Friday, September 15, 2017

Like Aesop's Fables, Only No Animals

The doctor called me Wednesday and informed me I had high cholesterol. And I was all, "Um, okay, so, uh, does that cause intermittent severe stomach pain?" and it was her turn to go "Huh?" So I had to remind her that I had gone to see her for really bad stomach pain and that she had run all sorts of blood tests for all sorts of enzymes and all.

Sheesh, am I the one with the MD? No, I am not.

So then she looked at her notes and looked at the other tests and said, "Oh, everything looks perfectly normal here! Liver, pancreas...all that. So we'll see you in 3 months for another cholesterol test. Try to eat low-fat."

Whereupon I had to remind her that I was barely eating AT ALL. So she said to wait for the sonogram that she had scheduled a whole week later to see if anything came up. Apparently, she is not too concerned about my nutrient intake.

So yeah, my budget health insurance is working out just great, y'all.

But that's NOT what I came here to tell you. I came here to tell you about the dangers of self-righteousness. You see, one of the townhouses in my neighborhood is a rental, and it's being renovated between tenants. So the contractors doing the renovations left a huge pile of flooring remnants and boxes next to where we leave our trash cans twice a week for garbage pickup.

The stuff sat there all week, irritating the heck out of everyone, until today, trash pick-up day. And the garbage guys didn't pick it up, because really, they're not supposed to pick up any trash that isn't bagged and the contractors should have disposed of that stuff themselves.

So I went out there this evening, filled with self-righteous indignation over the mess, and started carrying all the trash back to the house it came from. I made sure to dump it in the front yard, right next to the For Rent sign.

Because, yeah, I can be petty sometimes.

This is useful
The job took a while, because it turns out some of the boards were old pieces of shoe molding and baseboards, complete with sharp nails sticking straight out. I marched back and forth with those boards, feeling mounting satisfaction as the pile in the yard grew higher. That'll teach people to mess up our neighborhood, I thought smugly.

I was almost done, just cleaning up some plastic debris and cardboard boxes, when it happened: I stepped on a rusty nail in a tiny piece of shoe molding that I had missed. Because my beloved FitFlops have really thick soles, only the tip of the nail got into my foot, but still - RUSTY. So now I get to pay $30 to go get a tetanus shot at Urgent Care tonight.

Moral: Vigilantism doesn't pay.

[Rusty Nail Chart: Wound Care Society]


  1. Stomach viruses tend to linger. I have a crown on one of my molars that keeps falling out. Been glued back in three times. Finally got in and had a new temporary made five days ago. Tonight was eating a salad, the temporary broke and is now resting in a baggie. Yep. Life is exciting

  2. Remember, tetanus is extremely rare, and *bonus* the shot has pertussis (whooping cough) vaccine, that you were probably intending to get anyway, mixed in there. Also, my money is still on gallbladder disease, or gastritis. Just in case, eat as low fat as you can (fat is what makes your gallbladder scream!) Whatever it is, I hope you feel better soon. And that you get nice new neighbors who would be appalled at the mess the contractors made.

  3. Gallbladder! That is an interesting idea. I am glad the pancreas checked out ok.I am so sorry about your foot too. Jeez. Just what you need. Glad you posted though so we know the stomach etc. hasn't killed you off yet.

  4. Have you read A Man Called Ove? After your neighborhood vigilante business, you simply must.

    1. I think it is actually lying around the house somewhere, so I'll have to find it.

  5. Oh yes, A Man Called Ove is perfect reading! I had seemingly random severe stomach pain for years, couldn't figure it out, (no medical degree) and finally gave in and went to the dr., fearing the disease I had recently heard about in tv drug ads, and it turned out I am lactose intolerant. Easy fix! I wish you something easy too, and sorry about the tetanus shot necessity.

  6. I see someone else says gall bladder. I swear that tiny thing is horrible. Scott stepped on a HUGE nail and it took him a week of everyone nagging for him to get a tetanus shot. I stepped on this big screw thing for a fan and OMG that was disgusting. Also had to get a shot. Should be good for a few years here lol

  7. Your doctor is irritating - seriously irritating! Toss clueless contractors on top of that and I'd say you deserve a break . . . maybe in the form or better doctor advice. Second opinion?

  8. It's contracting 101 to knock all your exposed nails with a hammer so they're not sticking straight out. I really think they should have to pay for your urgent care visit and shot. I hope your stomach issue gets better soon!

  9. This is all kinds of awful. At the very least, your vigilantism should have been perfect and not produced a nail into your foot! And the fact that the doctor couldn't remember why you'd had the tests and then wasn't worried about you not being able to eat? Sounds like the doctor needs some construction material underfoot.
    I'm worried about you!

  10. You poor thing. That's the challenge of stomach issues - it could be 97 different things and we're really going by process of elimination here. But good on you for going in the first place, and going back because of the nail. I've reached the point where I tend to ignore things because every time I go to a doctor they find something unrelated wrong. :/