Sunday, June 26, 2016

Marital Hijinks

I woke up this morning very annoyed at Larry. I found him downstairs, sipping his coffee and reading the news, completely unaware of what he had done.

"Thanks!" I said. "Thanks a lot!"

"What?"

"I just dreamed you went and married our neighbor Cassie."

I could tell from Larry's confused look that he really wanted to defend himself, but he wasn't sure why.

"And I was supposed to pretend that that was all right. Like, perfectly all right. Even though WE were still married."

"Um, this was just a dream, you know."

"I don't care. Then one of the OTHER neighbors suggested that I should get even by marrying Cassie's husband Tom."

"Did you?" asked Larry.

"Of course not! That would be weird! People would think we were all middle-aged swingers or something."

"Good thinking," said Larry, trying to return to his coffee.

"So, halfway through the dream, I finally realized that I didn't have to support you in this weird lifestyle choice of marrying someone else. Look what being married a quarter century has done to me - I feel obligated to back you up on EVERYTHING."

"Speaking of which," said Larry, "I'm moving everything from the laundry room this morning to make space for the washer/dryer delivery tomorrow. I'll just stick it all in the family room for now."

You know, maybe it WOULD be simpler if he just married someone else...




6 comments:

  1. I've had that same conversation with D, all hepped up over a dream. The conflence of real life v. real emotional response is good stuff. Hope that washer/dryer business gets settled soon!

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  2. It took me days to get over one of those dreams. I hope you can separate dream world from reality during the next few days as you negotiate the latest uproar in household appliances.

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  3. I once worked as a volunteer at a pro bono law practice and I took a phone call from a man who wanted to "buy my wife a divorce for Christmas." I told him that that seemed....unkind. He said, no, a divorce from her other husband. He seemed very surprised that she couldn't have two marriages at once. I turned him over to the lawyer. Warn your husband that it is illegal, probably even in dreams!

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  4. Washer AND Dryer, eh? Good for you :) I trust there were no hassles about the employee discount and you got something you like.

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  5. One more than one occasion, I've spent the whole day being pissed at my husband (not to mention, conducting a Grand Inquisition) after dreaming that he had an affair.

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