biting insects there."  Slap, slap.   "Oh, well, we're going to Tanzania.  Their mosquitoes only bite at night."  Slap, slap.


Because, yes, ours are out ALL DAY.  Lucky us.  You know what would be a great business idea?  A burqa-shaped version of those DEET-soaked mosquito nets handed out by relief organizations in Africa.  When you see one on the fashion runways next year, remember that you heard it here first, people.

Comments

  1. Living here in South Florida, aka mosquito heaven, I can relate. They just about ruined a vacation to the keys one year. I hate when they get in the house and you wake up with bite. YUCK

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  2. They've been really awful here too, all day. Usually during the hottest times of the day we get relief from mosquitoes, but June was so wet that July was round-the-clock mosquitoes. It's *finally* a little better--I've been running in the morning without dousing myself in repellent first.

    It's only a matter of time before malaria makes a resurgence in DC, you know, which was, after all, built on a swamp...

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  3. Yes the mozzies just love me unfortunately, and I hate spraying on chemicals but I just have to get some respite. My son and I come up in big lumps when bitten that stay itchy for days - must have a bit of an allergy. The others in the family get small bites that fade quickly. Guess who the mozzies prefer?
    I remember years ago I stayed at my aunt's place with my eldest daughter who was only a baby at the time - every time I turned out the light the dive-bombing mozzie whine would start. I must've killed at least 30 that night, hardly got a wink of sleep.

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  4. Ours haven't been as horrible this year, but probably only because my daughter, Mona, is so delicious. Given a choice the mosquitoes go for her. She refers to herself as a Bug Buffet.

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  5. I feel like I need a god damn malaria shot. I'm also completely sure that Dante's circles of hell included POISON IVY. Why am I in the country? I should be living in a CITY.

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  6. With no freeze over the winter and a wet (?!?) summer, I feel your pain. Or itching. C'MON, WINTER!

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  7. I don't know what's going on, but the mosquitoes have been vicious this year. Even up in Canada, where they're normally far more polite.

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  8. Oooh...that's bad. We've been lucky this year--they're only out at dusk and not too nasty. But when they breed hard and furious, they make the outdoors MISERABLE.

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  9. People from other places always comment on our lack of mosquitos. I haven't had one bite yet this year. A bad year would be five bites. Of course, I think I don't have blood they particularly like.

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  10. I think they've been spraying for them here, they have been pretty mild lately!

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  11. The mosquitoes haven't been too bad this year here but the yellowjackets are terrible!

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  12. Do you have gnats? I'd almost rather deal with blood-sucking mosquitoes than hoards of gnats that crawl up your nose, ears and eyes. In South Georgia, the natives will keep on eating a sandwich that's covered in gnats. Extra protein I guess.

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