Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Thoughts From A Whiny Sick Lady

In the comments from yesterday, Anonymous wanted to know what to say when a teen screams, "You hate me!" Tempting as it may be to trot out Rule #5 ("Yes, dear, we do hate you")(or better yet, "Who told you?!"), it may be better to just say, "Cut the crap" - because the kid knows it isn't true. Surprisingly, Anna has never screamed that at us. She has screamed, "I hate myself! I hate my life!" when informed that she is not allowed to go to some social function which she had her heart set on attending, to which we always replied, "Well, we love you, sweetie," just to bug her.

Drama, thy name is girl teenager.

I'm a tad late posting today, as I have been laid low, once again, by cellulitis. Luckily, I remembered what happened when last I Googled this particular disease and so I have stayed far, far away from the search box at the top of my browser. Of course it didn't help to have the doctor talking about MRSA and IV antibiotics, either. I guess I could drop dead any minute. In which case, I should be editing family photos, not talking to imaginary friends.

The good part about being sick is I have an excuse to lie in bed and neglect the children; the bad part is I have to put up with the blank stare Anna gives me when I inform her that I need a little extra help around the house. You parents of teens know that stare - the "You talkin' to me? Why? Do I know you?" look that is probably the cause of more military boarding school enrollments than all the other reasons put together.

And, in case you're wondering, the answer to that look? "Yes, I just came from outer space, dimwitted Earthling; now get your butt off the couch and look busy."

Can you tell it's been a rough week with a certain someone who used to be the cutest little girl on the planet? Sigh. Maybe I should look through all the old photo albums again, so I can remember what her smile looked like. Or maybe that would only make me feel worse.

Ha - she just asked to check her e-mail. I don't think so, sweetheart. Mommy can be waaaay bitchier than you. Just ask Daddy - he knows. And it doesn't help that I am missing Knit Night this evening.

Time to go - the Tylenol bottle is calling my name.

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29 comments:

  1. I'm not going to Google that either, but I hope you feel better. I get into enough trouble on my own Googling scary things.

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  2. I thought cellulitis was the stuff on my thighs! No, I wouldn't want to see Google images of that, either.

    Seriously, I hope you feel better.

    Think about (again seriously) sending Anna to spend a month or so with a relative or good friend. I've had more parents tell me that was the ultimate rehabilitative experience, on both sides. You could even send her here -- if I can trade you Trooper-Racer.

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  3. So sorry about the cellulitis and the teenager..the good lord does have a sense of humor. If I helps I have a 13 yr old who is giving me the same look. I feel your pain. Up the meds :)

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  4. Ugg - feel better soon. I'm totally dreading the teenage years because I am afraid I will have my buttons pushed and respond by being way bitcher than is appropriate...uggg.

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  5. Oh, my, I hope you feel better soon.

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  6. Gee, I'm really sorry that you're sick. Feel better soon! (And stay away from google.)

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  7. Is it bad to combine meds and liquor? Yeah, probably.

    Your imaginary friends are happy to entertain you. And no blank stares.

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  8. How dare you have the nerve to get sick. Don't you realize that YOU aren't the center of attention?

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  9. So sorry to hear you are feeling poorly. Good luck on a quick recovery. I know from experience that being sick or going on a mom-only vacation just doesn't work. The catch-up work on the tail end is a killer!

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  10. I hope you feel better. Give the teenager some Tylenol too. Maybe it will help.

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  11. Feelin' your pain. Well, the teenager pain, not the cellulitis pain. Get better.

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  12. Feel better soon! And reading your post is only making me dread the teenage years even more!

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  13. Hope you feel better soon. Maybe you can practice your baseball pitch while you're laid up. At said daughter.

    I didn't say that out loud, though.

    I must say that I think I'd welcome the blank stare at times. We get The Glare. It can be deadly at times and we've been employing your mirror technique with great effect.

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  14. You think your teen's bad? I once faked my own death just to run away with a steamboat captain and sail down the ol' Mississippi.

    Oh wait, that wasn't me. That was Blanche from the Golden Girls. I get our childhoods mixed up sometimes, what with us being so similar.

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  15. I love telling my children I love them in my sweetest, sappiest voice when they get mad at me. It annoys the crap out of them--and that's my job, right?

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  16. Happy thoughts. Pixie Dust. More happy thoughts. Go for that photo album.

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  17. You're reinventing the "Ten Plauges":
    Ants
    Teenaged Daughter
    Cellulitis
    What's next? Boils? Lice? Frogs?

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  18. Love the bitchier then you comment!

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  19. I hope you feel better! Nothing worse than a mom who is sick. :(

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  20. I concur. But it is not we that are the aliens. It is the teens. Check out my post on Parenting Teens the VE Way (it's on my sidebar about 5 down under my Best of section). I think you might relate...

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  21. Take it easy, that cellulitis can be scary stuff. (Not that you didn't already know that with all your googling and everything)
    I've found that the best way to REALLY irritate a child when they are angry and screaming is to just burst out laughing. That and getting out the camcorder to film them throwing a tantrum.
    (I always threaten to sent the tape to "Supernanny")

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  22. You're scaring me about teenage girls. In ten years I'm going to have one.

    I hope you get better soon!

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  23. I read your blog this evening and queried the husband "What's Cellulitis?"

    Husband pats his thigh and says - "what you get from eating too much chocolate."

    ...Men!

    As for you, feet up, drink cocktails - lots of them eat chocolate and enjoy faint warm fuzzy feeling (resulting from fact your teen list saved me from totally losing the plot yesterday). THANK YOU!!x

    Get well, best wishes Hen

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  24. I can't google your complaint because I'd convince myself that I have it too. However I'm also I whiny sick woman who just described her sinus problems in excruciating detail on my blog!

    Isn't it funny how teens think they have a corner on the market for evil?

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  25. Like Kalynne I thought cellulitus is the stuff women get on their legs/ thighs. Still I am not googling it.

    I'll tell Monkey and Roo not to turn into a teenager anytime soon :)

    Feel better soon!

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  26. My 11 year old gives me that look, and it's not fair. I thought I had until she was actually 13--but noooo.

    Hope your cottage cheese thighs clear up soon!

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  27. Gotta love those teens, they keep life interesting... I look at those old pictures when she was little and it makes me cry, or it makes me confused how she got this big.

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  28. Feel better soon. I don't know what cellulitis is, but it sounds awful.

    And when my 7-year-old daughter yells, "You don't love me," my response is, "I love you too much to let you behave this way."

    Stumps her every time. She can't think of anything to say in response.

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