Sunday, June 26, 2016

Marital Hijinks

I woke up this morning very annoyed at Larry. I found him downstairs, sipping his coffee and reading the news, completely unaware of what he had done.

"Thanks!" I said. "Thanks a lot!"


"I just dreamed you went and married our neighbor Cassie."

I could tell from Larry's confused look that he really wanted to defend himself, but he wasn't sure why.

"And I was supposed to pretend that that was all right. Like, perfectly all right. Even though WE were still married."

"Um, this was just a dream, you know."

"I don't care. Then one of the OTHER neighbors suggested that I should get even by marrying Cassie's husband Tom."

"Did you?" asked Larry.

"Of course not! That would be weird! People would think we were all middle-aged swingers or something."

"Good thinking," said Larry, trying to return to his coffee.

"So, halfway through the dream, I finally realized that I didn't have to support you in this weird lifestyle choice of marrying someone else. Look what being married a quarter century has done to me - I feel obligated to back you up on EVERYTHING."

"Speaking of which," said Larry, "I'm moving everything from the laundry room this morning to make space for the washer/dryer delivery tomorrow. I'll just stick it all in the family room for now."

You know, maybe it WOULD be simpler if he just married someone else...


  1. I've had that same conversation with D, all hepped up over a dream. The conflence of real life v. real emotional response is good stuff. Hope that washer/dryer business gets settled soon!

  2. It took me days to get over one of those dreams. I hope you can separate dream world from reality during the next few days as you negotiate the latest uproar in household appliances.

  3. I once worked as a volunteer at a pro bono law practice and I took a phone call from a man who wanted to "buy my wife a divorce for Christmas." I told him that that seemed....unkind. He said, no, a divorce from her other husband. He seemed very surprised that she couldn't have two marriages at once. I turned him over to the lawyer. Warn your husband that it is illegal, probably even in dreams!

  4. Washer AND Dryer, eh? Good for you :) I trust there were no hassles about the employee discount and you got something you like.

  5. One more than one occasion, I've spent the whole day being pissed at my husband (not to mention, conducting a Grand Inquisition) after dreaming that he had an affair.