Thursday, April 28, 2016

God Save The Cadburys

I am one lucky gal
Larry came home from London today, bearing chocolate, plus shortbread. He did an EXCELLENT job, so I might let him go back, if he ever has the chance.

You know when you realize home-owning is fun? When you have to unclog the powder room toilet the minute you put down your suitcase.

For some reason, this week while Larry was gone, ALL THE THINGS happened, so the poor man was bombarded with information the minute he walked in the door. Larry heard all about Brian's audiology appointment (poor kid was going deaf in one ear, because I am the WORST mother in the entire world), the line-up of activities we are scheduled for this weekend, David's plans for the summer, Theo's present whereabouts (he left for the Mideast the same day Larry left for Europe), and then Anna's money-saving decision to move back home for the next few months. I swear, you'd think he had been gone a year.

And now I am realizing that we didn't even get around to telling him about Brian's latest dumb accident (and believe me, it's even dumber than when he dropped his own pants in the potty). When I walked into Brian's room Wednesday morning to make sure he was up for his doctor's appointment, I found myself staring at a ceiling fan with a missing blade. I looked at the wall, expecting to find the blade embedded therein. But no, it was lying quietly, brokenly, on Brian's desk chair, and it didn't look as though there were any blood stains in the room; so, all in all, it could have been worse.

Housekeeping tip for the kids: turn off the ceiling fan BEFORE standing on your bed and trying to unbunch your duvet.

And, yes, I know, this is my fault - I shouldn't insist that the kids make their own beds. Or at least, that's what Brian tried to tell me. Mea culpa.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Sweets For The Sweet

Tonight I went up to Baltimore to see its Listen To Your Mother show. I also got to meet Ann Imig (the founder of the whole LTYM phenomenon) in person, because she happened to be there, too. So, yes, that's me, rubbing shoulders with the (blogging) famous. Next thing you know, I'll be trading recipes with the Pioneer Woman. I mean, it takes some special skill to throw together Costco frozen meatballs and Ragu spaghetti sauce the way I do. Those jars don't just open themselves, you know.

And now we are getting ready for LTYM DC (next week!), and Larry's packing for a business trip to London (next week!), and Brian tells me there is the homeschool prom (next week!), and suddenly I cannot wait for May, when I have absolutely nothing planned - at least, nothing that I can remember.

And yes, "homeschool prom" DOES sound a little weird, like we have a spelling bee instead of music and dancing. But it's actually a pretty normal prom, except nobody gets drunk before or after, which strikes me as a definite plus. And since I have only a teen boy going this year, there really isn't much prep to do. Still, Larry has to chaperone, and then there is the after-party, and then we have the neighborhood clean-up event early the next morning.

So, like I said, May cannot come quickly enough for me. It doesn't hurt that Larry has promised to get my car cleaned, inside and out, which strikes me as the best Mother's Day present ever. Well, that, and some Cadbury fruit-and-nut bars, to be picked up while he is in London, because the British version is WAY better than ours.

The best confection to remedy spousal abandonment...

Got that, Larry? CADBURY.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

I Can See Clearly Now

Today I get to wait around until the windshield-replacement guy shows up. I drove around for a full week thinking to myself, "When I get out of the car, I've GOT to remove that blade of grass on my windshield." Then I would forget, because - let's face it - you drive your car to get somewhere, and once you get there, that is all that is on your mind, not removing blades of grass from your windshield (which explains why, for SEVEN YEARS now, I have been forgetting to superglue the loose door gasket in place, so every once in a while it falls on someone's head as they are climbing in the car).

THIS will be happening. Technician may vary...
Anyway, then I noticed that the blade of grass seemed a tad longer and one day last week the sun caught it at just the right angle to reveal its true nature - a crack climbing up the windshield right in front of me. So it was sort of a Trojan blade of grass, as it were. Acting completely out of character, I immediately called the insurance company and set up today's appointment. Seriously, I don't know what came over me, but I am glad I did, because that crack is now twice as long and right in front of my face as I am driving.

All of which is to say, SOMETIMES I get it right.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Men Are From Whatever Planet People Can't Hear On

Folks, this is how we communicate around here, in case you are wondering what 25 years of marriage looks like:

ME: So, judging from the read-through last night, we shouldn't bring the girls to the LTYM show. Think they're okay if we just leave them here for the afternoon?

HIM: Show?

ME: The Listen To Your Mother show is on May 1st. Can the kids stay by themselves at home?
This is what he looked like, I swear it.

HIM: <look of extreme incomprehension>

ME: Do you have ANY idea what I am talking about?

HIM: Wasn't the show last night?

ME: No! That was the read-through.


ME: You thought I was performing in LTYM last night and you just waved bye? Didn't you want to SEE it?

At this point, Larry is sitting there with the classic confused-husband look. I take pity on him and try again. Slowly.

ME: Last night we were all reading our pieces to each other to hear how they sounded together. The SHOW is on May 1st. 

HIM: I thought you changed it. So last week was the cast party and this week was just practice? When's the show again?

ME: May 1st. Can we leave the girls alone here while we are at the show?

More confused-husband look. I mean, what is there not to understand? I try to ignore him and finish my breakfast, but the sensation of confusion emanating in WAVES from his end of the table is overwhelming. I lose it.

ME: Larry, this isn't that hard!

The baffled look on his face doesn't change. I turn to Brian, who is sitting across from me.

ME: You understand this, don't you?
BRIAN: I thought you taped the show last night and it would be on YouTube today.

All this to explain why I'm giving my free ticket to Anna. These menfolk don't even DESERVE to see the show.

Bowling Is Too A Sport

This week has just rocketed by. Theo's transfer date (he's going overseas) was moved up, so what was supposed to be a nice, leisurely visit spanning a week was changed to only 3 days, days filled with bureaucratic minutiae like changing his car registration, among other things. He arrived earlier than planned, too, the same night I was hosting Bunko, so I got to prep for Bunko (that is, clean the house, buy fun food, make other fun food) at the same time I was prepping for his visit (de-cheese the house, clear the guest room, etc.). Due to my general organizational ineptitude, this was not easy.

Rachel would NOT like this dress.

We did find time to go bowling, however, despite the short visit. (Hey, who says we're not an athletic family?) Susie wanted to show Theo how she can bowl strikes, and Larry and I were grasping for any opportunity to hang out with him, so that made all of us happy - well, except Rachel, who happens to be 13 and not excited by the thought of family togetherness. Probably Theo felt the same way, but - happily - he's old enough now to humor us in our fantasies of fun family outings.

These taste great, even when melted
Add to all that a visit from Uncle Matt and a read-through for the Listen To Your Mother show, and I am fairly done in. The LTYM read-through required me to act extroverted for almost 6 hours straight (we met for dinner ahead of time), which exertion must have numbed my brain cells - I grabbed some lovely Lindt chocolate-toffee squares for the ride home but unwisely stored them in my pants pocket. This resulted in a scene which can only be described as pathetic - a middle-aged woman (um, that would be me) standing in her living room at 11:30 PM, licking melted chocolate from candy wrappers.

Not exactly how I pictured my life would be at this point, really. I mean, when does the grown-up part happen, anyway?


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