Worried about gaining weight over the holidays? Follow Suburban Correspondent's handy guide for keeping those unwanted pounds away!
1. Cancel Chanukah party (with its attendant calorie-laden fried potato pancakes) due to best friend's parasite-ridden children. Whew! One hurdle jumped!
2. Approximately 10 days before Christmas, contract a cold with a wicked sore throat. Add in 2 cold sores on the inside of your lower lip. Voila! You can't ingest anything without extreme pain! This should get you through all those pre-holiday pageants and parties quite handily. Careful! Wine hurts too!
3. As the sore throat wanes, make sure to pick up a stomach bug from your 10-year-old son. Perfect for keeping you from tasting any of the treats you still have to bake for everyone else!
4. Fail to recover from said stomach bug within 48 hours. Lie in bed on the third day and decide you have some sort of intestinal cancer. Wrap presents for your children (the last you'll ever give them) while weeping copiously. Burns more calories than wrapping cheerfully! Stop frequently to blow nose and lament your poor motherless children's bleak future to your confused husband. That burns more calories, also (the nose-blowing and lamentations, that is, not the confused husband). You are on your way to becoming one svelte sick chick.
Kenny Loggins ruined one innocent 7-year-old girl's Christmas. ROTFL. And, hey, all that rolling on the floor laughing burns extra calories, too...
[sneezing photo credit: Salon]
[photo credit: Hyperbole and a Half]
I guess that it's a good thing I didn't mail you chocolate?ReplyDelete
Once I finish wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes ("Kennnnyyyy Logggggiinnnsss") I'll be blowing my nose, washing my hands, and baking cookies.
Wishing you good health SOON!!
I receive hundreds of fitness questions every day from people all over the world, but by far one of the most common themes in these questions revolve around the struggles that most people are having with losing that flabby stomach fat that doesn't seem to want to go away no matter what they try.Delete
Just recently I had the pleasure of meeting a fellow fitness professional named Mike Geary of TruthAboutAbs.com (insert aff link). Now Mike is a well-known expert who deals exclusively with the most effective strategies for losing stomach fat so that you can finally uncover those elusive six pack abs that everyone desires.
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1. Most people are wasting too much of their time doing hundreds of reps of ineffective crunches, situps, and other "abs pumping" exercises in their attempt at losing stomach fat.
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Surprisingly to most, the majority of these most effective exercises for stomach fat loss are NOT "abs-specific" exercises. Not only that, but Mike shows you how to combine and sequence them to get the best metabolic and fat loss results possible, changing the shape of your entire body.
2. Most people are wasting way too much time doing hours upon hours of boring monotonous cardio routines.
Mike has researched this topic extensively, including an entire course he's taken comparing different modalities of cardiovascular exercise. After all of this research, we've come to the conclusion that the majority of people out there are not doing the right types of cardio exercise. In fact, most people may actually be inadvertantly decreasing their metabolic rate by doing too much of the wrong types of cardio!
The strategies that Mike reveals in his program go beyond "interval cardio" too.
3. Most people are failing miserably with fad diets.
Mike reveals exactly why most low-carb or low-fat diets are actually working against what your body needs to become lean and ripped and maintain it for life! Mike shows you exactly how to stop falling for the gimmick diets and finally develop a truly healthy eating style that you can actually enjoy for life without being overly restrictive. It's actually easier and more enjoyable than you believe!
Go to Mike's Truth about Six Pack Abs site today and discover the exact system that Mike is using to help thousands of his clients from all over the world get leaner than they've ever been before. This system will help you to lose that stubborn stomach fat that has plagued you for years, so you can finally get that sexy six pack that you've always wanted.
Here's the: Secrets for losing stubborn stomach fat.
Don't forget to visit Mike's site today, as he's giving away some great free bonus reports and other tools that might not be available much longer.
To being lean, strong, and healthy for life,
I've been working that stomach virus for almost two weeks now (I think I got better, then caught it back from the toddler). It comes, it goes. The school nurse sent out an email the day my younger son's class was half out of school. The health dept thinks it's norovirus. The most hysterical part of the fact sheet was the bit on how anyone with symptoms shouldn't prepare food until the symptoms are gone and for three days thereafter. Talk about rolling on the floor laughing. So when I first got this and my husband was in Europe I should have had my 9yo cook for everyone? Oh, that CDC. They crack me up.ReplyDelete
LOL. So so so true! Last week my daughter came down with the flu which turned into bronchitis. Two days later it was my turn. She is fine now. I am not.ReplyDelete
I love Hyperbole and a Half, so glad you read it too!
Sorry you're sick, but, um, thanks for the tips. I think. :) Get well soon!ReplyDelete
The only good thing about being sick is that sometimes it is a forced weight loss program. I think to myself, well, you've lost some weight, now how about some chocolate. But sadly, being sick decreases my desire for such food. Life is so unfair!ReplyDelete
Here's hoping you feel better real soon. If it's any consolation, my daughter and I still fondly remember the Christmas 10 years or more ago when her younger brothers got sick (only a fever and sleeping) for three days before Christmas, and the two of us spent the whole time baking cookies uninterrupted. It still ranks as one of my best Christmas's ever. How bad is that?!!!