Thursday, February 25, 2016

Broken Dreams

As most long-time readers here know, I am a short, busty person who desperately misses her waist. I have mostly made my peace with this situation; but sometimes - as I waste time on the Internet looking longingly at clothing and knitting patterns that will never, ever look right on me - I allow myself to fantasize that I am tall and lithe. I pretend that I, too, can wear those long cardigans, those curvacious slim tees, those wide ponchos...oh, the list of forbidden fashion goes on and on.

This picture still makes me feel wistful.

During one of these bouts of delusion, I purchased some very pretty harem pants online - you know, just something comfy to wear around the house, instead of jeans. When they arrived, I pulled them on, reveling in their elastic waist, capacious legs, and overall elegant design. My bliss lasted about half an hour, when Brian walked into the kitchen. Seeing me sporting my newest fashion purchase, he asked, "What is THAT?"

"Harem pants," I said. "Aren't they fun?"

And my son, who has never uttered even one word of fashion advice to me, ever, said, "Um, no. Those are wrong."

Sigh. Out of the mouths of babes, I guess....

I've gifted the pants, reluctantly, to my non-midget oldest daughter Anna. Being all of 5' 5'', she'll look smashing in them. And I will continue to hope that reincarnation is really a thing - that way, I can come back as a person who can actually carry off harem pants.

[Harem pants image: Harem Pants]


  1. I'm tall but not lithe, and I cannot wear such wonderful pants, either. However, I have discovered two important clothing pieces: black yoga pants (go with everything, can be dressed up and disguised as dress pants) and long, patterned skirts. For me, at 5'10" most maxi skirts hit above the ankle (you know, the kind that drag on the floor for everyone else) but I am truly happy with anything that is tea-length (remember that?) or longer. And while I haven't done it yet, I'm told it's quite easy to sew your own custom maxi skirts! With an elastic waist, a maxi skirt is just yoga pants in disguise, but you can wear it out of the house and people think you've dressed up!
    I bet you can even get some fabric in the pattern you like of those harem pants. Brian won't ask you "What is THAT?" and you won't have to gift them to your older daughter.
    If my sons ever gave me fashion advice, I'd probably fall over in shock.

  2. You.Slay.Me.

    I am 5'3" and built like Chris Farley. And I still think leggings and tall boots make me look tall and leggy. In reality I probably look like a round turkey walking around on her drumsticks but that's okay.

    And yes to Karen up there ^^ I enjoy a maxi skirt in the spring/summer. Long t-shirt and jean jacket. Boom! Nice breeze, too.

  3. Those pants make me want to scream, "Hammer Time!". I think you were wise to give them to your daughter. :)

  4. I was telling a friend I was thinking of buying a pair of Ugg boots because my feet are always cold, except for maybe 5 weeks during the summer. His son overheard the conversation and said, "Aren't those for young girls?"

    Let's just say I still don't own a pair of Uggs, but the memory still reverberates in my mind.

  5. Deb, I had to google Uggs to see what they looked like (which should tell you something about my fashion sense) but to me they look toasty warm, and toasty warm feet trump fashion. Go for it!

    And I class harem pants with the clothes that are designed to make skinny people look like they aren't anorexic. I may be tall enough, but my build is better described as 'sturdy' than 'willowy' and they make me look like I've been attacked by a savage bolt of fabric.

  6. Deb-I have a friend in her late seventies who wears UGG boots and she looks great (and her feet are warm). Go for them!! I am 5'10" and I can wear long clothes, but in high school I was taller than all but one of the guys. Now I like being tall, but being tall means I have long feet, and I would look...I don't know like large sturdy UGGS. Don't own any, but I am jealous of those who do.

  7. You are a brave woman. As a short (5'1", 5'2" on good day) woman, I wouldn't dream of trying harem pants...or a maxi skirt (they don't make them for short people; what is a mini-skirt for others is a normal skirt for me).

    My son's fashion advice consists of informing me that I shouldn't wear anything that doesn't cover my body from head to toe.

    1. If it is any comfort, you would look tall to me!

  8. Oh my goodness, I laughed! To have your son say that, well, sometimes they do speak truth. Maybe you can wear them to bed?
    And as a short person I feel you on the list of forbidden clothing.

  9. I don't know - if you love it, I say rock it! I guess the rule of thumb is if it's flowy pants, go for close fitting top and vice versa. Pretty funny that your son spoke up though. You should threaten to wear them to his school if he acts up.

  10. Kids...! I so hear you. I bought a mostly-silk blouse in a color I absolutely swoon over--nice nice nice. Never mind that I had to buy the medium instead of the small because it was designed on the assumption that one's waist and hips are the same width. Never mind that the v-neck then plunged about to belly button status because hey, wearing a nice t underneath is stylish, right?

    It was also designed for the busty, which, let me assure you, I am not. Lots of room there when you're wearing a size that's really a bit big anyway except in the hips. But oh, the color...! And the soft fabric. Swoon.

    I went on an errand with my daughter wearing that getup and she, after some hemming and hawing, finally opined that only I would try to carry off such a look.

    Dang it kid. Never wore it again.